Wannabe Jew: Shprehen ze Deutche?
Religious Jew: Huh?
Wannabe Jew: Isn’t that how you say “do you speak Yiddish?” in Yiddish?
Religious Jew: No.
(wannabe Jew looks around and walks away)
–Brooklyn Public Library
Archive for the ‘Yiddish’ Category
Hooked on Wednesday One-Liners Worked for Me!
Tween girl: No, it’s “Yiddish”! “Yiddish,” not “ribbit.”
–Penn Station
Overheard by: ragnvaeig
20-something girl to older friend: No, no… “ghetto” is just slang–it’s not a real word.
–PATH Train
Guy on cell: Yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo, yo.
–Pacific St & Atlantic Ave
Overheard by: jayloo
Guy to another, who has obviously caused him some emotional strife: I just don’t understand why you had to did me so dirty.
–Hudson River Park
Teenage boy: But I ain’t know where was them talkin’ about it! (teenage friend nods sympathetically)
–Downtown 6 Train
Girl to guy: It must be your manstinct. (pause) Not ya manstink!
–Central Park
‘…A Nation Where They Will Not be Judged by the Color of Their Skin, But by the Blood Alcohol Content of Their Character’
Drunk girl, to owner of pizza place: Hasta mañana!
Drunk guy: That’s not Italian!
Drunk girl: He’s not Italian, he’s Greek! He speaks Yiddish and Greek!
–30th & 3rd
Parve Wednesday One-liners
Bouncer: You see, the schlemiel is the guy who spills his soup in a restaurant. The schlimazel is the guy who has the soup spilled on him.
–1st & A
Guy: Well, what color was this Jew?
–Fort Greene
Woman on cell: …That’s just so not my thing. I am not that kind of Jew, Larry, okay?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Nicole
Lady lawyer: This is a disaster. They should never put non-Jews in charge of the catering.
–Office, Rockefeller Plaza
Chick: Come to think of it, all of my Jewish friends went to summer camp. Isn’t that kind of ironic though; Jews at camp?
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Amanda
Teen boy: I want to be Jewish when I grow up.
–A train
Overheard by: drewseph
Guy on cell: You deserve a gold Jewish Star of David!…Did you swallow?…Yeah, that’s true, one step at a time.
–Astoria
Overheard by: SEM
