Archive for the ‘Weed’ Category

Some Half-Baked Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b‑o-n‑g.

–19th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with or­ange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don’t smoke that Scoo­by Doo­bie Doo. Don’t get high tonight!

–125th & Lenox

Over­heard by: Plau­si­ble

Young hip­ster: So I said, “Mom, did you smoke with me?”

–Cen­tral Park Reser­voir

An­gry girl­friend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don’t want me smok­ing pot, you don’t want me smok­ing cig­a­rettes or cloves, you don’t want me chew­ing gum and now you don’t like lol­lipops? So tell me, Pe­ter, what can I put in my mouth that’s okay with you?

–L Train

Over­heard by: It’s me, bitch­es.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot deal­er, be­cause the stuff you’re smok­ing is re­al­ly good.

–Coop­er Union

Over­heard by: me too

Guy talk­ing on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 min­utes. (pause) Yeah, I’m se­ri­ous! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don’t you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it un­til you can’t see any­more and then I’ll be there. Al­right? Bye.

–8th Ave & 27th St

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca Fried­man

Girl: I mean hon­est­ly, who at NYU does­n’t smell like weed?

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

The Day Mom­bolu Changed Pro­fes­sions

Talk­a­tive hobo, see­ing woman hold­ing pa­pers about Africa: What’s up in Africa? You don’t look African.
Dig­ni­fied woman: I used to work in An­go­la.
Talk­a­tive hobo: That’s the best kind of job to have, where they pay to send you all over the world. Damn, I bet it costs $2000 to fly to An­go­la if you were pay­ing for it out of your own pock­et.
Dig­ni­fied woman: Ac­tu­al­ly, it costs more than that. It’s about $4000 to fly to An­go­la and back from here.
Talk­a­tive hobo: Holy shit! $4000 to fly to An­go­la and back? Do you know how much weed I could buy for $4000? I could sit my ass in the park all day and smoke my­self to death! Damn!

–1 Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have the City’s Shit­ti­est Job

Com­e­dy club pro­mot­er: Com­e­dy club, com­e­dy club. Laugh un­til you get vi­o­lent di­ar­rhea!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Patrick

Com­e­dy pro­mot­er to girl walk­ing by: Hey, you like com­e­dy? (girl ig­nores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.

–48th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: MsPrint

Com­e­dy show tick­et sales­man on side­walk: Com­e­dy show! Free vi­bra­tors! New bat­ter­ies!

–Times Square

Guy pro­mot­ing com­e­dy club to cou­ple hold­ing hands: Hey, what are you two do­ing tonight? …be­sides each oth­er?

–Times Square

Com­e­dy pro­mot­er: Want to see a com­e­dy show? We’ve got free mar­i­jua­na down­stairs.

–W 43rd St & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: Daniel

His Next Move Was to Ask a Friend­ly Po­lice Of­fi­cer Where He Could Pro­cure Some

For­eign­er, show­ing bong: And here is what I bought to­day.
Ghet­to kid: Yeah, whatcha gonna put in there? To­bac­co?
For­eign­er: Yes, I put the to­bac­co in here. The to­bac­co.
Ghet­to kid: No, man. You got­ta put some weed in there. You ever heard of weed?
For­eign­er: Weed? No…weed? I don’t un­der­stand.
Ghet­to kid: Get some weed. You put a lit­tle weed in there, smoke it up, and you’re set.
For­eign­er: Yes, thank you. Weed.

–Brook­lyn bound B train

Over­heard by: An­ti-Traf­fic Girl

Wednes­day One-Lin­er’s Last Dance with Mary Jane

Pro­fes­sor: We will talk about the JDC–the Amer­i­can Jew­ish Joint Dis­tri­b­u­tion Com­mit­tee. And no, they were not dis­pens­ing mar­i­jua­na.

–Queens Col­lege

Over­heard by: Sha­niP

Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was sell­ing, and that bitch was like, “Ka­t­ri­na, for how much?” And I was like “Oh my god, mom, it does­n’t mat­ter how much the weed is go­ing for, all that mat­ters is the qual­i­ty!”

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: pene­lope

Ran­dom stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom’s house!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Rhi­an

Col­lege stu­dent on cell: Mom, you’ve got to stop smok­ing so much weed. I mean, fuck!

–Time Square

Ran­dom dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, al­co­hol, mar­i­jua­na, Chips Ahoy! I got it!

–44th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Lag­ster

Street ven­dor: Pra­da bags, Louis Vuit­ton bags, Guc­ci bags, mar­i­jua­na bags… (every­one looks over at him) Hey, I got­ta make mon­ey some­how.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: mary jane