Archive for February, 2005

When “Go Fuck Your­self” Is Just Not Enough

Bible Thwack­er: Have you con­sid­ered turn­ing back to Je­sus?
Woman: Have you con­sid­ered lick­ing my cli­toris?

–Times Square

A psy­chic was hand­ing out fly­ers, and was re­buffed by one woman with: Hey, if you were psy­chic, you’d know I don’t be­lieve in that shit.

–Ben­son­hurst

Over­heard by: Deb­o­rah Olin

How to Win Any De­bate, NYC Style

Two strangers, a nerdy out-of-town busi­ness­man & a na­tive NYC busi­ness­woman, step on­to the 6 train mid-ar­gu­ment. Pro­fan­i­ties are fly­ing out of the NY­er’s mouth rapid­ly and with great force. The nerdy out-of-town busi­ness­man throws his harsh­est punch back: Why don’t you go wash your mouth out with soap?!
NYC busi­ness­woman: Oh…why don’t you go fuck your­self?

–6 train

Over­heard by: amy

Meet the Fuck­tard

Guy: I saw that movie Hide and Seek. It sucked.
Girl: I don’t know that one. Who’s in it?
Guy: Ummm…that guy from Meet the Fock­ers.
Girl: …Ben Stiller?
Guy: Who?
Girl: Are you talk­ing about Ben Stiller?
Guy: No, no, the old guy.
Girl: Robert DeNiro?!
Guy: Yeah, him.
Girl: You call Robert DeNiro “that guy from Meet the Fock­ers”?!

–1 train

Over­heard by: Bri­an J. Heck

The Squig­gles Sem­i­nar is De­cep­tive­ly Dif­fi­cult

Hoop ear­rings girl: So I found out yes­ter­day the name of my class is Ad­vanced Cal­cu­lus. I knew it was ad­vanced but I did­n’t know it was cal­cu­lus. I wish I’d known when I reg­is­tered. It’s nice and in­ter­est­ing. There are a lot of squig­gles that look re­al­ly nice. But I’m go­ing to trans­fer to the reg­u­lar class, be­cause it’s not a re­quire­ment for my de­gree, and why get a C or D, when I can get an A?

–F train

Don’t Hate the Wildlife, Hate the Game

Man on cell: I did­n’t know it was your ba­by cry­ing! I thought you were watch­ing some an­i­mal show. I would­n’t have made the com­ment about the hye­na if I knew it was your baby!…Well, yeah, I prob­a­bly would have…hey, what­ev­er hap­pened to you and ug­ly-ass Omar?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Krista Gun­der­sen

“…if you’re a tan­bot, that’s an­oth­er sto­ry.”

Bronz­ing Blonde: So this guy was like “I can’t tan in that bed, I’ll burn,” so I said, “Um, your last name is Gar­cia, you should­n’t burn that eas­i­ly.”
Bronz­ing Brunette: Se­ri­ous­ly? I mean just be­cause your last name is Gar­cia does­n’t mean it’s okay to be stu­pid.

–Tan­ning sa­lon, 7th Av­enue be­tween 38th & 39th