Archive for the ‘Yeaaahhh College!’ Category

Ditto

Guy #1: Okay…Wow…This one time in Madison I was so drunk…I was trying to get this sorority girl to come home with me and she said she would if I got rid of her ex-boyfriend (he was hanging out with us.) That’s all I remember from that night! I woke up the next morning, in bed, soaking wet, with a pulled groin muscle and scrapes all over my knees and elbows!
Guy #2: What the fuck?
Guy #1: Yeah! I had to ask around to find out what happened. Apparently, I sorta, uh, fell in the lake in Madison–I pulled my groin muscle there–then I pulled myself out and crawled home on hands and knees since I couldn’t walk.
Guy #2: What…the fuck…?

–B1 bus

Overheard by: Justin Fores

Also, Our Eyes aren’t Open as Wide

College chick #1: Have you ever noticed it always gets dark really early during this time of year?
College chick #2: Yeah, I noticed it, too. But I was thinking that since it’s generally cloudier in autumn and winter that it really isn’t dark out earlier, it’s just really cloudy.
College chick #1: Wow, that makes so much sense!

–Riverdale

I Think He’s a Latent Wednesday One-liner

Suit: I’m always really careful when I eat so I don’t have to take it up the ass when I go to the dry cleaner.

–Organic Grill, 1st Avenue

Man: I’m telling you, what you should do is take a picture of yourself naked now and then in about two, three months, take another one and compare. Maybe keep doing that, you know? Keep a photo album documenting it. I think you should.

–F train

Overheard by: Jenni Unicorn

Man on cell: Okay, I gotta go ’cause I’m fucking sweating my dick off.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kevin Kilroy

College guy: Have you ever jacked off with your feet?

–TKTS, Duffy Square

Guy on cell: I have a blood clot in my asshole!

–15th & 3rd

Woman: He’s a good friend, but the sex is pretty awful. He a good kisser, but he has trouble further than that. I’m just not his type. I don’t have a penis.

–West 4th Street station

Overheard by: Rachel Adler

Puerto Rican guy: Second-best feeling in the world. First is sex. I
guarantee it.

–Barnes & Noble men’s room, Union Square