Archive for the ‘Washington Heights and Inwood’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Hang Weird Shit on Their Mir­rors

Cab dri­ver, get­ting cut off: Yeah, dri­ve like you want that cheese­burg­er!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Cab­bie: I got in some trou­ble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I nev­er re­al­ized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets bet­ter than my own clos­et! (laughs)

–Cab, Broad­way & Hous­ton

Cab dri­ver to col­league who just honked af­ter he stopped for a pedes­tri­an: What, you want me to kill him?

–Bat­tery Park

Mid­dle East­ern cab dri­ver: I used to have a video store in Wash­ing­ton Heights. But the black bas­tard put me out of busi­ness! Can you be­lieve it? Af­ter ten years the black bas­tard put me out of busi­ness! Do you now the black bas­tard on Dy­ck­man? C’­mon! Every­body knows the back bas­tard! Black bas­tard! Black bas­tard video!

–Cab, Wash­ing­ton Heights

Over­heard by: Gene Gray

Cab dri­ver: When you dri­ve for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of dri­vers are, how do you say it…stupid.

–Queens

Over­heard by: Fi­as­co

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Wish They Could DVR Their Lives, In­stead

Young woman on el­e­va­tor to friend: I have a date this Thurs­day with a guy I met on match.com, and I was so ex­cit­ed, but then I re­mem­bered Thurs­day is Grey’s Anato­my! I mean, I’m DVRing it, but that’s so not the same.

–Wall St.

Over­heard by: krazy­hip­pie

Large 40-some­thing woman: But I’m not gonna be on Mau­ry sayin’, “I’m 100% sure!” Be­cause I’m not!

–10th St & FDR

20-some­thing woman on cell: It’s white, sleeveless…well, you don’t watch Gos­sip Girl but it’s to­tal­ly Blair-wor­thy.

–W 19th & 5th Ave

Ap­palled girl to friend: So, I guess he just could­n’t hold it in and need­ed to share with every­one around him, so he just shout­ed out “Fuck! I miss Gos­sip Girl!”

–Mer­cer & W 3rd

Saucy Lati­na: Tele­mu­n­do makes BET look like The His­to­ry Chan­nel.

–171st St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: The Low Hat

Guy to friend: My girl­friend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she’s high.

–PATH Sta­tion

Over­heard by: smjc­nj

30-some­thing woman on cell: Re­mem­ber sea­son one of The Hills? What a sim­pler time.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: The Evil Tri­an­gle

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Clean Every­thing Up Be­fore Their Par­ents Get Back

Black woman in trashy out­fit: And he said “But the par­ty just start­ed, bitch, I’ll take you in a few hours!” and I was like, “Nig­ga please! My wa­ter just broke!”

–Low­er East Side

Asian bim­bo on cell: I just spoke to Per­cy and al­leged­ly they threw a par­ty af­ter we were fired, to cel­e­brate us get­ting fired…but we’re peo­ple too.

–181 & St Nicholas

Over­heard by: must not have liked you

Hip­ster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the co­bra snake at a par­ty, with a cig in my hand and Paul* be­tween my thighs.

–NYU Dorm

Over­heard by: Dayn

Tat­tooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I’m bring­ing a 250-foot Slip ‘N Slide!

–7th & 13th St

Over­heard by: can I come to that par­ty?

Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why did­n’t you in­vite to your par­ty? Damn…c’mon! Re­mem­ber that time the chick in a wheel­chair was work­ing us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheel­chair! Re­mem­ber we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That’s right–that was me! She was giv­ing us both head.

–BBQ Re­stroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea

20-some­thing woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a hand­job?

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: Jazz

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: Fact or Fic­tion?

Guy: It’s like Au­gust: Os­age Coun­ty, but with zom­bies.

–Man­hat­tan The­atre Source

Over­heard by: Emi­ly B.

Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wiz­ard.

–Dorm, Pratt In­sti­tute

Col­lege stu­dent: Ghosts? They’re like VT!

–186th St & Am­s­ter­dam

Black fe­male suit on cell: Yeah, well you bet­ta hope Tin­k­a­bell comes along… Or who­ev­er the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wish­es!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: emi­ly d.

An­noyed man on cell walk­ing down stairs: No, mom, I don’t know what were­wolves eat! No, mom, I don’t! Mom, I can’t talk right now, I’m go­ing in­to the sub­way!

–Union Square Sub­way En­trance

Over­heard by: Masked Avenger