Archive for the ‘Williamsburg’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Won’t Remember This Tomorrow

Loud, shit-faced Asian girl to strangers: You want some of this? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. [falls forward, taps stranger on forehead.] herro! Anybody home?! [laughs hysterically].

–Metro North

Drunk chick: Fuck technology, first it kills the bees, now it’s killing my ovaries!

–A Train

Drunk guy: Last night I shit on my balls!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunk girl to drunk boyfriend: Well, you fingered me in the cab!

–A Train

Drunk preppy businessman: Just tell her to put the oil in the noodles and rub it all over the chest…

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: voluptuousgrl

Drunk girl in the bathroom, picking up plastic bag from the garbage: Whose baby is this?!?!

–Madison Square Garden Bathroom

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

Next Time Try It on a Goth Kid

Crazy old lady to young clerk: Whatsa matter, you don’t like old ladies? If I was forty years younger, I would eat you up like an, like an apple. [to older clerk] C’mere gimme a kiss. C’mon gimme a kiss. What are you, scared? I’d have you laying out in my funeral parlour in a pine box. What do you think if we skinned the knish? They’ll wrap you in sheet and ship you back to Yemen. You want to ride the bull with me? You’ll decide you love America.

–Grand & Bushwick, Williamsburg