Archive for the ‘Virginity’ Category

Well, That Was 20 Sec­onds of Read­ing Time We’ll Nev­er Get Back

Hot chick on cell: Yeah, no… Like, I’m pret­ty con­vinced that Patrick* is, like, to­tal­ly gay. Well, be­cause when we, like, dat­ed, he would al­ways want to go shop­ping and take, like, the longest time, like al­ways study­ing how tight jeans made his ass look. And, like, he told me how his best friend end­ed up be­ing, like, uber-gay, and like, he would al­ways say, like, ran­dom shit like, ‘Y’­know, like, peo­ple you don’t even, like, know could be gay.’ I’d be like, ‘O‑M-G — what?!’ And, like, the en­tire time we went out, we on­ly had sex, like, once, and that was when I, like, lost my vir­gin­i­ty… No, I did­n’t con­sid­er it the of­fi­cial, like, time I ac­tu­al­ly lost my V‑card be­cause he could­n’t even, like, get it up… No, we were not drunk! I’m not like that big of a slut… Or at least, I was­n’t then.

–Chelsea

Ug­ly Girls, Rep­re­sent!

Sixth grad­er: Yo! Miss Stevens*, how old are you?
Stu­dent teacher: 20.
Sixth grad­er: Are you a vir­gin?
Stu­dent teacher: I don’t think that’s an ap­pro­pri­ate ques­tion.
Sixth grad­er: Aight. It’s okay. I’m a vir­gin, too.

–Uni­ver­si­ty Neigh­bor­hood Mid­dle School

Over­heard by: teacher

Yet An­oth­er Draw­back of Ab­sti­nence-On­ly Ed­u­ca­tion

White guy to girl: You know both these guys are Mus­lim, so don’t piss them off. Mus­lims don’t care if they die be­cause then they’ll get 72 vir­gins.
Mus­lim #1: It’s not 72 vir­gins, it’s 45 vir­gins.
Mus­lim #2: I thought it was 40 vir­gins.
White guy: But a Mus­lim per­son told me that it was 72 vir­gins.
Mus­lim #1: What are you gonna do with 72 vir­gins, man?
White guy: The same thing you’re gonna do with 45 vir­gins, but I would get tired of telling them what to do.

–MetroTech, Lawrence St

Over­heard by: Jan­nine Ram­lochan

Roll Tape, Please

Kid in bag­gy pants: What do you mean, you’re a vir­gin?
Kid shoot­ing pool: Dude, I’m to­tal­ly a vir­gin.
Kid in bag­gy pants: Trust me, you’re not a vir­gin.

–Pool hall near NYU

Over­heard by: DJ

Who’ll Have the Last Laugh When the Mes­si­ah Pops Out?

Girl­friend: I’m not feel­ing so good.
Boyfriend: Why? What’s wrong?
Girl­friend: I feel queasy and dizzy.
Boyfriend: What if you were preg­nant?
Girl­friend: By what? Im­mac­u­late con­cep­tion? Or your fin­ger?

–13th St & 4th Ave

Over­heard by: Bis­cuit-lover

Wednes­day Go-Down-On-Lin­ers

Whole­some-look­ing man, walk­ing with sev­er­al fam­i­lies with kids and car­ry­ing a cross: Je­sus Christ died for our sins to­day so that we can all give blowjobs when­ev­er we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I’ll get on the Jum­boTron if I deep throat this pick­le?

–MSG: Rangers — Caps Play­off Game

40-some­thing, dur­ing high school re­union: How dare you tell my hus­band I gave you a blowjob? I was a vir­gin in high school!

–Out­side Jake’s Dillem­ma

Women on cell: I told him, if he did­n’t start sham­poo­ing his pubes I would stop blow­ing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Mid­dle-aged Ro­man­ian: I heard he gives bet­ter BJs than San­ta Claus!

–As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Crazy Ro­ma­ni­ans