College intern hitting friend with magic wand: Naked Bitch with big titties.
Little kid: Is that a real magic wand?!
–FAO Schwartz
Archive for the ‘Yeaaahhh College!’ Category
Rumsfeld: At Gunpoint, if Need Be
Professor: Most democracies usually don’t go to war with other democracies.
Student: Then all countries should become democracies, right?
–Political Philosophy class, Baruch College
Overheard by: Beerinder
He Was Merely Trying to Help Them Through the Fence
College girl: So you’re a real farmer! What do you have? Cows, pigs, sheep…?
Long-haired guy in overalls: No, no — had to get rid of the sheep. They were all liars.
–D train
Overheard by: Murray
The Spiro Agnew Excuse
College girl #1: I really want to live alone, but they won’t let me move out of the dorm.
College girl #2: Tell them you have leprosy.
–F train
Hunter Has More of a Red Connotation
Crazy lady: Excuse me! Girls, can you adopt a dog or a cat? You know that many animals need homes.
Chick #1: Oh, we’d love to, but we can’t have pets.
Chick #2: Yeah, our dorms don’t allow animals
Crazy lady: Oh, you’re in college?
Chick #1: Yeah.
Crazy lady: At the law school?
Chick #3: No, Hunter.
Crazy lady: I thought that Hunter was for the Blacks.
–23rd & Lexington
Overheard by: Kaitlyn
She Said It Was Gagalicious
College kid #1: So basically I didn’t jerk off for a week so I could bust a huge load in her mouth. Have you ever done that?
College kid #2: Yeah, but never purposefully.
–Houston & Ave of Americas
He Was Happy on the Insides (Now Outside)
Guy: You know what’s really gross? Seeing the rats that get run over by the subway cars. They’re all split open and stuff.
Girl: This one time I saw a rat get washed up on the shore. He was missing all his skin.
Guy: Did he look happy?
Girl: No.
–Columbia University
Ditto
Guy #1: Okay…Wow…This one time in Madison I was so drunk…I was trying to get this sorority girl to come home with me and she said she would if I got rid of her ex-boyfriend (he was hanging out with us.) That’s all I remember from that night! I woke up the next morning, in bed, soaking wet, with a pulled groin muscle and scrapes all over my knees and elbows!
Guy #2: What the fuck?
Guy #1: Yeah! I had to ask around to find out what happened. Apparently, I sorta, uh, fell in the lake in Madison – I pulled my groin muscle there – then I pulled myself out and crawled home on hands and knees since I couldn’t walk.
Guy #2: What…the fuck…?
–B1 bus
Overheard by: Justin Fores
Also, Our Eyes aren’t Open as Wide
College chick #1: Have you ever noticed it always gets dark really early during this time of year?
College chick #2: Yeah, I noticed it, too. But I was thinking that since it’s generally cloudier in autumn and winter that it really isn’t dark out earlier, it’s just really cloudy.
College chick #1: Wow, that makes so much sense!
–Riverdale
Rocky: Puke on the One in the Middle
Dude: Do you mean the guy you threw up on?
Chick: Yeah, but not the frat boy, the other one.
–Silver building, NYU
