Archive for the ‘Wiggers’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­er Ink

Girl to friend: She has a Shake­speare quote tat­tooed on her body, so she must be smart.

–Bleeck­er St

Over­heard by: Lyssa

Mid­dle aged dude to an­oth­er: That fuck­en bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t‑shirt in­stead of on my chest and back.

–Prince & Lafayette

Slight­ly ghet­to white girl on cell: What hap­pens when a bug bites you on your tat­too?

–D Train

Over­heard by: 4‑dumb

Tourist grand­moth­er to eight-year-old grand­daugh­ter: Do, do you like mom­my’s new neck tat­too? (pause) Yeah, me nei­ther.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Jas

Shhh! Gwen’s in Dis­guise

White thug: Awww shit, it’s rain­ing out? This shit is ridicu­lous!
Passer­by: This shit is ba­nanas!
White thug: Fuck you.

–34th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: the phan­tom lis­ten­er

No Change? Air­ports Are Mak­ing Great Strides in Lip-Gloss Con­fis­ca­tion!

White 20-some­thing #1: Have you heard about the Sep­tem­ber 11th con­tro­ver­sy?
White 20-some­thing #2: No…what?
White 20-some­thing #1: Well, Kanye and 50 Cent are both re­leas­ing their new al­bums on that date and if Kanye out­sells 50 then 50 says that he is go­ing to re­tire from rap­ping.
White 20-some­thing #2: Wow! That’s con­tro­ver­sial.
White 20-some­thing #1: Is it crazy that that’s the new Sep­tem­ber 11th con­tro­ver­sy? Things have re­al­ly changed since then…
White 20-some­thing #2 (pen­sive): Or *have* they?
Black guy to friend: Yo, man! Are you lis­ten­ing to this shit?

–L Train

Wednes­days Wish They Could Be More Like One-Lin­ers

White teenage boy to black teenage boy: She thinks I am a rapist or some­thing.
(black teenage boy gig­gles) Which I am cool with, you know what I mean?

–Bay Ridge Ave & 4th Ave

Brunette Gui­do girl: Ohmigosh, you would love this girl, she’s like, the on­ly cool blonde per­son. This one time she was just like “Dude, can we just do the peace-and-love thing? Cause, I don’t know how to fight.”

–LIRR

Over­heard by: whaaas­good

Fash­ion in­tern: I had swine flu last year, be­fore it was cool.

–Cafe­te­ria, Hearst Tow­er

Over­heard by: in­terns are our fu­ture

Bike rid­er on phone, walk­ing with girl­friend: I don’t have his num­ber, but you can call Tom* and go down there. Those guys are pret­ty cool. You can just go down there and give them a prostate mas­sage.

–River­side Park

Kids Say the Darn­d­est Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Sev­en-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, scream­ing: Peace out, smok­ers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my au­to­graph?

–Play­ground, Hous­ton St, So­ho

Lit­tle boy with bro­ken arm: I just won eight gold medals!

–Pier 46, Hud­son Riv­er Park

Over­heard by: skep­ti­cal james

Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt?

–Flush­ing Play­ground

Six-year-old girl wait­ing for par­ents to pay the check, chant­i­ng: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger!

–Chi­nese Restau­rant, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Kendra

Lit­tle boy walk­ing to­wards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we go­ing to get through all of this?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: i feel the same way

Four-year-old boy: I got­ta feel­in… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good good night!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Over­heard by: wooohoooo

Lit­tle girl, in Cro-Magnon sec­tion of mu­se­um: Mom­my, you must have known these peo­ple. They look like you!

–Amer­i­can Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

The Biggest Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat peo­ple on OkCu­pid?

–Bed­ford Ave & 8th

Girl­friend to boyfriend: Re­mem­ber the oth­er day when you told me I had a fat ass and I did­n’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me some­thing.

–Pizze­ria, 77th St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: Er­ic

Old­er woman wait­ing for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fat­ter sits down.

–JFK Air­port

Over­heard by: Hen­ry Pe­na

Posh-look­ing Asian chick: But he con­sumed over 6,000 calo­ries a day, so he de­served what­ev­er he had com­ing.

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle

White hip-hop­per on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I re­al­ized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Over­heard by: Ter­ry