Professor: Does anyone know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Student: It's because the Jews put blood on their doors so Jesus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: dundun
Archive for the ‘Words’ Category
Feeling My Bitch Up!
Girl, stung by bee: Ahhh! That motherfucker pinched me!
Boy: I’m gonna kill that nigga bee!
–125th & Broadway
You Also Thought That About Abraham Lincoln
Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they're called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.”
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Overheard by: I know what they're called
Stupid Leprosy
Little girl: Mommy, what are you doing?
Mother: Rubbing my eyes — they itch. What are you doing?
Little girl: I’m buttoning my finger.
–University Pl & 11th St
Overheard by: Pat Nich
Science without Science
Yuppie: I was just teaching the scientific method to my students.
Nerd: Oh, so you teach them induction and deduction?
Yuppie: [long pause] The students aren’t that smart so I don’t teach them big words like those.
— Party, Manhattan
Where Jeopardy! Winners Come From
Mom pushing stroller: … And how do you spell ‘Loch Ness’?
Four-year-old boy: L, um… L-O, um… um… L-O-C-H-N-E-S-S
–17th St & Irving Pl
You Always Were Ahead Of the Curve, Suzanne.
Girl: I'm not going home straight.
Boy: I think you mean “I'm not going straight home.”
Girl: No. I mean “I'm not going home straight.”
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
…And Now I'm Erect.
Hipster #1: I'm not a hipster. I'm a bisexual Jew with a penchant for interning at alternative magazines and weeklies.
Hipster #2: You've got the words “bisexual, Jew, penchant, interning,” and “alternative” in a single sentence. Dude, that is the definition of hipster.
–Think Coffee
Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude
Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter
Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!
–26th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: your mom
Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.
–D Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!
–Broadway
Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.
–5th Ave
Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!
–Junior High School
Overheard by: gabygrillz
Negative Twenty ‘Hood Points Just for Knowing the Word ‘Cosine’
Ghetto wannabe #1: Yo’ rhymes are so lame it’s like you took the cosine.
Ghetto wannabe #2: You so poor you go fishin’ for dimes.
–Woodhaven, Queens
Overheard by: drendar
Headline by: Against Marj
Runners-Up:
· “Bill and Hillary Prepare for Next Year’s Video Music Awards” – DoubleJ
· “Cosine? Like from Nigganometry?” – Big Larry
· “E = MC Hammer Squared” – Christina
· “M.C. Tangent and D.J. Non-Sequitur.” – SandmanEsq
· “My rhymes are so hype I can divide by zero, Burnin’ down the ghetto like my name is Nero” – mk
· “Whitey got no algorithm” – Charlie
· “Why Pythagorus never got sined.” – Julie Baber
· “Yo’ so dumb you only know pi to 3.14159” – arielle