Archive for the ‘Words’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Refer to 110th Street As ‘Downtown’

Exchange student: I was just telling him how to use a Post-it.

–Columbia

20-ish male: Actually, global warming is only going to benefit New York City.

–Columbia

Overheard by: martina m.

Chick: I am not eating somewhere with a misplaced apostrophe in its menu.

–Columbia

Overheard by: Ladle

Young Columbia student: Yeah, so all of a sudden I was walking home drunk, in a diaper, with a huge scar.

–1 train

Columbia grad student: … And if you ask him he’ll say, ‘I’m making money for the school! I’m making money for the school! I do drugs! I do drugs!’

–1 train

Student to another: As for the article, I don’t care about the truth of my argument. I care about people knowing how big my penis is.

–Columbia

Conductor: This is 116th Street, Columbia University. Good luck paying your tuition.

–116th St

Overheard by: Sam

Can You Use Wednesday One-Liners in a Sentence?

20-ish woman: Why do they call it waiting on line instead of waiting in line? Is that like a New York thing? Is that like calling it smoking up instead of smoking out?

–58th & Park

Overheard by: marisa

Guy: Well, I think absent-minded means more like… Uh… Like…

–Broadway & Waverly

Future lawyer chick: Wait… So that’s the rebuttal? Rebuttal? Is that a word? Or is the word ‘counterargument’? Or am I just making up words?

–LSAT class, Cooper Square

Four-year-old girl to little boy who spoke in Spanish: I don’t speak your English!

–Claremont Park, Bronx

Overheard by: ClaRity

JAP to boyfriend: I don’t want anything that I can’t, like, pronounce right now.

–St Mark’s falafel district

What? Sex?

Eight-year old boy, barely audibly: Do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Do I have sex? (pause) Well…
Eight-year old boy, slightly more audibly: Naw, do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Kids? Yes. I've got one 24 and one 19. I know they're not really kids, but they still seem like it to me.
Eight-year-old boy: Naw, naw! (loudly) I said “do you have any kid's shoes?”

–Shoe Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eremi

That's What She Gets for Devouring That Goat That Was Tethered to the Ground

Girl #2: You’re so right! She does kind of look like a Tyrannosaur!
Girl #1: Oh my god, you’re so mean.
Girl #2: What? You said it first.
Girl #1: I said: “She kind of looks like a tennis player.”
Girl #2: Um, oh. Oops.

–1 Train

Overheard by: ouch.

Headline by: James

Runners-Up:
· “Either Way, She Makes Quite a Racket” – DotTim
· “I Always Get Lesbians and Giant Man-Eating Lizards Confused.” – L.J.
· “If It’s Martina Navratilova, They’re Both Right.” – Brady
· “It’s the Way She Devoured the Competition” – Markle9
· “Serenasaur or Venusaur?” – Matt
· “With the Racket and the Tiny Arms, It Could Really Go Either Way.” – Rosie

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Are Here to Fix the Cable

Guy: So, I saw this video online of a chick who tied her beef curtains in a knot…

–Astor Pl

Chick: Maybe I should scrap my dissertation and just write erotica?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Chick: My favorite porn line, and possibly my favorite movie line ever, is, ‘Suck it, my queen. Suck it.’

–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Intern to another: They do too make gay pornography!

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Nicolas Agrait

Cube neighbor on phone with friend: So, the first thing she needs to do is throw it out — get rid of all the porn. I mean, she has closets and closets full of it!

–Midtown

20-something woman on cell: I may be too analytical for erotica.

–Outside Century 21

Overheard by: McFreaky