Archive for the ‘Vomit’ Category

The Technicolor Yawn Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Vomiting is prohibited on this train. Please, no vomiting on this train.

–LIRR

Conductor: There are only three reasons for an empty train car. A) it smells. B) it’s hot. C) someone threw up.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Laura

Gay NYU student: I’ve already been through the cycle. Eat, vom, feel better about life.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Conductor: There will be no vomiting on this train. Repeat. There will be no vomiting on this train. (short pause) If you have to vomit, vomit on yourself.

–LIRR, Drunk Train

Overheard by: Jason

Girl to two guy friends: Last night I was traveling back on the train, and there was, like, an airsick bag in the thing and I got a craving for Gardetto’s, because the last time we were traveling… (becomes inaudible)

–Atlantic & Bond, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Boyfriend to wasted girlfriend: Baby, I swear. This is the best place in New York to throw up. (girlfriend pukes)

–MacDougal St, The Village

Overheard by: Reid Rogers

Wednesday One-Liners: So Lifelike!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it!

–Queens

Middle-aged Latino: I’ve got barbie dolls!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bobble-head doll!

–96th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Galatea

Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Bill

Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much because you said we’re not supposed to play in the meditation room.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Think of the Starving Baby Birds in Africa

Guy on cell: Yeah…right…uh huh…hold on a second.

He leans over and throws up on the sidewalk. 

Guy on cell: What were you saying?

–59th & 5th

Overheard by: Jeff Hubbard

Woman #1: I wanna get really stoned so I can throw up.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Just to know I can.

–LIRR

Girl: I want to throw up. Like, I have some puke in the back of my throat.

–Broadway & West 4th

Overheard by: Julia 

NYC: The Best Restaurants Beget the Best Eating Disorders

Well-dressed girl #1: You know what?
Well-dressed girl #2: What?
Well-dressed girl #1: Throwing up at work really isn’t as bad as it seems.

–Prince Street between Lafayette & Mulberry

Waif #1: Ugh. I feel so fat…I feel so gross. I’m not going to fit into any of my summer clothes…I’ve been trying to be so good, going to the gym everyday and everything.
Waif #2: You’re not fat.
Waif #1: Yes I am. You can only say that because you’re thin…I ate a salad today for lunch. But then I just ate all of these sweet thingamajiggies.

–W train

Overheard by: Nora S.

Columbia chick on cell: …I mean, like, yesterday I totally pigged out on salad.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: djlindee