Archive for the ‘Weed’ Category

And Look What Hap­pened to Them.

Drunk white girl #1: African Amer­i­cans smoked a lot of weed back in the day.
Drunk white girl #2: Yeah! That’s why they’re so strong and shit to­day. Weed is what made the blacks strong!
Drunk white girl #1: Oh… Did I say “African Amer­i­cans”? I meant to say “Amer­i­can In­di­ans.”
(both laugh)

–Out­side Le Bar Bat, Hel­l’s Kitchen

A Mis­un­der­stand­ing Re­gard­ing Whether Her Man Should Con­tin­ue Breath­ing

Woman: This is the sec­ond time I been to New York, though, ’cause last time my girl was like, “Do you like the nightlife?” and I said, “Yeah,” and she was like, “Then you got­ta get to the city, bitch,” and I got ar­rest­ed for smok­ing a blunt on some­one’s brown­stone.
Man: That’s ter­ri­ble.
Woman: Oh no, I mean, it was like the sec­ond time I got ar­rest­ed, you know, so it was like no big deal.
Man: What hap­pened the first time?
Girl: Oh, that was just a mis­un­der­stand­ing. I was like 14, and I was wit’ ma man, and we was hav­ing words–like, we was hav­ing a disagreement–and I stabbed him, is all. It was just a mis­un­der­stand­ing.

–Chi­na­town bus

Over­heard by: Fung Wah­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Thank God for Their Pig­gy Banks

Lit­tle boy,jumping up and down: The Dow Jones is up! The Dow Jones is up!

–86th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Some Ran­dom Girl

Crazy man, shout­ing at no one in par­tic­u­lar: Fuck the econ­o­my, your ass­hole just dropped 200 points!

–8th Ave & 19th St

Slack­er on a smoke break: Yeah, Mc­Cain said he is go­ing to sus­pend his cam­paign so that he can work on the econ­o­my. I mean, re­al­ly. It would be like me say­ing I’m sus­pend­ing my pot dis­tri­b­u­tion so that I can work on quan­tum physics.

–For­est Ave., Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: po­lit­i­cal lis­ten­er

Hobo on sub­way to man in suit: Spare change? Any­one? Spare change for the home­less? You look like you worked for Lehman Broth­ers, you’re ex­cused.

–51st St

Over­heard by: Kate

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Ain’t Got the Mon­ey, Hon­ey

Old­er man, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: That’s why I keep my in­come low, so no one jumps me.

–Myr­tle & Clin­ton, Brook­lyn

Woman with scratch-off lot­to card to friend: I won four dol­lars! I won four dol­lars! You know I can’t spend that, though. I got­ta get food for my kids. Those nig­gas be hun­gry!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

An­gel­ic-look­ing teen girl scream­ing in­to cell: Are you com­ing to the movies with me? You’re broke? Just mug some­one on the way. Mug some­one! (pause) Mug! M‑u-g! Rhymes with “thug”!

–Cham­bers & West St

Puer­to Ri­can dude on cell: I ain’t got no mon­ey. I got weed, but I ain’t got no mon­ey.

–25th St & 7th Ave

Vil­lage la­dy: She was in fore­clo­sure be­fore it was fash­ion­able to be in fore­clo­sure.

–Bleeck­er & Mer­cer

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pre­fer Sub­way Sand­wich­es

Lost-look­ing chick on cell: Why do they al­ways fuck with the trains on week­ends? Don’t they know there are stoned peo­ple try­ing to get home?

–Sub­way Plat­form, Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Poog­tas­tic

Loud­speak­er dis­patch­er la­dy: Hey you! Up­town num­ber 5! You bet­ter stop stick­ing your head out the win­dow and an­swer me on the ra­dio!

–Up­town 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Over­heard by: da sarkastik nin­ja.

El­e­gant gen­tle­man, as train starts to de­part sta­tion: Oh, I did­n’t re­al­ize the train was go­ing to move.

–Crowd­ed Up­town 1 Train

MTA an­nounce­ment: The up­town 1 train is run­ning.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kriszti­na

Dis­patch­er: The ar­riv­ing train will be the next train. The ar­riv­ing train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Over­heard by: Ka­trink

Old man: I’m com­ing, train. I’m com­ing. I’m com­ing, train, you son of a bitch bas­tard!

–6 Train

Wednes­day One-lin­ers, the Play

British guy: Two tick­ets to Grand Cen­tral, please.

–Bowl­ing Green sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kirsten Teas­dale

Woman on cell: I’m not go­ing to punch her in the mouth, Dan­ny.

–Grand Cen­tral sta­tion

Suit: You’re ru­in­ing my life, you pot-smok­ing whore!

–34th & Broad­way