Archive for the ‘Women’ Category

… Ma’am

La­dy: Con­trary to what you may think about your mom, she did a good job teach­ing you man­ners.
Man: Fuck you.

–33rd & Park

Over­heard by: Erik

With This Ring, I Thee Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to mar­ry me and you hes­i­tat­ed. You hes­i­tat­ed!

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Act­ing pro­fes­sor: Act as if you’re fas­ci­nat­ed by what they’re say­ing, while think­ing about some­thing else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get mar­ried.

–NYU

Over­heard by: Lisa

Man, ad­vis­ing an­oth­er flirt­ing with hot woman: You got­ta go for it–unless she’s mar­ried!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to an­oth­er: Yeah, well… I’ll let you mar­ry my daugh­ter!

–10th St & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So ba­si­cal­ly, I took her to a gay bar on our wed­ding night.

–Cen­tral Park

Chick to guy: Are we *se­ri­ous­ly* ar­gu­ing about whether or not aunt Jemi­ma would sup­port gay mar­riage?

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Their Mouths Washed Out with Soap

Glee­ful lit­tle boy: We will, we will fuck you! We will, we will fuck you! [Bursts in­to gig­gles.]

–1 train

Over­heard by: caitlinj

Guy: I mean, I was­n’t ex­pect­ing be­ing fucked, ei­ther!

–55th & 8th

Over­heard by: Mari­ah

Guy on cell: You know what? Cleo fucked you, so fuck it — we’re fucked.

–For­est Hills

Tough guy with five-year-old: Hey, bud­dy! Don’t fuck­ing push me! I’ve got my fuckin’ kid here!

–1 train

Over­heard by: wba

His­pan­ic la­dy with stroller, on cell: Moth­a­fuckin’ [Span­ish]… Fuckin’ ass­hole [Span­ish]… Son of a [Span­ish]… Fuckin’ moth­a­fuckin’ [Span­ish]… Bun­ny rab­bit [Span­ish]… Fuck.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Mike N (does­n’t speak Span­ish)