Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Need a Pamprin

Woman: When it’s a tampon, you can stick it anywhere.

–59th St

Overheard by: Rich

Woman on cell: …and then this big glop of bloody goop came out, and so I reached into the toilet and squeezed it to make sure it wasn’t a baby…

–13th & Broadway

20-Something chick: My shit bled like it’s never bled before.

–Elevator, 57th & 6th

Overheard by: Matt

Mulleted queer: Imagine if Virginia Slims designed a tampon!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ‘nuther black charlie chaplin

Creative genius: Just imagine if I had a tampon gun!

–St. Mark’s

Woman on cell: Well, you can’t just go handing out sanitary napkins to everyone!

–15th & Union Square East

Loud girl on cell: Yeah, so he was going for it, and I was like, “No, baby, I can’t tonight,” and he was like, “Why?” and I was like, “I got it today,” and he was like, “Aww, then nothing for a whole week!”

–CVS, 58th & 9th

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Wednesday One-Liners Seek Asylum

Chick on cell: God, is she crazy? Even I wouldn’t do that, and I’m a total slut.

–39th St & 3rd Ave

NYU girl on cell: Yeah, she really is a crazy bitch. At least I’m getting a book out of it, though. I’m going to call it Next Year I’ll Be in a New Room, But You’ll Still Be Fucking Nuts.

–Washington Square Park

Conductor: Someone has lost a bag of marbles in the cafe car. I repeat, we have a bag of marbles found in the cafe car. Has anyone lost their marbles?

–Amtrak, Penn Station

Communications & media studies professor: I don’t mean to pontificate, but this is the last day of class and I have some important advice for you — never sleep with anyone who is crazier than you are. It can get you in a lot of trouble.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Switching Departments

10-year-old boy waiting for mom: Hooray, hooray, I’m insane, I’m insane, okay!

–Outside Met Food, Cortelyou Rd & E 16th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Leela

Wednesday One-liners: The Next Generation

Thug: I need a girl who’s responsible and don’t got no kids.

–40th & 5th

Dude: Are we talking about the truth now? The truth is that you’re scared that she’s going to take your son away from you!

–27th Street office

Black guy on cell: Yeah, it was actually all right. We were both circumcised.

–Union Square greenmarket

Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci

She Blinded Wednesday-One-Liners with Science

Teen thug: You know, if you put’em on hot they dry faster. On hot the clothes dry faster.

–Kingsland Ave & Jackson Ave., Willamsburg

Overheard by: confabulation nation

Hipster on cell: She thinks the entire world revolves around her. What is she, the sun?

–Union Square

Would-be physicist: Did you ever hear of magnetic repulsion? Because I swear to god that door has an eastern pole or something.

–Walgreens Drugstore, Union Square

Overheard by: kbot

Guy: So, you’ve dissected cats before?

–Lafayette & Centre St

Overheard by: Janelle

Loud chick: So I was looking on the Internet to learn more about our planet and biodiversity and shit, and there’s like five more extinctions supposed to happen! You know, like the dinosaurs and shit!

–Ray’s Pizza, E Houston

Overheard by: just visiting!

Soccer mom: He has had some really hard social studies stuff… Like why the seasons change and the how the earth moves around the sun.

–Warren Fields, Murray & West Side Highway

Overheard by: Soccer Nanny

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t a Tourist Attraction, Assholes

Chick to friend, standing silently for several minutes: You know, there really isn’t that much to see here.

–Ground Zero

Woman on cell: What about the Christmas cards with the twin towers surrounded by flowers? … Yeah. Kinda grim, huh?

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Karyn Regal

Wannabe-hardcore bimbette: So, this is where it all went down, huh? Where the shit hit the fan…

–PATH station, WTC

Overheard by: WesTexMike

Tourist man to MTA lady: I want to go to that World Trade Center thing.

–14th St station

Tourist: Is this nine-eleven?

–Ground Zero

Overheard by: duplicity

Wednesday One-Liners Shit You Not

Dad to two little kids: Hurry. Hurry! Daddy just crapped himself!

–27th & 7th

Man on cell: Yeah, at that point it was just one stool sample too many…

–In front of Brooklyn Academy of Music

Overheard by: TMI

College dude to girlfriend in loud whisper: I took such a good shit today. [Girlfriend smiles and kisses him.]

–PATH station, 14th St

Overheard by: Abby

Girl: So I woke up the next morning, looked over, and there was a human shit a foot away from my head.

–Purity Diner, Park Slope

Guy: That Mary Poppins… she’s a spoonful of shit!

–Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners, Now with 10 Percent More Stank

Suit in sunglasses: This entire platform smells like a hitherto unknown species of ass.

–D train platform, 34th St

Aging hipster on cell: At worst, you emit a general smell. If people notice it, I don’t think they associate it with you.

–Worth St & W Broadway

Loud woman: Yo, where you at? I can smell your breath, but I can’t see your face!

–Shoe store

Drunk chick in room of females: It smells like penis in here.

–Pi2 Lounge, W 12th & Surf Ave

Overheard by: Ioulia Fedorova

Teen on cell: Dude, they kicked me off campus! Because they said I smelled like I was high. I mean, I am a little high, but I don’t smell like it!

–Stuyvesant High

Fat man: Why didn’t anyone call Patty* and tell her that her breath stinks?

–Victory Hospital

Overheard by: Suquaia

Guy, smelling girl’s armpit: Man, that’s brutal! But I kinda like it…

–NYU

Wednesday One-liners

A chick pushing an old woman in a wheelchair says: Just let me know when you get tired of walking.

–59th & 3rd

Overheard by: Christopher

Queer: I can’t believe she said I was a liar. Sure I make random stuff up, but I’m not a liar.

–West 4th & broadway

Overheard by: MrRobinson

Hobo: All right fine, you win, I guess I do wish they were shitty pilots.

–6th Avenue & 9th Street

Wednesday One-Liners Celebrate V-J-J Day

Girl to male friend: I mean, they were both lousy lovers, but when it came right down to it her vagina was just too wide.

–110th & Broadway

Ghetto teen: Yo, girl! Don’t be pickin’ at yo’ pussy like that in the street! You’ll be on YouTube tomorrow!

–South St Seaport

Overheard by: Big Larry

JAP: I don’t understand how a baby just fell out of her vagina and she didn’t feel anything!

–Outside Lafayette St dorm, NYU

Overheard by: Philouza

Girl on cell: I fully support the idea of a vagina factory.

–7th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Liam Cubbin

Bimbette: Tiff, do these make my vagina look furry?

–Dressing room, Macy’s

Overheard by: SarahM

Chick: My vagina seems so crooked today…

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Bruce

Girl on cell: No! He was seriously, like, drilling for oil or something. My vagina is not a source of fossil fuel!

–Central Park

Overheard by: But it’d be cool if it were