Blonde: Oh my god! Look, they have a calendar counting down until Bush’s inauguration.
Brunette: What’s “inauguration”?
Blonde: The day he leaves office.
–Barnes & Noble
Archive for the ‘Words’ Category
Misspoken Wednesday One-liners
German: Why those birds suddenly appear? Every time! In the mirror!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Wife: Ooh, look, honey, they’ve got that Le Courvoisier chair!
–MoMa
You Also Thought That About Abraham Lincoln
Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they’re called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.“
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Overheard by: I know what they’re called
And That Turd Looks a Lot More Like St. Ignatius
Little boy: I see Jesus, I see Jesus!!
Mother, pulling on little boys arm: Stop using that word, Billy!
–Ladies Room, Brooklyn Restaurant
I Knew We Shouldn’t Have Moved to Chelsea
Little girl: Where are we going now?
Mother: Chinatown.
Little girl: Vagina town?
Mother, chuckling: No — China-town.
Little girl, coyly: Well, I live in peeenis-town.
Mother: Okay, Lila.
–Union Square
Overheard by: S.S.
At Least Wednesday One-Liners Are Pretty
Girl to friend: I wonder what’s the difference between hard tacos and soft tacos.
–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court
Overheard by: NTA
Guy talking to his friend: I don’t believe there is a first time for everything, but I do think there is a first time for anything.
–2nd St & Ave B
Overheard by: Max Berlinger
Girl on cell in hallway: She told me to get bacterial soap.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Krisztina ‚who uses anti-bacterial
Subway comedian: My wife is so stupid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awkward silence follows. Comedian proceeds to dance around a subway pole pretending to be a stripper.]
–1 Train
Overheard by: Subway rider
Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop doing this “living paycheck to paycheck” thing because every time you get a check it’s like an emotional highway.
–Columbia University Campus
Overheard by: Alina
College girl, after closing a Nutella jar: I solved it! I solved the puzzle!
–Broome St
Overheard by: YJL
Then How Come My Hair Is Sticking Up Like This??
Guy: Oh come on!
Girl: Don’t “oh come on” me!
Guy: I’m usually good with that.
–44th St & Broadway
Why the Economy’s in the Shitter: Explained.
Wall Street suit #1: Dude, in this economy it’s our duty to be good advisors to our clients.
Wall Street suit #2, chuckling: Dude, you just said “doodie.”
–Nassau & Liberty
Overheard by: Megz
This Always Happens When You Listen to Maya Angelou
Older man hugging younger man: Wassup, my nigga?
Younger man: Dad, cut it out. We’re white.
–Leonard & Lafayette St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Well, First Of All, That’s Your Credit Card…
White girl to subway clerk: I just swiped my card and it is saying “insignificant fare”.
Subway clerk, smiling: It is saying that?
White girl: Is “insignificant” even a word?
–Clark Street
