Archive for March, 2005

Out of the Mouths of Babes: Howard Dean is a Commie!

Little girl #1: My dad wants to write books but doesn’t.
Little girl #2: Why not?
Little girl #1: Well, he’s busy.
Little girl #2: Why doesn’t he just quit his job and start writing a book?
Little girl #1: I dunno…maybe because we won’t have any money?
Little girl #3: Ooh, then you could move to Vermont! 

–F train

The Short Bus to the Candy Shop

HS girl: Do you listen to 50 Cent? Oh, my god, he is so good!
HS guy: Do you know what they say when you are listening to 50 Cent?
HS girl: What do they say?
HS guy: What are you listening to when you have two quarters next to your ear?
HS girl: Ha, ha…I don’t get it. 

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Ting

Mouthfuls of Wednesday One-liners

Scottish chick on cell: He’s sort of like the John Tesh of tonsils, isn’t he?

–60th & 1st

Overheard by: zunshyn 

Guy: I think I know enough about compound plastic to perform basic dentistry. 

−−1÷9 train

Overheard by: Kathryn Galloway 

Tech kid: I can, like, smell which microphone you’re using.

–NYU Education building, Washington Square east

Gross! Wednesday One-liners

Old man: I don’t even like taking the subway anymore because the tiling is so disgusting.

–28th Street station

Overheard by: Nico Westerdale 

Guy: Every time I see him, I want to wash myself.

–South Street seaport

Queer on cell: Whores! You are W‑H-O-R‑E dash I‑B-L‑E. That’s what you are. You’re whore-ible.

–50th between 8th & 9th

Missing Pieces of Wednesday One-liners

Bald spot chick: I’m bipolar, depressed, and I have a personality disorder, but the doctor says if I quit pulling out my hair he’ll change me from twenty-four medicines to nineteen.

–Broadway & 51st

Woman: I don’t care how blind you are, you gotta cover your ears when that happens. 

–23rd & 7th

Woman: There aren’t enough websites for club-thumbs on the internet.

–Midtown office

Lunchtime! Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita. 

–Broadway & Astor Place

Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Jon Graboff 

Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here.

–Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street

Overheard by: james uphoff 

Wednesday One-liners: The Animals

Receptionist: It takes two shots to bring down a bengal tiger! Two!

–20th Street office

Overheard by: Animal 

Chick on cell: Oh, so honey, they aren’t actually tents for dogs; they’re just tiny display tents for the large ones.

–North Face, 73rd & Broadway

Woman: She feeds chickens to other chickens. It’s gross. It’s like, if there was a husband and wife, she would chop up the husband and feed him to the wife.

−−1÷9 train