Archive for the ‘Women’ Category

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

Man eating brunch to male friend: We both came out seven years ago. We are puppy gay in dog years.

–Big Daddy’s Diner

Overheard by: Morgan

Very loving mom talking to daughter about her son: Hey! He is not an animal, he is not a dog. Well, at least not today!

–Hell’s Kitchen

Outraged woman to man: What? No! Do not put the dog in the furnace, Ted!

–Court Street

Chick with cigarette, on cell: … Leathery fetish dog-masks, or just Halloween style dog-masks?

–Outside Tagine, 40th & 9th

Overheard by: Ladle

Philosophical suit: The only reason I haven’t divorced my wife is because of the dog.

–Upper East Side

Non-Recyclable Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.

–LIRR

New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.

–40th & 6th

Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That's called "Eurotrash."

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Andy

Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.

–Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn

Overheard by: g

Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jess

Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)

–W 19th

Wednesday One-Liners Feel a Lot Better Now

Guy to friends: A girl farted on my head once, and I dated her for three years.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: MC

Woman to friend: And then he farted in my mouth.

–Ding Dong Lounge

Overheard by: Rosalind

Hobo, farting loudly, turning at girl walking behind him: That's for you, you fucking bitch!

–Yellow Line Subway Station

Overheard by: Craigalanche

Latina on cell, firmly: I'm not bi-curious, I'm just fart-curious

–49th & 5th

Overheard by: olga

Crazy hobo: Once, I was eating Cracker Jacks, you know, the one with the prize in it? When I finished the box, I farted in it, then sealed it up again. When I opened it a week later, I got the surprise of my life!

–1 Train

Overheard by: nella

We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away

Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?

–Office Building, 32nd & 7th

Overheard by: erkala

Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!

–Toys R' Us, Times Square

Overheard by: Lotte

Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.

–Canal Street

Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts!

–Ave B

Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight.

–West 4th Street

Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: sal b