Archive for the ‘Wheelbos’ Category

A Resounding Chorus of Wednesday One-Liners

Three-year-old: Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend!

–60th & 5th

Overheard by: Rich

Hobo singing to self: Pussy’s like a lickety split, but if you miss, you wind up in a world of shit.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Blind weelbo: Amaaazing grace, how sweet the sound… I once was blind aaand I still am…

–F train

Overheard by: Sara

Large thug, singing in falsetto: I will looove agaaain, even if it takes a lifetime to get ooover youuu…

–Milano Market, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Talentless busker, singing: All my loving, I will send to you… All my loving, darling, I’ll be true [tries to whistle instrumental break, and fails]. My lip! There’s something wrong with my lip!

–63rd & Lex Ave station

Overheard by: Aloof Loner

Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Crazy hobo to passing Fordham students: Y’all crazy motherfuckers pay 40 grand a year to get a damn education. Y’all don’t need no education. Pay 40 grand to get me food! Hell, I’ll take four dollars! Look at me — I got no education, and I turned out just fine.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: one of those mothafuckers

Wheelbo: I don’t care what they say, I promise you I’ll pay you back.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: MBS

Hobo: I need money for alcohol, drugs, and a hooker… Hey, at least I’m not bullshitting you.

–35th & 4th

Hobo, as girl nearby drops her Vogue: Oh, no! Somebody dropped their Torah!

–E train

Hobo, to passing suit: Hey, asshole, why don’t you get a job like everyone else, and stop taking my money?!

–34th & 8th

Wednesday One-Liners Talk with Their Mouths Full

Angry lady to boyfriend: They don’t pay my fucking rent! They don’t eat my fucking pussy!

–E 9th & 5th

Man on cell: It comes down to about seven dollars a blowjob.

–59th & 5th

Wheelbo, politely: Excuse me, does the bus stop here? [Ignored, so addresses next passerby politely] Pardon me, ma’am? Are you looking for a dick to suck?

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: No, I am not.

SVA photography teacher: You’d have a better time giving head to King Kong than using this method.

–SVA, 21st & 3rd

Overheard by: student

Kid on cell: … So I said, ‘You can suck my dick for some of your spaghetti.’

–Outside hardware store, 102nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Josh

Dude: If I could’ve gone down on a donkey I would have done it.

–W New York hotel, Union Square

17-year-old girl on cell: So, this girl was eating me out, right? [Pause] Oh, sorry, I have the wrong number.

–Starbucks, Union Square West

Here’s to Another Overheard Year!

News guy: Get your special AM Metro News! Special edition; last one for the year. Get two: one to read and one to frame.

–32nd & 7th

Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon

Teen boy: I really wanted to drink some champagne, but I didn’t have any flutes, so I had to drink it out of a wine glass.
Teen girl: That’s really embarrassing.

–Barney’s, Madison Avenue

Wheelbo: Happy new year! Happy new year!…Fuck your mother!

–9th Street & 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Eric

Guy: I guess “not funny” is the new “funny”.

–Comedy Cellar, Macdougal Street