Dude leaving bathroom: Man, I really want some popcorn.
Man at bar stool: What, baby? You want some poppers?
Dude leaving bathroom, to friend: The sad thing is that’s not the first time that happened to me today.
–The Duplex
Archive for the ‘Words’ Category
When Doctors Form Gangs
Little blond boy pointing to graffiti on bus seat: What does that say?
Mom: I don’t know… It was written by someone with really bad handwriting.
–72nd Crosstown bus
See What You've Started, Beyonce?
Guy #1, yelling: Fuck yeah! Put that one in the satchel!
Guy #2: That had “skankalicious” written all over it.
–35th & 7th
Overheard by: GJL
Headline by: Porter
Runners-Up:
· “Britney’s Got a New Clothing Line?” – Ray
· “In Accordance With the New Truth in Graffiti Regulations” – bq
· “It’s the New “Gucci”” – JohnnyB
· “Someone Tell Fergie to Stop Making Up Song Titles” – Botticus
· “The New Mariah Carey Doll Created Unexpected Collectors” – EddieA
Wednesday One-Liners Are One Baaaad Mother– Shut Yo' Mouth!
Cute JAP talking about all the stuff she gets: I don't need a man, I have my mom.
–Rare View Bar
Overheard by: white guy
Blonde girl to male friend: Listen, John. Fifteen minutes, your mom. Fifteen minutes, your mom.
–R Train
Annoying 40-something new mom: A good mom always has a diaper in her pocket!
–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Coworker: I got a bootleg mother.
–Midtown
Window-shopping tourist to wife: Look, honey! It's the dress your mother wore when they buried her!
–Union Square
Overheard by: CJ
Guy: I go over to the house for Mother's Day and she yells at me for not calling her for Mother's Day like my brother did. So I go outside and call her from my cell and say "happy Mother's Day!" and she yells at me for being an idiot.
–37th & 7th
Wednesday One-Liners Are Masters of Their Own Verbal Domain
Guy: They’re squatters and ravers. They squat and rave…They squave.
–Belle and Sebastian show, Battery Park
Overheard by: Lacey
Suit: You know how some people wing it? Well I wanged it. I totally wanged it.
–52nd & 7th
Overheard by: Jatmos
Asian guy: It seems like everyone is giving headjobs these days.
–Flinders St
Overheard by: duygu
Female nurse: I’m telling you, he is totally intercontinental. I have to change him 4 times a day.
–Hudson & Spring
Overheard by: AJ Stone
Wordsmith, on the phone: Ma’am, her train is being delayed because of constipation.
–Office, 1250 Broadway
Teen on cell: He’s not very smart…Yeah, I just need someone to conversate with.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Chelsea
College guy: The word “secretion” just fucks me up.
–NYU
10-Year-Old boy: I ain’t speakin’ no language.
–B48 bus, Franklin & DeKalb
Overheard by: Kyri
Tourist: Sexual attention is the only language I really understand.
–Around the Clock Diner, Stuyvesant & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: gweny
Woman: The lesbians don’t like the Jews…I mean the Lebanese.
–Party, 16th & 1st
Girl: Stop staring at all the buildings, you look like a terrorist!…I mean tourist. Same thing.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: ceci
Girl: Oh, my shoes totally fell asleep…Fell asleep? Fell apart!
–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn
Oh, a Bonobo?
Girl: If you were an animal, what would you be?
Boy: Fabulous?
–Balducci’s
Overheard by: That’s not an animal
When Amy Doesn’t Understand Something, She Faints
Columbia professor [having just explained a relatively simple concept, turning to girl in front]: Do you understand this?
Girl: Yes.
Professor: Good. Because, you know, you’re really the canary in the coal mine for this class. If I can get you to get this, I’m set.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Bobby
Wednesday One-Liners Strike Hard and Fade Away Without a Trace
Undergrad: Ninjas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them because actually they’re creeping up on you. And the person you’re creeping up on is actually a mendicant.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: pumpkin
Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Staten Island. It’s like the ninja island.
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: Green Star
Young lady suit on cell: Want to know what I learned today? Okay, you know how I really hate those rolling briefcases because they fucking ninja you while you’re walking? Well, today I learned that it’s really hard to be angry about a rolling briefcase when it’s being pulled by a genuine midget. It’s like watching a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: she wasn’t too tall herself…
Geeky girl: They should really make a video game about a ninja doing the dishes. That shit would be dope.
–Flatiron District
Shish Kanish Is That Falafel Place Over on Third
10-year-old white boy: Mom, you know what I'm wondering?
Mom: No, what?
10-year-old: What does “shish kanish” mean?
Mom, staring at him: What the hell are you talking about?
10-year-old: In that song by Shakira it says she makes a man wanna “shish kanish.”
Mom, shaking head: “Speak Spanish,” Cory. She made a man wanna speak Spanish. Shit, you ain't never gonna be a singer.
–Tenement Museum
Overheard by: Excuse me while I kiss this guy
We Should Wager a Large Sum of Money on It
Male clerk, singing: … And one of these days these foots are gonna walk all over you.
Ghetto female clerk: Foots? It’s feets.
–19th & Broadway