Archive for the ‘Wheelbos’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Un­der­stand the Cau­cus Sys­tem

Bleach-blonde: I would to­tal­ly vote for Mc­Cain if Mi­ley Cyrus were his run­ning mate.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: De­mo­c­rat

Woman: Oh, I am def­i­nite­ly a sin­gle-is­sue vot­er. And right now, that is­sue is: Which one of the can­di­dates can get me to a bath­room soon­est?

–7th Av­enue, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Chuck­ell

Drunk hobo to a group of pi­geons: And they’re all De­moc­rats. Can’t trust them De­moc­rats.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Young African Amer­i­can woman speak­ing an­i­mat­ed­ly on cell: … Vice pres­i­dent? Why should I run for Vice Pres­i­dent, I’m do­ing bet­ter than you, bitch! “Dream tick­et!” That’s why I hate white lib­er­als. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Re­pub­li­cans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124th St, Harlem

Drunk wheel­bo, shout­ing across the en­tire fer­ry ter­mi­nal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–White­hall Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

La­dy on cell: When you done turn Gov­er­nor, you can’t play dat shit…

–As­so­ci­at­ed Su­per­mar­ket, Myr­tle Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: PdQ

Can Civ­il En­gi­neer­ing Cor­rect This Lack Of Ci­vil­i­ty? Dis­cuss.

(nurse with el­der­ly la­dy on wheel­chair comes against Asian Amer­i­can preg­nant woman with ba­by in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I’m sor­ry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian Amer­i­can preg­nant woman: Oh, I’m sor­ry, I can…
Se­nile old la­dy: Get out of the way, chink!
(in­fant cries)
Asian Amer­i­can preg­nant woman: Ex­cuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I’m so sor­ry.
Se­nile old la­dy: Don’t apol­o­gize!
(nurse backs up and lets moth­er and child through)

–Wash­ing­ton Square Vil­lage

Over­heard by: zgold­berg

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Were Ex­tras for the Thriller Video

Dude: I once saw Don­ald Suther­land get pushed up a flight of stairs by a ghost in a ho­tel in Toron­to.

–Sher­a­ton Ho­tel, 52nd & 7th

Over­heard by: Matthew Rick

Queer: Vam­pires are sooo ’80s.

–7th & 2nd

Over­heard by: Es­ther

Wheel­bo: I don’t like to tell peo­ple this… But I’m a mon­ster!

–72nd & Am­s­ter­dam

Bar­tender: If you touch the lep­rechaun, there is a fine.

–Brook­lyn

Crazy guy on train: Those schem­ing con­nivers — they send Ro­mans and zom­bies af­ter you.

–V train

Over­heard by: oth­er end of the train

Man ask­ing friend in earnest: … But where are you go­ing to get that many were­wolves?

–12th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Mar­ty

Hip­ster: All she needs is a vam­pire to keep her warm.

–30th & 3rd

Over­heard by: buffy fan

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, in a Nut­shell.

Man in car at stop­light on cell: Yeah, so I grabbed a tow­el for my nuts and ran down the stairs. Yes, I cov­ered my nuts. So I run down the stairs cov­er­ing my nuts with a tow­el be­cause I knew where the smoke was com­ing from!

–127th & Lenox

Street tough to guy in wheel­chair: So you kicked him in the nuts? (shrugs) Yeah, word.

–E 2nd St & Ave C

Over­heard by: Ben Couch

Crazy man: Where’s Howie? Where’s my fa­vorite nut-nut?

–Han­son Place

Over­heard by: JBeck

Dude on cell while rid­ing bi­cy­cle: It’s hang­ing off your nuts?

–Williams­burg

Mom 20-some­thing daugh­ter head­ing to Penn Sta­tion: Should we grab our nuts, at least?

–7th Ave & 34th St

Over­heard by: Just don’t grab my nuts

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Old­er, but No Wis­er

Crotch­ety old Jew­ish la­dy, pass­ing Palm Sun­day pa­rade: East­er is for am­a­teurs.

–W 72nd St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Nao­mi Choy Smith

Lit­tle old la­dy look­ing down steep base­ment stair­way: Wow…I would­n’t want to be drunk go­ing down those stairs!

–Broome & Es­sex

Old guy: I’m go­ing out for a smoke. If you see some­one take this jack­et, shoot to kill.

–Star­bucks

Old man with beard, hunched over walk­er, watch­ing cou­ple hold­ing hands: You two been doin’ the nasty, ain’t ya?

–27th & Broad­way

Old black la­dy in wheel­chair: I mean, what was he gonna do with a dead body?

–Bow­ery

Over­heard by: Lau­ren

Very old man to an­oth­er, in thick New York ac­cent: Ya got­ta take it…and put it on ya rec­tum like this. (demon­strates with hand ges­ture)

–53rd St & 10th Ave

El­der­ly gen­tle­man to an­oth­er: From now on, you will obey me!

–Carnegie Hall

Every One-Lin­er Has Its Wednes­day

Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black stan­dard poo­dle with own­er: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl!

–22nd St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: Tiger­tail

Mid­dle-age woman to over­groomed poo­dle, as it takes a dump in the mid­dle of the side­walk: Ohh­h­hh! Char­lie, that’s look­ing a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don’t eat it!

–14th St & Uni­ver­si­ty Place

Over­heard by: Bee

Crazy hobo in wheel­chair, to small dog on leash pass­ing by: Me­ow. Me­ow! Me­ow!

–Union Square

Large black man to his shag­gy dog: Just be­cause it’s there does­n’t mean you can pee on it. That’s a nice bike!

–9th St & 50th St

Over­heard by: Em­Gusk

Man try­ing to con­trol his bark­ing dog: No! No anx­i­ety! Bad dog! No anx­i­ety!

–St. Mark’s & Ave A

Over­heard by: french bull­dog with nar­cis­sism