Archive for the ‘Weather’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, the Peo­ple’s Char­i­ot

Ghet­to fab bus dri­ver : Hel­lo and good morn­ing. Wel­come to the Bolt Bus, my name is Jacques and I’m go­ing to be your op­er­a­tor to­day. We do ap­pre­ci­ate your busi­ness. Well, I ap­pre­ci­ate your busi­ness. For my nails. Get­ting my hair done. Yeah.

–Bolt­Bus

Over­heard by: Julie and Mark The Snob

Bus dri­ver (as bus leaves Lex­ing­ton stop): The stop af­ter this stop will be the next stop.
(as bus turns in­to Cen­tral Park) Ladies and gen­tle­men, the next stop will be Cen­tral Park West. Please have your pass­ports ready.

–Crosstown Bus

Bus dri­ver over in­ter­com (as bus pass­es Uni­sphere): Oh, every­one’s from New York? Then y’all al­ready know this spot! I can’t tell you noth­ing! Bye.

–Shut­tle Bus, Flush­ing Mead­ows Park

Con­duc­tor: Good morn­ing! This is the bus dis­patch­er. It’s a sun­ny 78 de­grees on a beau­ti­ful Wednes­day! I’m hap­py to re­port the bus lanes in­bound to New York are slic­ing through traf­fic like a hot knife through but­ter! En­joy your day, con­trol cen­ter, out.

–NJ Tran­sit Bus

Over­heard by: Jerzey…CloseEnough

Con­duc­tor: Al­right folks, re­mem­ber to keep cool to­day and drink plen­ty of wa­ter. I rec­om­mend ya’ll eat some Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios. Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios will make ya’ll nicer to each oth­er. Stay away from that ba­con and eggs. Too hot. Yes, Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios. Have a nice day.

–B61 Bus

Over­heard by: should have eat­en break­fast

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Sparkle and Shine

Hip­ster on cell: Okay. Af­ter my nap. Call me from the park once you are cov­ered in glit­ter and I will come down.

–14th & B

Hip­ster chick: I’m to­tal­ly boy­cotting the sun this sum­mer.

–L train

Over­heard by: Matt Fer­rin

Guy on cell: …and I just told him, “I don’t care what you say. As far as I’m con­cerned, I am the star of a Broad­way mu­si­cal.”

–34th & 7th

Over­heard by: Brid­get Un­nel

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Wor­ry That Truck­er Hats May Be Out

Hip­ster girl: I hate it when ob­vi­ous­ly un­cool peo­ple wear flan­nel.

–E Train

Over­heard by: dru

Hip­ster girl: Shark Week is a week? It last­ed like a month last year.

–N 6th St, Williams­burg

Frumpy hip­ster: No! Hip­sters melt in the rain!

–Mc­Car­ren Park Pool, Green­point

Hip­ster on cell: No, I’ve nev­er heard of a noc­tur­nal squir­rel… Do you even… Wait, are you try­ing to tell me you’re gay?! No? Well, this is awk­ward…

–Cen­tral Park

Hip­ster guy to an­oth­er: Have you ever played with your­self un­der a black­light? There’s like all kinds of shit on your dick!

–Union Hall

Over­heard by: Cass

Frumpy mom, hold­ing up item for hip­ster tween daugh­ter: Cather­ine, is this iron­ic?

–Bea­con’s Clos­et, Williams­burg

It’s All About Ri­ta Now, MTV Gen­er­a­tion

Twin girl #A: Yeah, she said she was go­ing to do the school year here.
Unique girl: She came from Ken­tucky? Why did she come so far?
Twin girl #B: Louisiana is a state. Ken­tucky is an­oth­er state.
Unique girl: Oh, well why’d she come to New York? Could­n’t she stay in her house in Louisiana?
Twin girl #A: Um, no, a hur­ri­cane hit New Or­leans. That’s why she’s here.
Unique girl: Right, right. I for­got about that.

–Kew Gar­dens sta­tion