Archive for the ‘Visual Art’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go Through a Grey Pe­ri­od

Girl look­ing at garbage and dirt spilled on the side­walk: Gross. You think it’s sup­posed to be art?

–Broad­way & Hous­ton

Lit­er­a­ture pro­fes­sor: So any­thing that any­body ever paint­ed was a Gui­do?

–NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter

Plau­si­bly mad sep­tu­a­ge­nar­i­an clerk: When I was 16 Stravin­sky bought my first paint­ing. It was writ­ten up in the pa­per. A cou­ple of days lat­er, I was kid­napped.

–Barnes & No­ble, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Seth

Fa­ther to four-year-old son: Look­ing at art makes your legs tired.

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um Lob­by

Philis­tine: I don’t like art in which you have to un­der­stand the mo­ti­va­tion be­hind it.

–Out­side the Guggen­heim

Over­heard by: De­vot­ed Pup­py

Pro­fes­sor-type man to group of teens look­ing at Greek sculp­tures: And if the sculp­ture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from be­hind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Has­n’t That Ex­hib­it Been Done?

Cute girl to drunk friend sit­ting provoca­tive­ly with a miniskirt on: Sit up, Beth, your coochie’s hangin’ out.
Drunk friend: I can’t get up. (yelling) Does any­one on this train have a prob­lem with my vagi­na hang­ing out?
(train is silent)
Drunk friend: See? No one cares. Vagi­nas are like mod­ern art these days.
Cute girl: I guess.
Drunk friend: You could take a pic­ture of my snatch right now, frame it, make it look like Warhol, and it would sell in the Mo­MA for five thou­sand bucks. Hell, I should be charg­ing ad­mis­sion fees right now. Any­one who comes to see my snatch ex­hib­it and does­n’t buy a copy is a misog­y­nist.

–A Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, Lit­er­al­ly

Man on cell, au­thor­i­ta­tive­ly: Ejac­u­late!

–14th b/w 3rd & 4th

Moth­er to cu­ri­ous lit­tle girl reach­ing out to touch Wall Street bul­l’s tes­ti­cles: No! (yanks her away)

–Bowl­ing Green

Woman shout­ing across a grassy field: Slut­bots!

–Mc­Car­ren Park, Brook­lyn

(in­ter­com beeps 10 times)
Train con­duc­tor, over in­ter­com: Shit.
(in­ter­com con­tin­ues to beep)

–Hud­son Line Train

Man on bike speed­ing along Brook­lyn Bridge walk­way: Pussy­hooool­lleeeeee!

–Brook­lyn Bridge

Qui­et, old­er gen­tle­man sip­ping cof­fee, leaf­ing through news­pa­per: Moth­er­fuck­ers!

–Barnes & No­ble Cof­fee Bar, Broad­way

Over­heard by: Suze V

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Al­ways PC

Young teen girl: I’ve done cy­ber­sex so of­ten I for­got how to type with two hands.

–A Train

Suit on cell: I have noth­ing to blog about. I have noth­ing to video blog about. Man, yes­ter­day I had to force my­self to tweet!

–Up­town 4 Train

Over­heard by: cow­girly

Girl sell­ing peach­es to an­oth­er: Yeah, my dad was so un­sym­pa­thet­ic when I told him my com­put­er crashed that I went straight to the Ap­ple store and charged a new hard dri­ve to his cred­it card. I was re­al­ly proud of my­self.

–Fort Greene Farm­ers Mar­ket

Over­heard by: Morn­ing Glo­ry

Teenage girl to friend: I don’t see why we’re even here. We could see all this stuff on the in­ter­net for free.

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Derek

Al­so “Burn Things”

Young man, about en­tire­ly light-blue paint­ing be­hind glass: What is this? What the heck is this, any­way?
Moth­er: It’s say­ing some­thing.
Young man: What’s it say­ing?
Moth­er: It’s say­ing, ‘I’m an ex­tra mir­ror. I’m here if you need me.’

–Con­tem­po­rary Art sec­tion, Mo­MA

We Pre­fer to Think of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air con­di­tion­er for my liv­ing room, and it’s en­tire­ly too large for me to in­stall by my­self, be­cause it weighs 78 lbs. No, se­ri­ous­ly, I can­not even get it out of the box. I know–for the time be­ing I’m just re­fer­ring to it as a Duchamp “ready­made.” Ew! Don’t you call me bo­hemi­an!

–19th & 6th

Art pro­fes­sor: You should look at Pi­cas­so and Ma­tisse. These peo­ple will be more im­por­tant to you than your fam­i­ly. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he’s dead now.

–Pratt In­sti­tute

Over­heard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vin­cent van Gogh: You know, I could have got­ten him dis­abil­i­ty.

–Van Gogh Ex­hib­it, Mo­MA

Woman, dis­cussing gallery: It was all mod­ern stuff–but not, like, the kind of mod­ern art that chil­dren can do.

–20th & 5th

Tourist boy: You can see his pe­nis! It’s not art if you can see his pe­nis!

–Petrie Court, Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art