Archive for the ‘Wheelbos’ Category

A Re­sound­ing Cho­rus of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Three-year-old: Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girl­friend!

–60th & 5th

Over­heard by: Rich

Hobo singing to self: Pussy’s like a lick­ety split, but if you miss, you wind up in a world of shit.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

Blind weel­bo: Amaaaz­ing grace, how sweet the sound… I once was blind aaand I still am…

–F train

Over­heard by: Sara

Large thug, singing in falset­to: I will looove agaaain, even if it takes a life­time to get ooover you­uu…

–Mi­lano Mar­ket, 113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

Tal­ent­less busker, singing: All my lov­ing, I will send to you… All my lov­ing, dar­ling, I’ll be true [tries to whis­tle in­stru­men­tal break, and fails]. My lip! There’s some­thing wrong with my lip!

–63rd & Lex Ave sta­tion

Over­heard by: Aloof Lon­er

Every Lit­tle Wednes­day One-Lin­er Helps

Crazy hobo to pass­ing Ford­ham stu­dents: Y’all crazy moth­er­fuck­ers pay 40 grand a year to get a damn ed­u­ca­tion. Y’all don’t need no ed­u­ca­tion. Pay 40 grand to get me food! Hell, I’ll take four dol­lars! Look at me — I got no ed­u­ca­tion, and I turned out just fine.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: one of those moth­a­fuck­ers

Wheel­bo: I don’t care what they say, I promise you I’ll pay you back.

–Bat­tery Park

Over­heard by: MBS

Hobo: I need mon­ey for al­co­hol, drugs, and a hook­er… Hey, at least I’m not bull­shit­ting you.

–35th & 4th

Hobo, as girl near­by drops her Vogue: Oh, no! Some­body dropped their Torah!

–E train

Hobo, to pass­ing suit: Hey, ass­hole, why don’t you get a job like every­one else, and stop tak­ing my mon­ey?!

–34th & 8th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Talk with Their Mouths Full

An­gry la­dy to boyfriend: They don’t pay my fuck­ing rent! They don’t eat my fuck­ing pussy!

–E 9th & 5th

Man on cell: It comes down to about sev­en dol­lars a blowjob.

–59th & 5th

Wheel­bo, po­lite­ly: Ex­cuse me, does the bus stop here? [Ig­nored, so ad­dress­es next passer­by po­lite­ly] Par­don me, ma’am? Are you look­ing for a dick to suck?

–42nd & Madi­son

Over­heard by: No, I am not.

SVA pho­tog­ra­phy teacher: You’d have a bet­ter time giv­ing head to King Kong than us­ing this method.

–SVA, 21st & 3rd

Over­heard by: stu­dent

Kid on cell: … So I said, ‘You can suck my dick for some of your spaghet­ti.’

–Out­side hard­ware store, 102nd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Josh

Dude: If I could’ve gone down on a don­key I would have done it.

–W New York ho­tel, Union Square

17-year-old girl on cell: So, this girl was eat­ing me out, right? [Pause] Oh, sor­ry, I have the wrong num­ber.

–Star­bucks, Union Square West

Here’s to An­oth­er Over­heard Year!

News guy: Get your spe­cial AM Metro News! Spe­cial edi­tion; last one for the year. Get two: one to read and one to frame.

–32nd & 7th

Over­heard by: Mary Beth Han­lon

Teen boy: I re­al­ly want­ed to drink some cham­pagne, but I did­n’t have any flutes, so I had to drink it out of a wine glass.
Teen girl: That’s re­al­ly em­bar­rass­ing.

–Bar­ney’s, Madi­son Av­enue

Wheel­bo: Hap­py new year! Hap­py new year!…Fuck your moth­er!

–9th Street & 2nd Av­enue

Over­heard by: Er­ic

Guy: I guess “not fun­ny” is the new “fun­ny”.

–Com­e­dy Cel­lar, Mac­dou­gal Street