Woman: Did you get off?
Friend: No! The weatherman retracted his 10 inches.
–Times Square
Archive for the ‘Weather’ Category
Wednesday One-liners
Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing!
–Fordham
A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are.
–Varick Street
Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Yup. I Could Tell from That Nauseated Look on Your Face.
Woman #1 in elevator: Why aren’t you wearing a jacket? You’re going to be freezing!
Woman #2: I don’t need one. It’s because I’m fat.
Woman #1: (silence)
Woman #2: You know it’s true. You’re not saying anything because you know I’m fat. Most people would say, “No, no, no. You’re not fat!” but you’re not saying that because you think I’m fat. Think about it.
Woman #1: I’m thinking about it.
–39th St
I Was Just Gonna Make a Cunning Little “Shitstorm” Joke
Guy #1: You’d better bring an umbrella tomorrow.
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s supposed to rain.
Guy #1: It’s supposed to rain?!
–PATH Train, WTC
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Then Pay Me a Dollar Not to Clean It
Hobo: Hey, can I clean the snow off your car for a dollar?
Girl cleaning car: Ummm, no way.
Hobo: Even when it’s cold white people are assholes.
Girl cleaning car, to passerby: I don’t want his smelly ass touching my baby.
–115th St & Frederick Douglass Blvd
Overheard by: Paula
Not Like Here, Where Every Day’s a Fine Day
Shirtless hobo #1: I lived in California before New York… the weather sucks most of the time there.
Shirtless hobo #2: Yeah, dude, I’ve heard that.
–Washington Square Park
The Janitor Should Get to It in a Couple of Days
Younger kid: Damn, look at all the puddles of water in here.
Older kid: Look like hurricane Katrina hit this bitch.
(younger kid laughs)
Older kid: Niggas from New Orleans swimmin in the water and shit.
–Macy’s Bathroom
Overheard by: Anon
Or I’ll Never Finish This Clay Ashtray before Our Exam Time Is Up
Chick #1: How many colors are in two rainbows?
Chick #2: Shut up, Kimberly!
–NYU
Overheard by: Clara
No, She’s Thinking of the Houses…and Limbs
Guy: So a bunch of people are getting hurricane Katrina tattoos.
Girl #1: What would a hurricane tattoo even look like?
Girl #2: It would just be a swirl.
Girl #1: No babe, you’re thinking of a tornado.
–Stanton Social Club, Stanton Street
Overheard by: JDM & MZ
It’s Like the Entire State Gets Spontaneous Parkinson’s
Girl #1: So how do you like New York?
Guy: I love it. I mean, I love coming here, but I couldn’t live here.
Girl #2: Why not?
Guy: I’m not a snow person. Snow should be visited, not lived in. Me and blizzards just wouldn’t get along.
Girl #1: We’re from South Carolina. We love it here. We don’t mind
the snow. It’s better than the storms and hurricanes.
Girl #2: Yeah, I hate the hurricanes.
Guy: Well, where I live we don’t have blizzards or hurricanes.
Girl #1: But you have earthquakes. That’s worse.
Guy: Maybe, but we don’t have earthquake season.
–Atlantic & 3rd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Dave
