Archive for the ‘Williamsburg’ Category

Box­es and Box­es of Co­coa Puffs

Old woman: Have you seen Char­lie?
Guy: No..he said he was gonna check him­self in­to the hos­pi­tal, and prob­a­bly stay for a long time.
Old woman: Be­cause I have some food for him…Now Patrick, have you seen Char­lie? I have some food for him.
Old man: Char­lie done checked his­self in­to the psy­cho ward for two months.
Old woman: I guess I got­ta throw the food out then.

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Heiny Kleist

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Won’t Re­mem­ber This To­mor­row

Loud, shit-faced Asian girl to strangers: You want some of this? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. [falls for­ward, taps stranger on fore­head.] her­ro! Any­body home?! [laughs hys­ter­i­cal­ly].

–Metro North

Drunk chick: Fuck tech­nol­o­gy, first it kills the bees, now it’s killing my ovaries!

–A Train

Drunk guy: Last night I shit on my balls!

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

Drunk girl to drunk boyfriend: Well, you fin­gered me in the cab!

–A Train

Drunk prep­py busi­ness­man: Just tell her to put the oil in the noo­dles and rub it all over the chest…

–33rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: volup­tuous­grl

Drunk girl in the bath­room, pick­ing up plas­tic bag from the garbage: Whose ba­by is this?!?!

–Madi­son Square Gar­den Bath­room

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Re­mem­ber elim­i­DATE Fond­ly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not any­one that I would be will­ing to in­vest years in… I mean I don’t want to have to spend my time ac­tu­al­ly work­ing on it. I fig­ured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to some­one a cou­ple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the sum­mer. No, she has no idea…

–Colum­bus & 62nd St

Grad stu­dent: They have this sym­bi­ot­ic re­la­tion­ship in which he does all the eat­ing and she does all the drink­ing.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Woman to her­self: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fuck­ing joke!

–Spring & Hud­son

Over­heard by: Os­car Gam­ble

Fire­fight­er to oth­ers: It’s not that I have any­thing against com­mit­ment; I just like di­ver­si­ty.

–125th St Fair­way

Over­heard by: Just Shop­pint

Man in shorts to an­oth­er: I would­n’t date a girl with dou­ble vi­sion, pe­ri­od.

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Dr No-Eyes

Busi­ness­woman to hobo: If you get back in the dat­ing scene, I’ll kill you.

–Hous­ton & Lafayette

Over­heard by: Home­less guy must be hung