Archive for the ‘Yuppies’ Category

Wednes­day-One-Lin­ers Prep for Their Roles in Mean Girls II

Woman on cell: I feel bad about rip­ping the kid off, but…

–Fort Greene Park

Over­heard by: Zoe

Suit: Well, ap­par­ent­ly I’m part psy­chic and part ass­hole.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: quite the com­bo

Blue col­lar guy: I stopped giv­ing to pan­han­dlers 10 years ago. This guy hit me up every day at my stop and one day I gave him a sand­wich and some cig­a­rettes. I watched him and he threw the sand­wich away. I went over to him and worked him over pret­ty bad. I dumped the trash can and took out the sand­wich and then took the cig­a­rettes away from him. Then I knocked him down again and took all the mon­ey out of his pock­ets. I was re­al­ly mad when he threw that sand­wich away. Now I nev­er give any­thing to those guys.
Suit: Yep…

–1 train, Hous­ton St

Over­heard by: Amused Min­nesotan

Woman on cell: You see, this is why you just can’t be nice to peo­ple. I was nice to her once, once! And now she thinks we’re friends. Like I need this!

–Bus stop near Ra­dio City Mu­sic Hall

Yup­pie on cell: I don’t give a fuck about them. As long as I’m on their will, I don’t re­al­ly give a shit.

–34th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Gu­ni­ta

Girl: So my grand­ma died last week and it sucked so bad, I had to dri­ve all the way to Hart­ford on Sat­ur­day and I to­tal­ly missed the huge sale at H&M.

–Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty

Over­heard by: Suz­iQ

Thanks for Giv­ing Me an Es­cape Route

Guy yup­pie: So, one of the in­ter­est­ing things about that movie is, re­mem­ber I read that book by Neil Strauss all about how he picked up women? Well, a lot of the things the main char­ac­ter in that movie did are the things that Strauss ad­vo­cates.
Girl yup­pie: Okay, give me an ex­am­ple.
Guy yup­pie: Well, you know how in one of their first meet­ings he pro­posed to her? That’s one of the things he sug­gests.
Girl yup­pie: Is that why on our sec­ond date you pro­posed to me?
Guy yup­pie: Uh, you know I on­ly read that book af­ter we start­ed dat­ing… So I did that on my own…
Girl yup­pie: And does­n’t he just show you how to get a girl to have sex with you, not to have a re­la­tion­ship, and you weren’t look­ing just for sex, but a re­la­tion­ship, so what he wrote would­n’t have ap­plied to you, right?
Guy yup­pie: Yeah, ex­act­ly.

–Out­side a show­ing of The Sci­ence of Sleep, BAM

I Like It Bet­ter When They Talk About Star­bucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a con­dom.


Over­heard by: Daniel

Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys af­ter I take blue pills.

–31st & 2nd

Girl #1: Some­times he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee.

–out­side The Brook­lyn Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Josh Neufeld

Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I was­n’t re­al­ly raped.

–Ver­ti­go, 26th & 3rd

Yup­pie chick #1: Sweet­ie, you’re go­ing to get raped dressed like that.
Yup­pie chick #2: No. I have an um­brel­la.

–De­lancey & Allen

Over­heard by: Mitchell Linet­ti

That’s Why I On­ly Date Home­less Nymphos Who Don’t Eat

Mer­rill Lynch yup­pie: I paid my girl­friend’s rent! And her food! And I on­ly get to have sex with her once a month! And it’s been like this for my past two re­la­tion­ships! I think I can han­dle hav­ing sex five times a month…
Girl: That’s too much!
Mer­rill Lynch yup­pie: I make $1.5 mil­lion a year in Mer­rill Lynch!

–Tre Restau­rant

Over­heard by: D

Why the V‑Chip Does­n’t Help

Yup­pie mom: Look, hon­ey, that girl holds her dad­dy’s hand when they cross the street.
Lit­tle girl: What a slut!
Yup­pie mom: What?! Where did you learn that phrase?!
Lit­tle girl: Dad­dy, Dad­dy, Dad­dy!

–8th & 2nd

Over­heard by: What a Skank