Archive for the ‘Yuppies’ Category

Wednesday-One-Liners Prep for Their Roles in Mean Girls II

Woman on cell: I feel bad about ripping the kid off, but…

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Zoe

Suit: Well, apparently I’m part psychic and part asshole.

–Union Square

Overheard by: quite the combo

Blue collar guy: I stopped giving to panhandlers 10 years ago. This guy hit me up every day at my stop and one day I gave him a sandwich and some cigarettes. I watched him and he threw the sandwich away. I went over to him and worked him over pretty bad. I dumped the trash can and took out the sandwich and then took the cigarettes away from him. Then I knocked him down again and took all the money out of his pockets. I was really mad when he threw that sandwich away. Now I never give anything to those guys.
Suit: Yep…

–1 train, Houston St

Overheard by: Amused Minnesotan

Woman on cell: You see, this is why you just can’t be nice to people. I was nice to her once, once! And now she thinks we’re friends. Like I need this!

–Bus stop near Radio City Music Hall

Yuppie on cell: I don’t give a fuck about them. As long as I’m on their will, I don’t really give a shit.

–34th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Gunita

Girl: So my grandma died last week and it sucked so bad, I had to drive all the way to Hartford on Saturday and I totally missed the huge sale at H&M.

–Statue of Liberty

Overheard by: SuziQ

Thanks for Giving Me an Escape Route

Guy yuppie: So, one of the interesting things about that movie is, remember I read that book by Neil Strauss all about how he picked up women? Well, a lot of the things the main character in that movie did are the things that Strauss advocates.
Girl yuppie: Okay, give me an example.
Guy yuppie: Well, you know how in one of their first meetings he proposed to her? That’s one of the things he suggests.
Girl yuppie: Is that why on our second date you proposed to me?
Guy yuppie: Uh, you know I only read that book after we started dating… So I did that on my own…
Girl yuppie: And doesn’t he just show you how to get a girl to have sex with you, not to have a relationship, and you weren’t looking just for sex, but a relationship, so what he wrote wouldn’t have applied to you, right?
Guy yuppie: Yeah, exactly.

–Outside a showing of The Science of Sleep, BAM

I Like It Better When They Talk About Starbucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Daniel

Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills.

–31st & 2nd

Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee.

–outside The Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Josh Neufeld

Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped.

–Vertigo, 26th & 3rd

Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella.

–Delancey & Allen

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Why the V-Chip Doesn’t Help

Yuppie mom: Look, honey, that girl holds her daddy’s hand when they cross the street.
Little girl: What a slut!
Yuppie mom: What?! Where did you learn that phrase?!
Little girl: Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!

–8th & 2nd

Overheard by: What a Skank