Archive for the ‘Yuppies’ Category

I Run the Hobo Gaunt­let Every Day

Yup­pie girl: I need to get an ex­fo­liant. You know that weird rough patch on my face?
Yup­pie guy: Yeah.
Yup­pie girl: I had it for a few weeks and just re­al­ized it was dead skin cells.
Yup­pie guy: Ew.
Yup­pie girl: Yeah, I just thought it was dried spit.

–Whole Foods check-out line, Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: bathed and ex­fo­li­at­ed dai­ly

And I Know a Lot about Ug­ly

Yup­pie woman #1: So, why don’t you buy their prod­ucts? Is it be­cause of the whole child la­bor thing?
Yup­pie woman #2: No, I don’t give a shit about that — I’m a Re­pub­li­can. I just think their prod­ucts are ug­ly.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Gra­ham Davis

Many of Us Are Even at Jim’s Lev­el

Yup­pie mom #1: Can you be­lieve that there are peo­ple liv­ing in this city who make un­der two hun­dred thou­sand dol­lars?
Yup­pie mom #2: Re­al­ly?
Yup­pie mom #1: Yes, I’d nev­er do that. I would­n’t want to live like a Huck­le­ber­ry Finn.

The con­ver­sa­tion then got too low for me to hear af­ter they saw I was eaves­drop­ping and giv­ing them the evil eye.

–River­side Park

News­Flash: New Jer­sey Builds Im­mi­gra­tion Wall

Yup­pie on cell cut­ting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cook­ies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yup­pie, in­to cell: I hate the fuck­ing East Side. Every­one thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t fig­ure out this fuck­ing line — all I want to do is buy some fuck­ing cook­ies… New Jer­sey is my des­tiny.

–Bak­ery, 70th & Lex

It’s Like Jer­sey Got Rich and Took a Bath

Suit: It’s up in Con­necti­cut, right over the riv­er in Nor­walk, I think.
La­dy suit: Oh, I don’t that Con­necti­cut, I on­ly know Dan­bury.
Suit: Is­n’t that in Con­necti­cut?
La­dy suit: I told you, I don’t know Con­necti­cut.

–Maid­en Lane & South Street

Yup­pie guy: I don’t know, man. I’m still on Con­necti­cut time.

–W. 56th be­tween 5th & 6th

Sounds Like It Worked Per­fect­ly

Yup­pie guy #1: Well, they’re in that “Ba­by-Co­ma mood” for, like, the first, three or four months. You can ba­si­cal­ly plop ’em down any­where, and they just stay there. It’s cool.
Yup­pie guy #2: But what if it starts wailin’?
Yup­pie guy #1: Oh, then you give it to the wife. You just say, kin­da sweet-like, “Some­one wants his Mom-my.”
Yup­pie guy #2: That works?
Yup­pie guy #1: That’s what my broth­er-in-law said…But then again, he is di­vorced now.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ro­ry J. Thomp­son