14-year-old girl #1: I wish I had a boyfriend.
14-year-old girl #2: Yeah, me too… Well, either a boyfriend or a puppy.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Dave Rabkin
Archive for the ‘We Love Our Pets’ Category
Translation: “God, I Need a Woman.”
Man: Yeah, my mother raised me right. I make sure I eat breakfast every day.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: I have sardines and grits every day.
Woman: Sardines?
Man: Hell, yes. Sometimes I give some of the gravy to the cats, and they go crazy for it. I mean, it don’t matter if they just ate or nothing, they just love the gravy.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: Gravy. I usually give them a little of whatever I cook. You know, and then they either eat it or they don’t. They like turn their heads away if they don’t like it. But they sure like gravy. Gravy.
–B26 Bus, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
If Paris Hilton Comes Into Red Lobster, We’ll Discuss It
Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We’re from Texas! Why, could you hear our accents over there?
Woman: No, it’s because in New York we know that you can’t bring dogs into restaurants.
Tourist: You can’t?
Woman: No, you can’t. We work for the Department of Public Health. Consider this a warning.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok because y’all are ok with Paris Hilton and all.
–Red Lobster, Times Square
Overheard by: Lynne & Craig
Ironic War Is the Best Kind
Woman on cell: Yeah, the kitty pushes the others around. He’s a real tyrant… Uh-huh. Guess what she named him: Osama.
–Central Park
Try “Doggies for Druggies,” Sir
Young thug to ASPCA rep with Pit Bull: Yo, is that a Pit Bull? Can I get her?
ASPCA rep: Yes, she is up for adoption, her name is…
Young thug: Yo, that’s cool, cuz I like sell weed and shit, and I need a pit.
ASPCA rep: Uhh… (turns and walks away)
Young thug: I ain’t gonna beat her.
–Union Square, ASPCA Day
Overheard by: Somebody should beat him.
Snuffy Ain’t No Secret Anymore
Guy: We have to figure out a way to get rid of her bird.
Girl: I hate birds like that. They’re full of secrets and dust.
Guy: And lice and opinions.
–13th & A
Welcome to the Wednesday One-Liner Positioning System
Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I’m directly under it right now.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Guy on cell: Yeah, we’ll go now. Okay. Right now, I’m at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.
Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I’m on the downtown side of the street!
–East Side
Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I’m on the corner of fuckin’ somethin’ an somethin’.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I’m at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don’t know!
–West Village
Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we’re at 7th Avenue.
–G Train
Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”
Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.
–Fulton & Gold
How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?
Man eating brunch to male friend: We both came out seven years ago. We are puppy gay in dog years.
–Big Daddy’s Diner
Overheard by: Morgan
Very loving mom talking to daughter about her son: Hey! He is not an animal, he is not a dog. Well, at least not today!
–Hell’s Kitchen
Outraged woman to man: What? No! Do not put the dog in the furnace, Ted!
–Court Street
Chick with cigarette, on cell: … Leathery fetish dog-masks, or just Halloween style dog-masks?
–Outside Tagine, 40th & 9th
Overheard by: Ladle
Philosophical suit: The only reason I haven’t divorced my wife is because of the dog.
–Upper East Side
He’s a Guide Dog for the Socially Impaired
Friendly old lady: Did you see the way your dog greeted me outside? Stood right up on its hind legs to say hello! Such a sweet animal!
Middle-aged computer geek: Yes, he likes to socialize. I’m working. Enjoy.
–Starbucks, Broadway & 70th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
