Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

The Rainbow Flag Hangs Over Wednesday One-liners

Queer: That’s why you never bring a drunk pussy to a gay club. –17th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: Robert Girl on cell: But wait, was she gay or was she lesbian? –8th & Broadway Queer on cell: Pussy? You mean Pussy?…No?… No, I know Hibiscus…Is that the one with the boyfriend at the bar?…Pussy!…Well, are you the good witch or the wicked witch? Oh, I guess that won’t work for you, you’ve never seen Wizard of Oz. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: mh Girl: Oh my God, I hear heterosexual voices! –18th & 8th Older guy: I’m still trying to figure out who designed this bathroom. I mean, whoever designed this place wanted something up their ass. –Pavilion movie theater, Park Slope Overheard by: Daniel Radosh Girl: Yeah, but I mean, this gay thing’s gonna be in him forever… –East Drive, Central Park Woman on cell: Well, if he wears a dress shirt with really nice jeans, that makes it a little less gay for them. –4th Avenue & 12th Street Overheard by: Tommy Raiko RuPaul II: Mmm, I would suck spare rib outta his dick…sauce and all. –Christopher Street Guy: Yeah, I don’t like lip rings that much. They get dirty too easily, y’know, from food and sucking cock… –MacDougal Tattoo, Sullivan Street Overheard by: gwen limbach Chelsea boy on cell: Hey, honey, I saw you leave with that hot bartender last night. I’m coming over with a couple of videos and that vinaigrette I borrowed, and you’re telling me everything. –21st & 7th Woman: Of course. I’m in and out of the closet all the time. –Dojo, St. Mark’s Place Overheard by: Ellen Girl on cell: So he told me that sucking cock didn’t make him gay…and I said, “How’s that if you never go down on me?”…fucking faggot! –F train

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Crash Moment

Teen chick: You know, when I think about it, I really don’t know how she can be my sister. Our birthdays are exactly one month apart, and she’s light-skinned. –B48 bus, Brooklyn Overheard by: eefers Kid to another: No, really. I’m telling you — Michael Jackson used to be black. I saw it on TV. –B61 bus, Brooklyn Lady to friend: Your black ass is going to melt just as fast as my white ass if there is a nuclear war. –116th & Broadway White girl to another: So, what’s your dream ethnicity? –Q train, Canal St Big black guy: I love Old Navy because it’s like GAP, but for black people. –Old Navy, 6th Ave Conductor: Next stop, Penn Station. Black power, motherfuckers. –2 train, 42nd St

The Wednesday One-Liners behind the Badge

Male cop to another: Did I tell you today how much I love you? –34th & 8th Overheard by: Egon Thug jumping onto train just as doors were closing: Yo, what train is this? Nah, I don’t care as long as the cops didn’t see me. –C train, Penn Station Overheard by: go rangers! Cop car loudspeaker to random driver: Please use your turn signal when you make an illegal left turn and cut off the bus causing an accident. –8th & University Overheard by: misspenny Conductor: Do not go in between cars at any time, whether or not the train is moving. This is becoming a police state. That’s why I’m outta here. –S train, Grand Central Overheard by: Hametuka

Pepé Le Pew’s Scentimental Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Hey, ladies. [Girls giggle.] You smell so good — like Campbell’s soup! –10th & Broadway Overheard by: Emily Man on cell: You tell your smelly sisters that they have to shower tonight. –39th & 5th Queer hipster to fag hag: Oh my god, his placenta stank! –N train Overheard by: Lauren Chick to friend: Shut up, or I’ll sniff you in a minute! –Central Park JAP: Ew, like — I like, washed my hair, like, this morning… Why does it, like, smell? Ewww… That’s sooo bimmey! –1 train Chipper thugette: I smell pussy! –L train, Bedford stop

