Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Real Page-Turner

Woman: He read a book on fisting, and now he wants to share it with his class.

–L train

Dude: They should have made Beowulf into a book — they would have made a lot more money.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: LetheaBu

Girl: It used to be the only reason I liked Anna Quindlen was ’cause she was blind. Now it’s like, ‘Dude, she can read?!’

–Barnard College

NYU bimbette to studious friend: Your problem is that you read for all your classes. Sobriety and scholarly. Those are your problems.

–Starbucks, W 4th St

Overheard by: wine girl

Nine-year-old girl: I forgot my book, and I was supposed to do a report on it! Now what am I going to do?! I’m so senile.

–JFK

Overheard by: mr itchie

Book-hawking hobo: … And this is my new book, ‘If You Don’t Beat Your Children, They’ll End Up Like Me’!

–6 train

Overheard by: Zarek

Wednesday Conga Liners

Man on cell: Yeah, so do you know that show Dancing with the Stars? They got the idea for it from the camera in my shower.

–6th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: Alicia

Aging badass to lady friend: Yeah, I totally got escorted out of a Tom Petty concert for dancing in the aisles.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Original Badass

Black guy: Hey everybody! Stop what you’re doing! There’s two black guys about to dance on this train! That’s something you don’t see often!

–A Train

Flamboyant gay man to friend: You can’t sashay in there. There’s no room to sashay at all.

–Outside LGBT Community Center, during Fur Ball

Overheard by: pandarants

Drunk Asian girl: It’s always time to dance in North Korea.

–2nd St & Ave B

A Tree Grows in Wednesday One-Liners

Father to daughter: Girl, whatchu doing? You tryin’a go to cross the bridge? You tryin’a go to Brooklyn? You want some cheesecake? Some crack?

–Centre St & Park Row

Overheard by: Barry P.

NYU social planner: I wanted to get all the freshmen out of the city for a little so I took them to Brooklyn.

–Main Building, NYU

Girl on cell: I’m not going to Brooklyn sober!

–12th & Broadway

Woman on cell: So are you in town this weekend or in Brooklyn?

–39th & 8th

Overheard by: The Lovely Miss Katie

Chick: Do you know the rules for being in Brooklyn?

–Law office, 54th & 5th

Overheard by: The legal intern

Bill Batson: It’s like the Native Americans all over again. Brooklynites, we’re indigenous. And now Manhattan wants Manifest Destiny.

–Vanderbilt & Dekalb, Fort Greene, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Larissa Kyzer

Little boy: I’m not going to Brooklyn! It’s stupid!

–110th & Broadway

High Colonic Wednesday One-Liners

Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowling ball!

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Jared

Male student to two friends: No, they literally put it in your ass!

–51st & Broadway

Overheard by: tin steve

Bilingual hipster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who wanted to order the flan and you were the one who wanted to put it up where it doesn’t belong! Exit only! Flan exit only! No entrada por nada!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for housekeeping…

–Lobby of W Hotel, Union Square

Train announcer: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.

–2 train, 72nd St

Overheard by: Brett

Gay man in kitchen: There’s absolutely nothing gay about me other than the cooking and the cleaning, and the taking it up the ass.

–207th St, Woodlawn, Bronx

Thug: Baby… C’mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.

–Hoboken PATH Station

Overheard by: Seph

Guido: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-taker-inner!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo

Wednesday One-Liners Rent Bronx Butt-Sluts

Hipster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some advice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a banana and shove it up your ass?’

–Bedford Ave

Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep!

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Auston McLain

Girl to guy: I am not shoving anything in your hole!

–LIRR

Overheard by: mish

Middle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass.

–5th Ave & Union

Overheard by: Stephen

Woman on cell: You tell him he better pay for it. I better get his money. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fucking dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he better fucking pay for it.

–Restroom, JFK

Overheard by: colette

Angry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t understand religion!

–Empire State Building, 34th & 5th

Overheard by: Wendy Booz

Wombsday One-Liners

Woman holding large ice cream, to man: You don’t know what it’s like to menstruate! You have no idea!

–Lafeyette & Astor Pl

Overheard by: I have some idea

Newspaper guy: It’s just like when I was selling tampons to Alicia Silverstone. I was like, ‘Is this my life?’

–34th & Broadway

Chick to friends: I think my mom is going through menopause. She wants to move to Colorado.

–St. John’s University, Queens

Biotech to friend: Stop doing the tampon dance and let’s get out of here already.

–Duane Reade

Well-dressed Indian man shouting at woman: You don’t need no fucking tampons! Tampax — that’s a tampon! Tampax is the fucking mafia!

–2 train

Overheard by: Still Confused

Wednesday One-Liners’ Next Stop Is Meth

Man shouting to woman nearby: Yo! You better hurry up. I got you a ride. I’m going straight to the bridge, and I ain’t stopping for no crack!

–Amsterdam Ave & 92nd St.

Overheard by: Dana

Girl in dress to friends: And that was the first time I sucked dick for crack…

–10th St & Ave A

Man to another as he walks away: Don’t spend it all in one crackhouse.

–SoHo

Woman, yelling at man twenty feet ahead: Hey! Don’t walk away from me. At least you got crack yesterday!

–Broadway & 96th St

Wednesday One-Liners Have a View to a Kill

God freak: The Christians are praying and not killing. The Christians only kill once in two thousand years, or maybe a thousand years. Three hundred years. God will forgive you for killing a hundred men, but he will kill you because of the radio.

–R train

Chick on cell: You murdered him? Oh… you didn’t. Well that’s good. It would have been bad for your image.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Laura 

Dude: Yo, don’t be so angry while I kill everyone.

–GWB Terminal, 175th St

Bean-Lover: And I said, “Yo, bitch, I kill you for a can o’ pinto beans.”

–10th St & 1st Ave

B&T girl: I want that exact kind of relationship. Except for, like, the whole mass murdering thing.

–Knitting Factory, Leonard St

Professor: Why kill yourself when you can just steal someone else’s idea?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: acep & arielle 

Woman on cell: Do you know how many executions I’ve been to over the last year?…5.

–Central Park

Overheard by: MC 

Who Put the Bomp in the Wednesday One-Liners?

Blind panhandler, singing: Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I’m found, was blind but now I see… If you want my body and you think I’m sexy, come on, honey, let me know…

–N train

Overheard by: Dan McInerney

Hispanic man singing loudly to tune of ‘Yellow Submarine’: We all live in your mother’s dungarees, your mother’s dungarees, your mother’s dungarees…

–35th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: CCF

Hobo singing to himself: I want to eat pussy, I want to eat pussy.

–Hudson & Christopher

Overheard by: Someone in a Tree

Street corner freestyler: You can’t send me back like Elian, what the hellian?

–Washington Square

Four-year-old, singing: We in the bed like, ‘Oooh, oooh, oooh, like oooh, oooh, oooh!’

–1 train, 116th St stop

Conductor, rapping: If you hold the doors while the train’s in the station, we will be delayed getting to our destination, and you will find yourself in a situation.

–A train

Overheard by: Ladle