Archive for the ‘Yoga’ Category

Laina and Nathan (A NYC Short Sto­ry)

Man: Why’d you read all my email?
Woman: I on­ly did it once.
Man: Yeah, right. You men­tioned whether I wrote to Bar­ry about that girl from Cana­da out of the blue, where’d that come from?
Woman: Why would I lie?
Man: It’s against the law. You vi­o­lat­ed me. I’d nev­er do that to you.
Woman: You’d do it.
Man: No.
Woman: You don’t get it.
Man: I do.
Woman: Here, read my email.
Man: No.
Woman: Read mine!
Man: Laina, no!
Woman: “I liked the way you touched me af­ter yo­ga class–”
Man: Laina, it was a joke!
Woman: It’s not fun­ny.
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You fucked her! And what about Match.com girl? You gave her your home email.
Man: Please. When was this?
Woman: Jan­u­ary. What is that? You want to screw oth­er peo­ple? Why is that?
Man: Laina…it was a joke.
Woman: Oh, and what about this? “I love the way your long hair shakes down on­to my chest. I will have to re­pay you soon.”
Man: I did­n’t pay her a dime.
Woman: Two weeks lat­er you went with me and my fam­i­ly to the Vine­yard.
Man: You have every right to be up­set. It was once, hon­ey!
Woman: You told me you loved me!
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You don’t joke like this with some­one you used to fuck and still likes you.
Man: I did­n’t fuck her.
Woman: She still likes you.
Man: Laina.
Woman: You’re sick, Nathan! You hear me?! You’re just sick!

–Cafe Pick Me Up, Av­enue A

Over­heard by: Gideon Wal­lace

It’s Wednes­day One-Linas, Boo

Thug to girl­friend: Lis­ten, ba­by, I’m not re­al­ly ly­ing, ful­ly!

–Ave B & 10th St

Thug: Yo, I wan­na go to yo­ga, son!

–St. Marks Place

Thug: Some­times I look around and won­der if in my next life I might be a bird.

–1st & 3rd

Over­heard by: An­gela

Short thug on cell: I’m gonna get you some slip­pers, ma­mi, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet!

–7th Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: La­dle

Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you got­ta wake up and smell them Ara­bi­ca beans!

–CVS

Over­heard by: fresh­ly brewed.

Thug, yelling to fe­male com­pan­ion: When you gon’ let me show you some dick? When you gon’ let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitch­es! At least we’ll have some­thing in com­mon!

–7th Ave & 21st St, Brook­lyn

Thug, ex­cit­ed­ly dis­cussing fa­vorite cold stone fla­vor: Yo, no ho­mo man! Peanut sen­sa­tion!

–Down­town D Train

Over­heard by: Raven

Wednes­day Om-Lin­ers

Earth chick on cell: I had med­i­ta­tion and yo­ga class to­day. So, if you’re com­ing over tonight we have to have spir­i­tu­al sex.

–Barnes & No­ble

Guy on cell: You’re nev­er go­ing to be­lieve this, but I need to tell you any­ways. I just did some witch­craft.

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Smok­ing Stu­dent

Yo­ga teacher: Not be­ing able to do some­thing can teach you a lot about your­self. Like how you’re a fuck­ing los­er.

–Mid­town

Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pook­ie out be­cause he’s a Pisces and I’m a Vir­go, and that way our per­son­al­i­ties will match.

–C Train

Over­heard by: evan

White dude to an­oth­er: I’d like to see what his chi looks like.

–Chi­na­town

Over­heard by: Aileen

It Dis­lodged Sev­er­al Ceil­ing Tiles

Skin­ny NYU girl #1: Oh my god, I could­n’t be­lieve it hap­pened. It’s one of those things you have night­mares about.
Skin­ny NYU girl #2: I know. Don’t peo­ple know they should­n’t eat for at least two hours be­fore?
Skin­ny NYU girl #1: Duh, to­tal­ly. Who farts in the mid­dle of yo­ga class?
Skin­ny NYU girl #2: She’ll have to go to ther­a­py for months.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Michelle Eisen­berg

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: So Life­like!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would to­tal­ly do it!

–Queens

Mid­dle-aged Lati­no: I’ve got bar­bie dolls!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

News­pa­per ven­dor: Cause I have that mul­ti­ple sneez­ing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bob­ble-head doll!

–96th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: Galatea

Girl leav­ing nail sa­lon: It looks like Mal­ibu Bar­bie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Bill

De­spon­dent lit­tle girl in cof­fee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much be­cause you said we’re not sup­posed to play in the med­i­ta­tion room.

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn

You Get a Lit­tle Some­thing Ex­tra with a Wednes­day One-Lin­er Ed­u­ca­tion

Fe­male stu­dent on cell: We don’t know any­thing un­til we know some­thing.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Bald­ing mid­dle aged man guid­ing mid­dle aged woman down stairs: Step, step, step, step. Flat, flat, flat, flat. Step…

–Co­lum­bia

Yo­ga in­struc­tor to skin­ny col­lege girl: Turn your head to the left. Turn your head to the left. The left. The left. The left. Your oth­er left. I know you go to Co­lum­bia.

–Bikram Yo­ga, Harlem

Over­caf­fi­nat­ed Co­lum­bia fresh­man girl to an­oth­er: What do you mean your so­ci­ol­o­gy text­book ate King Lear?

–Car­man Hall, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: that would make it dif­fi­cult to fin­ish ei­ther read­ing

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Wan­na See You Sweat!

Guy in court­yard, do­ing pelvic thrusts: Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and…

–NYU Dorm

Girl to friends: Yeah, af­ter he stopped do­ing yo­ga it all went down­hill…

–East Vil­lage

Guy on cell, scream­ing: I’m a ma­chine! I’m un­stop­pable! Who goes out till four in the morn­ing and then de­stroys a triathlon the next day? I’m a ma­chine!

–91st St & York Ave

50-some­thing yo­ga in­struc­tor: Bring at­ten­tion to your re­pro­duc­tive or­gans, squeeze them as hard as you can, and re­lease. Let them go, let them hang loose.

–Yo­ga Stu­dio

Over­heard by: Puff

Con­duc­tor: I was watch­ing the win­ter Olympics speed skat­ing and I got to think­ing about the sum­mer Olympics. A New York­er should win the 100 me­ter dash. All they have to do is put an open train door at the end of the track and start the race with “boop boop.” You know that New York­er is go­ing to win the gold. Ya’ll have a good day now.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Com­muter #1,792,824