Archive for the ‘Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport’ Category

It’s Like Jersey Got Rich and Took a Bath

Suit: It’s up in Connecticut, right over the river in Norwalk, I think.
Lady suit: Oh, I don’t that Connecticut, I only know Danbury.
Suit: Isn’t that in Connecticut?
Lady suit: I told you, I don’t know Connecticut.

–Maiden Lane & South Street

Yuppie guy: I don’t know, man. I’m still on Connecticut time.

–W. 56th between 5th & 6th

Wednesday One-Liners Smell Like Victory

One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?

–R Train

Overheard by: Ferna

Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven’t been home since the show. Doesn’t that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)

–McCarren Park

Overheard by: AleKatz

Woman on cell: It smells like college!

–BrewFest, South Street Seaport

Office student: It literally smells like my ass.

–CCNY Computer Lab

Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.

–Q Train

Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn’t mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn’t smell. It didn’t smell like anything.

–Union Square

Overheard by: who are these people?

Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: You keep talking over me – it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.

–Ray’s Pizza, 52 & 8th

Overheard by: Jarett

Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as “that guy” and we’ll see how long you stay conscious.

–33rd & 7th

Nervous man seated against the wall: I don’t like this seat. I don’t like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there’s a fight? I don’t want to be trapped in a place with a fight.

–Off-Broadway Theatre

Overheard by: Hannah

Ghetto chick: Can’t you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?

–W Train

Overheard by: sara n.

Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…

Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?

–Chambers St

Overheard by: Shooty

Wednesday One-Liners Should Not Be Taken If You Are Pregnant or Nursing

Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR.

–Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St

Overheard by: dlr

Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail!

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Strung out middle-aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax.

–E Train

Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do.

–E 14th St

Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead.

–NYS Psychiatric Institute

Overheard by: nonrandomerror

Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season ‑you could tell.

–Oriental Garden