Looks Like a Job for the Wednesday One-Liner Whisperer

Urban Tarzan: I grew up in a house of monkeys. My mother was a monkey, my father was a monkey, my brother was a pig. –Main St, Roosevelt Island Overheard by: king volcano Customer on cell: Well, the kids finally found Grandma’s python. –Dollar Store, Fulton St Overheard by: fiat lux Genius: I really can’t stand cats. They’re just furry rats. –Washington Square Park Woman: I feel so guilty when the cat catches me masturbating. –B&J Fabrics, 7th Ave Overheard by: Shamrock Young man on cell: Wait. Are you talking about what’s normal for penguins or what’s normal for four-year-olds? –Elevator, Bellevue Hospital Overheard by: patient White teen: Turkeys are mad strong, you know that? –Bleecker between Lafayette & Broadway Overheard by: Jon A. Middle-aged woman on cell: I have to get home to cook spaghetti for my cat. –3rd Ave, between 53rd & 54th

Start the Clock, Wednesday One-liners

Suit: You know, at 2:30 in the morning, I become, like, a zombie of love. –G train Chick: There’s this guy who lives in that clock over there. They showed his apartment on TV. It’s like a prehistoric landmark. –F train Overheard by: mh Chick on cell: Yeah, I’m a ten-minutes-early girl and you’re a ten-minutes-late girl, and together that makes us twenty minutes late. –Houston & Eldridge Overheard by: Shane Yuppie lady: Let’s see your tits!…Hey, we’ve got time. Take off your top. –Bryant Park Guy on cell: You can’t fist someone for that long. They turn into a handpuppet after 5 minutes. –47th & 5th

The Little Wednesday One-Liners That Could

Lady suit: Every time I get on the subway there’s always some freak of nature sitting there. I wish they’d do something about that! –34th & 7th Dorky teen boy: This is the subway station?! Wow! –2nd floor, Port Authority Overheard by: JoBell Lady suit: If you smoke enough pot, the B Train becomes the Hogwarts Express! –DeKalb station Overheard by: jaded Blonde: I’ve only ever taken the shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square. I’ve never gone East on it. I don’t know how. –1 train Overheard by: minerfa Dad to young son as doors close: Come on, come on, come on! [He holds the closing doors, and they make it inside.] Um, don’t ever do that. –F train Overheard by: dianora

Don’t Drink and Wednesday One-Liner

Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds look-alike: Well, you tell her that I will cut Miss Daisy before I drive her. –51st & 8th Overheard by: Nigel Chick to guy: I’ll give you 20 bucks and suck your dick the whole way if you give me a ride home. –5th & 2nd Woman to man: Well, if we’re not going to drive anywhere, we might as well drink! –Mulberry St Overheard by: Hazel Lady to friend: Yeah, he traded the Camry for a Tahoe, so now the sperm and eggs can all fit into one car. –49th & 5th Overheard by: seann r Messenger with hand truck: Tell them there is no fucking truck — I’m the truck! –28th & 7th

Wednesday One-Liners Look Manly in Tights

Despondent hobo: Spider-Man is dead, mothafuckah. –Thompson & Bleecker Overheard by: Emily B. Earnest white girl: So, I’ve been thinking about it, and here’s what I’m picturing — dat ho is lyin’ flat on her stomach, and Superman is on top of her, but he has to maybe keep his arms out in front of him like he’s in flyin’ position… And it seems like maybe it would be easier to Superman a small person… I bet you could Superman a big girl. Yeah, definitely. –H&M, Soho Angry vendor in heavy accent, after police bust nearby: They just arrest him. They arrest everybody. They think they are Superman! –Greene St, Soho Overheard by: Rich Mintz Costumed guy: Two things you never do — you never pull Superman’s cape, and you never kick Spider-Man in the nuts! [To friend dressed as Spider-Man] You are wearing a cup, right? –13th & University Overheard by: theresa

Wednesday One-liners Teach Your Children Well

Pregnant woman to 3-year-old son: Do you remember what happened last time you licked the subway? That’s right. You threw up. –4 train Overheard by: Leora Parent: My son is only two years old, sittin’ at the bar, talkin’ ’bout “old school.” How you gon’ talk ’bout “old school” when you two years old? I think my brother taught him that. –Merrill Lynch lobby, Broadway & Park Row Mom to 4-year-old: Stop crying and take a moment and think about how you feel. –Broadway & 104th