Archive for the ‘Yoga’ Category

Frankly, I On­ly Talk to You Be­cause You Pay Me

Woman in ther­a­py: So I don’t know, I re­al­ly liked her.
Ther­a­pist: Well, did you talk to her about it?
Woman: No, the bitch does­n’t call me any­more, she does yo­ga now. We used to go to Star Trek con­ven­tions to­geth­er, but she stopped talk­ing to me. I don’t even care about that bitch any­more.
Ther­a­pist: You know, she’s not a bitch just be­cause she does­n’t want to talk to you!
Woman: Yes she is, I don’t even care.

–For­est Hills

Over­heard by: They need a sound ma­chine

I Don’t Even Like Think­ing About Life Ce­re­al

Pudgy short guy #1: What’s go­ing on? Yo­ga! That’s like stretch­ing and stuff, right?
Pudgy short guy #2: No, man. It’s like con­tor­tion and med­i­ta­tion and stuff! You think about your life.
Pudgy short guy #1: Oh, no way! I don’t like think­ing about my life. Like, liv­ing it is cool, but I don’t want to think about it.

–Park, Long Is­land City

Over­heard by: Court­snort

Chris­t­ian Siri­ano: “Wednes­day Is a Hot One-Lin­er Mess”

Dis­co-glam drag queen: It was! It was ba­by oil, and I knew it!

–Rubu­lad, Bed-Stuy

Over­heard by: Katie

Black drag queen in ki­mono: I’m a corn pone South­ern fag­got, we do not do yo­ga.

–Tribeca

Over­heard by: Ryan K

Hys­ter­i­cal Lati­na trans­ves­tite: My life is in my ass, mi­jo!

–2 Train

Over­heard by: Jean

Drag queen hook­er to old­er la­dy star­ing at her: You so wish you could wear a one­sie like me.

–MTA

The De­fense In­voked by Pe­dophiles

Fu­ture soc­cer mom #1: Oh, our two-year-old’s day care is very New York.
Fu­ture soc­cer mom #2: How so?
Fu­ture soc­cer mom #1: They have a yo­ga in­struc­tor in the af­ter­noons and a French teacher comes at least once a week.
Fu­ture soc­cer mom #2: Well, that kind of ex­po­sure is im­por­tant at that age.

–Green­wich Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Izzy

Nev­er Met a Bup­pie Be­fore?

Girl or­der­ing pat­ties: I’d like a beef and a veg­gie pat­ty.
Guy work­ing at pat­ty shop: Be­fore I get those, I want to say you are beau­ti­ful. I bet you’ve heard that five times to­day.
Girl: Oh, thanks, I’ve just been work­ing out for an hour. Well, I’ve been do­ing yo­ga.
Guy: Yo­ga? But you’re black!
Girl: Black peo­ple do yo­ga, too!

–Ja­maican Pride, Flat­bush

Over­heard by: Chris R.

Wednes­day One-lin­ers, Fun Ac­tiv­i­ties for Kids

Yup­pie mom: Do you think my ba­by is old enough to do yo­ga?

–Union & Hen­ry, Red Hook

Preg­nant woman on cell: Mom, I got­ta go. I can’t find Ja­son and I need to take him home be­fore he plays Hide and Go Soil Your­self be­hind the stuffer ma­chine.

–Build-A-Bear, 5th & 46th

Over­heard by: An­na Lind­gren

Wednes­day One-lin­ers by Ath­letes, for Ath­letes

Dude: Shit man, slow down. Slow down. Whatcha run­nin’ to?Yoga? Nig­ga’s run­nin’ to yo­ga. White man run­nin’ to yo­ga. Thought yo­ga was sup­posed to cure that shit.

–Union Square