Archive for June, 2005

Not One As Widespread as Idiocy

Girl #1: They named their kid Lotus?
Girl #2: That’s kind of cool.
Girl #1: How?
Girl #2: Well, it’s got good connotations, you know? I mean, you’d never meet a bitch named Lotus.
Girl #1: Yeah, but…weren’t they, like, a plague?

–John Fluevog, Mulberry Street

Overheard by: Courtney

I Think I’m Going to Be Sick

Girl #1: She looks so good now, though!
Girl #2: Yeah, well, if she would keep a meal down once in a while she might not…

–9th Avenue & Little West 12th Street

Overheard by: Wyatt Neumann

Girl #1: They were all wondering why I wasn’t eating, and they kept asking me to eat something, so I just finally had a sandwich to shut them up. So when I went back to the hotel, I threw up.
Girl #2: I totally understand, I would have done the same thing.

–NYSC locker room, 23rd & Park

Wednesday One-liners Love Their Sports

Guy: I was never any good at sports…I’ve watched the Superbowl a few times.

–Flatiron office

Lady on phone: Yeah, they have seat fillers at the Oscars and other award shows, you didn’t know that? It’s so when they pan over the audience it doesn’t look like a Mets game.

–40th Street office

Overheard by: Clay Caviness

Guy: I’m not going to be the only guy at the hockey party holding an apple turnover.

–Broadway & Prince

Overheard by: Christopher Miner

Wednesday One-liners Ain’t Talking Without a Lawyer

Guy: Just because I got a felony doesn’t mean I’m going to jail.

–outside Kew Gardens Criminal Courthouse

Overheard by: Scott Bee

Man walking down the street with a wooden square around his neck says: I’m an innocent man! I’ve been framed, I’m tellin’ ya!

–Carmine & Bleecker

Black guy: Yo, do y’all got $6? Whoa, whoa, listen, I’m Black but I’m no criminal!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Erica Gridelli

Wednesday One-liners Have Questions About NY

Tourist guy: We’re staying down on Two Avenue. Now do they say Two Avenue or Second Avenue here?

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Chess

Tourist woman: We’re in Manhattan, right?

–Times Square

Tourist girl: Can’t we like, just call a cab? You know, like, “Hi, we need a cab, pick us up here?”

–42nd between Broadway & 6th

Overheard by: Heather Hunter

Tourist guy: Do they just breed dogs smaller here, or what?

–Broadway & Astor

Overheard by: jillypickle

Wednesday One-liners Are Ready to Order

Waitress: Sorry sir, your order did not come out as you expected. The cooks don’t speak English so they didn’t understand what you wanted.

–ESPNZone, Times Square

Overheard by: Rachel W

Spanish girl: When I got my tongue pierced it wasn’t swollen at all. They was tellin’ me to eat soup and shit. Fuck that! I was eatin’ rice and beans like five times a day! I am not gonna starve myself for no piercing. Fuck that! Gimme a T-bone.

–M train

A hobo walks up to the people outside and says: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has no atmosphere.

–Indochine, Lafayette Street

Drunk guy: So I eat the Baklava, then I go into the bathroom to take care of my business. When I come out I say, “What’s the problem?”.

–47th & 9th

Overheard by: JH

Woman: Can you please make sure it’s a boy lobster? I’m only into boys, and don’t want to eat a girl.

–Austin ale house, Kew Gardens

Overheard by: tom

Pudgy guy on cell: I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don’t pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Alita

Wednesday One-liners are Open for Business

Girl on cell: Do you think any galleries will be open on Sunday?

–21st & Broadway

Woman: He didn’t come here to be Korean; he moved here to be a hipster. Then he realized he could open a store, and he turned Korean.

–2nd Avenue & 6th Street

Private School girl: So is, like, everything in this place by Chanel?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Man: What do you mean, you ran out of keys? How does a hotel run out of keys?

–The Hotel on Rivington

Overheard by: Joe Quint

Queer: Well I figured I make $7 an hour at Journey’s working full time. So if I cut back to part time and get a second job making $7 an hour, I’ll be making $14 an hour and I can pay all my bills!

–Nederlander Theater, West 41st Street

Overheard by: Nomi Malone