Archive for the ‘Weed’ Category

The Sum Of All Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman on cell: And when my broth­er got near him, his poop came out. That’s how scared he was.

–107th & Broad­way

Woman on cell: So yeah, they are re­al­ly scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark re­al­ly loud, and that’s to­tal­ly worse than them bit­ing you.

–Ma­jes­tic The­ater

Girl on cell: I went in for ge­net­ic coun­sel­ing and I found out things that scared me.

–10th Ave & 39th St

Over­heard by: Todd Fletch­er

Girl on cell: No, you can’t go! I’m too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.

–Su­per­mar­ket, As­to­ria

Con­duc­tor: Nev­er fear! The phan­tom of the train is here!

–7 Train

Over­heard by: Alex

Try “Dog­gies for Drug­gies,” Sir

Young thug to AS­P­CA rep with Pit Bull: Yo, is that a Pit Bull? Can I get her?
AS­P­CA rep: Yes, she is up for adop­tion, her name is…
Young thug: Yo, that’s cool, cuz I like sell weed and shit, and I need a pit.
AS­P­CA rep: Uhh… (turns and walks away)
Young thug: I ain’t gonna beat her.

–Union Square, AS­P­CA Day

Over­heard by: Some­body should beat him.

Wheel­ing and Deal­ing (A NYC Short Sto­ry)

Chick on cell: …girl, you know I told her I would give her $5 and she would put in five. Right, so the guy gave us two dimes, right?… No, he gave us the sec­ond one for free, but it looked man­gled, so then we went out back to smoke it and hers flew away…Yeah, it flew away in­to the bush­es. Yo, I told her if she want­ed to smoke grass for re­als, that’s on her. I was like, I’m out…Right, so then I did­n’t have no mon­ey to get back on the bus be­cause my metro­card ran out at 8:30. She on­ly had a dol­lar, and I was like, “what am I sup­posed to do with a dol­lar?”.

–BX40 bus

Think of the Starv­ing Ba­by Birds in Africa

Guy on cell: Yeah…right…uh huh…hold on a sec­ond.

He leans over and throws up on the side­walk.

Guy on cell: What were you say­ing?

–59th & 5th

Over­heard by: Jeff Hub­bard

Woman #1: I wan­na get re­al­ly stoned so I can throw up.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Just to know I can.

–LIRR

Girl: I want to throw up. Like, I have some puke in the back of my throat.

–Broad­way & West 4th

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

And Look What Hap­pened to Them.

Drunk white girl #1: African Amer­i­cans smoked a lot of weed back in the day.
Drunk white girl #2: Yeah! That’s why they’re so strong and shit to­day. Weed is what made the blacks strong!
Drunk white girl #1: Oh… Did I say “African Amer­i­cans”? I meant to say “Amer­i­can In­di­ans.”
(both laugh)

–Out­side Le Bar Bat, Hel­l’s Kitchen