Archive for the ‘White Trash’ Category

Wednes­day Hearts One-Lin­ers

White trash woman to an­gry boyfriend: Stop! I’m in my car and I love my­self! I love my­self! Fuck you if you don’t love your­self! Tyra says to love your­self, and I love my­self!

–49th & 11th

Con­duc­tor: Pas­sen­gers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, be­cause of our red col­ors and red sched­ules. For Valen­tine’s Day why not buy a loved one a tick­et? Noth­ing says “I love you” like a Metro North tick­et! Imag­ine the look on your moth­er-in-law’s face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Man­hat­tan!

–Metro North Train

Soror­i­ty girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell‑o.

–St. John’s Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Pe­ter G

Guy on Blue­tooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you did­n’t fuck­ing say any­thing back. What the fuck am I sup­posed to do with that?

–Jack­son Heights

Ex­cit­ed black guy to friend: Damn! I think I’m in love, she’s like the whole pack­age! She’s pret­ty, she’s fuck­able, and she can cook!

–A Train

Over­heard by: Tim

Lit­tle boy leav­ing the church: Bye, Je­sus! I love you!

–River­side Church

Over­heard by: Stephanie

What Self-Re­spect­ing New York­er Can’t Dis­tin­guish Be­tween a Pot­head and a Crack­head?

White trash girl, look­ing out of bus win­dow: Look at Ed*. He looks like a fuck­ing lum­ber­jack. He needs a shave.
White trash guy: That Ed* ‑he’s a fuck­ing crack­head.
White trash girl: I thought he smoked pot?
White trash guy: Crack, pot ‑what’s the dif­fer­ence?
Hip­ster guy sit­ting be­hind them: Ex­cuse me, I’m Ed*‘s best friend. He’s def­i­nite­ly a pot­head. He nev­er does crack. But he does look like a lum­ber­jack.

–Q54 Bus

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Come un­der Fire from the FCC

Girl on cell: I have that fresh­ly fucked feel­ing.

–The Gap, Ben­son­hurst

La­dy on cell: Do you re­mem­ber the guy who used to be in Grand Cen­tral all the time? The one with the doll… The doll he would fuck. He and the doll would do a fuck dance. He had it strapped to him at all times.

–Out­side NYU dorm, E 14th St

Over­heard by: col­lege grad­u­ate

White trash gas sta­tion at­ten­dant: Life got a lot eas­i­er once I de­cid­ed not to give a fuck.

–233rd St & Jerome Ave

Over­heard by: Patrick Di Jus­to

Suit to an­oth­er: What­ev­er, it’s New York. I’m ex­pect­ing to get told ‘F‑you’ like 17 times.

–La­Guardia air­port

Over­heard by: Ra­ja

Ghet­to girl lick­ing fin­gers and lips af­ter con­sum­ing hot dog: Mmm, gir­rrl… I fucked that hot dog up!

–Mer­cer and W. 4th

Dude: Ma… Ma, I on­ly used the F‑word once, Ma. I’m fuck­ing se­ri­ous here.

–44th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Tourist from Cana­dia

Lit­tle boy shout­ing to friend across the street: I just learned how to say ‘Fuck’!

–Irv­ing & Greene, Bush­wick

Over­heard by: Andy