Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners’ Category

The Rainbow Flag Hangs Over Wednesday One-liners

Queer: That’s why you never bring a drunk pussy to a gay club. –17th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: Robert Girl on cell: But wait, was she gay or was she lesbian? –8th & Broadway Queer on cell: Pussy? You mean Pussy?…No?… No, I know Hibiscus…Is that the one with the boyfriend at the bar?…Pussy!…Well, are you the good witch or the wicked witch? Oh, I guess that won’t work for you, you’ve never seen Wizard of Oz. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: mh Girl: Oh my God, I hear heterosexual voices! –18th & 8th Older guy: I’m still trying to figure out who designed this bathroom. I mean, whoever designed this place wanted something up their ass. –Pavilion movie theater, Park Slope Overheard by: Daniel Radosh Girl: Yeah, but I mean, this gay thing’s gonna be in him forever… –East Drive, Central Park Woman on cell: Well, if he wears a dress shirt with really nice jeans, that makes it a little less gay for them. –4th Avenue & 12th Street Overheard by: Tommy Raiko RuPaul II: Mmm, I would suck spare rib outta his dick…sauce and all. –Christopher Street Guy: Yeah, I don’t like lip rings that much. They get dirty too easily, y’know, from food and sucking cock… –MacDougal Tattoo, Sullivan Street Overheard by: gwen limbach Chelsea boy on cell: Hey, honey, I saw you leave with that hot bartender last night. I’m coming over with a couple of videos and that vinaigrette I borrowed, and you’re telling me everything. –21st & 7th Woman: Of course. I’m in and out of the closet all the time. –Dojo, St. Mark’s Place Overheard by: Ellen Girl on cell: So he told me that sucking cock didn’t make him gay…and I said, “How’s that if you never go down on me?”…fucking faggot! –F train

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Crash Moment

Teen chick: You know, when I think about it, I really don’t know how she can be my sister. Our birthdays are exactly one month apart, and she’s light-skinned. –B48 bus, Brooklyn Overheard by: eefers Kid to another: No, really. I’m telling you — Michael Jackson used to be black. I saw it on TV. –B61 bus, Brooklyn Lady to friend: Your black ass is going to melt just as fast as my white ass if there is a nuclear war. –116th & Broadway White girl to another: So, what’s your dream ethnicity? –Q train, Canal St Big black guy: I love Old Navy because it’s like GAP, but for black people. –Old Navy, 6th Ave Conductor: Next stop, Penn Station. Black power, motherfuckers. –2 train, 42nd St

The Wednesday One-Liners behind the Badge

Male cop to another: Did I tell you today how much I love you? –34th & 8th Overheard by: Egon Thug jumping onto train just as doors were closing: Yo, what train is this? Nah, I don’t care as long as the cops didn’t see me. –C train, Penn Station Overheard by: go rangers! Cop car loudspeaker to random driver: Please use your turn signal when you make an illegal left turn and cut off the bus causing an accident. –8th & University Overheard by: misspenny Conductor: Do not go in between cars at any time, whether or not the train is moving. This is becoming a police state. That’s why I’m outta here. –S train, Grand Central Overheard by: Hametuka

Pepé Le Pew’s Scentimental Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Hey, ladies. [Girls giggle.] You smell so good — like Campbell’s soup! –10th & Broadway Overheard by: Emily Man on cell: You tell your smelly sisters that they have to shower tonight. –39th & 5th Queer hipster to fag hag: Oh my god, his placenta stank! –N train Overheard by: Lauren Chick to friend: Shut up, or I’ll sniff you in a minute! –Central Park JAP: Ew, like — I like, washed my hair, like, this morning… Why does it, like, smell? Ewww… That’s sooo bimmey! –1 train Chipper thugette: I smell pussy! –L train, Bedford stop

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up. –South Street Seaport Overheard by: Julium Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color. –Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th Overheard by: Sebastian White Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai! –Union Square Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you. –Union Square Park Overheard by: molly Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue. –Hill Country BBQ Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

Looks Like a Job for the Wednesday One-Liner Whisperer

Urban Tarzan: I grew up in a house of monkeys. My mother was a monkey, my father was a monkey, my brother was a pig. –Main St, Roosevelt Island Overheard by: king volcano Customer on cell: Well, the kids finally found Grandma’s python. –Dollar Store, Fulton St Overheard by: fiat lux Genius: I really can’t stand cats. They’re just furry rats. –Washington Square Park Woman: I feel so guilty when the cat catches me masturbating. –B&J Fabrics, 7th Ave Overheard by: Shamrock Young man on cell: Wait. Are you talking about what’s normal for penguins or what’s normal for four-year-olds? –Elevator, Bellevue Hospital Overheard by: patient White teen: Turkeys are mad strong, you know that? –Bleecker between Lafayette & Broadway Overheard by: Jon A. Middle-aged woman on cell: I have to get home to cook spaghetti for my cat. –3rd Ave, between 53rd & 54th

Start the Clock, Wednesday One-liners

Suit: You know, at 2:30 in the morning, I become, like, a zombie of love. –G train Chick: There’s this guy who lives in that clock over there. They showed his apartment on TV. It’s like a prehistoric landmark. –F train Overheard by: mh Chick on cell: Yeah, I’m a ten-minutes-early girl and you’re a ten-minutes-late girl, and together that makes us twenty minutes late. –Houston & Eldridge Overheard by: Shane Yuppie lady: Let’s see your tits!…Hey, we’ve got time. Take off your top. –Bryant Park Guy on cell: You can’t fist someone for that long. They turn into a handpuppet after 5 minutes. –47th & 5th

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: V Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents! –Pathmark, Massapequa Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead? Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults. –Columbia University Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not. –Columbia University Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun." –Grand Central Overheard by: galgal

Read My Lips, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing. –Court St & 2nd Place Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina! –23rd & 7th Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours! –Hudson River Bike Path Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream. –NYU Dorm, Union Square Overheard by: Erica Fuld Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina! –W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like? –Chelsea Overheard by: Liz

Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies. –Manhattan Theatre Source Overheard by: Emily B. Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard. –Dorm, Pratt Institute College student: Ghosts? They're like VT! –186th St & Amsterdam Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes! –Penn Station Overheard by: emily d. Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway! –Union Square Subway Entrance Overheard by: Masked Avenger