Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners with Two Percent Body Fat

Hipster girl to another: Yeah, everyone has a crush on him, but he’s got halitosis. And a concave chest!

–MoMA

Hipster chick to friend: Whoa. I just felt totally suffocated by capitalist society.

–NYU

Hipster in rainbow moonboots: So I say to this girl as I’m roofie-ing her juice box…

–Union Square

Overheard by: eliza

Hipster chick on cell: Hello? Hey! Guess what? I found my underwear!

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Aria Grillo

Hipster: I mean, you can’t just rock a sombrero and think that it’s cool.

–6th & 10th

Overheard by: El

Hipster chick to tourist friends: … And across the street is where Albert Greenberg lived for a while.

–E 2nd St, across street from Allen Ginsberg’s former walkup

Overheard by: midtown_strangler

Hipster chick: I wanna create a website: Nine-Eleven — get over it.

–4 train

Overheard by: Hurtz donit

These Wednesday One-Liners Are Brought to You by Birkenstock

Guy to buddy: Dude, we are actually a lesbian couple.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Sofa

Loud woman on cell: Did you know that Devahndra had a baby? Yeah, a girl. What happened to being a lesbian? Yeah, I guess that one went kinda short.

–Bx16 bus

Overheard by: Lillian

LI man: … And then the lesbians — they surrounded me.

–LIRR, Jamaica

Overheard by: wish they had been surrounding ME

Hipster: She thought she was a lesbian, but she was a midget.

–L train

Suit to female companion: Even lesbians have to eat!

–34th St

Overheard by: oh, is that why i’m so hungry?

Uh-Oh, Wednesday One-Liners Are Staining

Queer to friend: Tomorrow is flow day! That’s when you have to wear a pad and a tampon!

–W 3rd, between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: good golly

20-something girl: They didn’t have tampons, so I got Smirnoff Ice.

–Lincoln Place & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: That’s gotta hurt

Hot chick on cell: I’m off! Wish me and my menstrual cup luck!

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman: That would be a really awful super-power to have ?- the ability to make a woman menstruate whenever you fuck her.

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Argopelter

Wednesday One-Liners Call Themselves “Publicists”

Announcer dude: People, get the Audio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there thinking, ‘I should have listened to that handsome, well-spoken man downstairs.’ You’ll be beating yourself for not buying the Audio Guide. And I don’t need that on my conscience.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: George Carstocea

Daily News hawker: Sign up here for your free subscription to the Daily News! [Muttering] We’ll screw you later.

–Outside Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Mrs. Met

Guy selling comedy show tickets: Come on, have a ticket. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your MySpace page!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Punkgrrl

Top of the Rock promoter guy: Yeah, it’s supposed to be, like, the best view or whatever of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fellow promoter] Yo, man, you ever been up there?

–Rockefeller Center

Flyer dude: See the naked cowboy on stage! Sucking cock!

–46th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ashley

Guy selling newspapers: New York Post here! Daily News here! [He’s ignored.] New York Post here! Daily News! [Still ignored.] George Bush wins the lottery! [Still ignored.]

–33rd & 7th

Comedy club promoter: People, you gotta come tonight, because if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!

–Times Square

The Ugly Business of Wednesday One-Liners

Agitated papi: I love him like a brother, but he a fuckin’ inconsiderate, ungrateful, selfish bastard! And he got a ugly baby!

–14th & University

Overheard by: Manhattman

Young Kid: New York is ugly!

–JFK

Overheard by: Latoya Siratana

Wise teen girl: That’s not giving up on him. That’s letting him fuck uglier girls.

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: walking the bridge

Giggling little girl in stroller: I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly…!

–Downtown R train

Older woman to complete stranger: You should really stop eating that crap because it’s going to make you uglier than you already are!

–Fairway, W 73rd St

Overheard by: just trying to buy my groceries…

B&T guy: As I was saying, just ’cause you’re ugly, don’t mean you’re smart.

–Lower East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Love Drunk Talk

Drunk girl with tinsel in her hair: Alright, so why is in my history that it says "thehugestcock.com"?

–Starbucks, Sheridan Square

Drunk guy: The Amazins? Fuck them! The only amazin' thing about them is they never fucking win…

–Downtown 6 Train

Drunk man at 1:30 am: Vagina bar!

–49th St, Astoria

Drunk girlfriend to even drunker boyfriend: Ohmigod! I have to get up in five hours and teach!

–116th St

Jelly Roll Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: … So she had sex with both Rush Limbaugh and Bernie Kerik? Ewww, I wouldn’t want to be her vagina!

–10 E 53rd St

Overheard by: I thought ewww, too

Fat latina: You mean it don’t shake and jump up and down? Girl, what kinda clit do you have?

–Stanton & Clinton

Old guy sweeping sidewalk: You won’t see me begging for no pussy. No way.

–118th & 5th

Overheard by: robin b

Girl in skirt to boy, both standing in the cold: If you could see my undercarriage right now you would see that it’s quivering.

–21st & Broadway

Guy on cell: Yeah, girl. Well, just wait, ’cause I’m gonna terrorize your pussy tonight.

–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Peter Rice

Lesbian: … So I was like, ‘Fine, bitch. You can shove your own fucking fingers up your own fucking cooch. I’m going to put on my clothes and sit in the corner and change my Facebook status…’

–Restroom, Stuyvesant High School

Teen boy: I ate too much pussy. Now I have pussy poisoning.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: sara swank

Chicken-Fried Wednesday One-Liners

40-year-old mom: Last year they took the class to a farm in Brooklyn, and he punted a live chicken.

–Christopher St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: confused

Woman in chicken suit handing out flyers: Please take one so I can go home!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Maggie

Girl on cell: … So he was right in the middle of the chicken…

–119th & Broadway

Teen girl: The chickens are gonna kill me, seriously!

–8th & Ocean

Hobo: Do you know how much I regret that? Nobody got AIDS… except the chicken.

–W 4th St subway station

The Darker Side of Wednesday One-liners

Woman: You need to swim as much as possible to keep the evil away.

–Riverbank State Park

Guy: Don’t they have a special section for people in jail?

–Hallmark, 23rd Street

Overheard by: nj

Grandfather: If you don’t listen, I’m never taking you anyplace else dangerous again.

–Belvedere Castle

Guy: Yeah, I had to put my foot down. I decided it’s not okay for my kids to play with firearms anymore.

–4 train

Suit on cell: Blood is very, very chic.

–85th & Lexington

Overheard by: Harri

Guy on cell: How should I know who’s going to be there?…Why do you care who’s going to be there? It’s a funeral, not a fucking social event.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ciaran

Woman on cell: Dude, I have a shagadelic aura, because they fucked all night when they were here. That’s why I sold them.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Selenay

Suit: Man, I was upstate last week, fuck that clean air shit.

–62nd & Columbus

Overheard by: Tabitha

Guy: We’re all Cannabis. We get the chance, we’ll eat each other.

–Kudo Beans, 1st Avenue

Queer: Oh, I forgot to fucking tell you. I sold my soul for $150.

–Christopher Street

Wednesday One-liners Sparkle and Shine

Hipster on cell: Okay. After my nap. Call me from the park once you are covered in glitter and I will come down.

–14th & B

Hipster chick: I’m totally boycotting the sun this summer.

–L train

Overheard by: Matt Ferrin

Guy on cell: …and I just told him, “I don’t care what you say. As far as I’m concerned, I am the star of a Broadway musical.”

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Bridget Unnel