Man: Oh, man! Where have you been all my life?…Can I borrow your lighter?
Woman: Oh, thank goodness. I was like, “I’m flattered, but gay.”
–57th & 5th
Overheard by: (The) Heather Red
Archive for July, 2005
Hmm…That is What an Evil Twin Would Say
Girl #1: My throat hurts. Does yours?
Girl #2: Um…no. Are we twins? Is it supposed to hurt?
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: roc luch
Too Bad No One Reads It
Man: Oh, it is so good to hear English again.
Customs guy: Actually, I speak Brooklyn.
–JFK
Overheard by: Benjamin Silverberg
She Should Have Dropped “Y’know What I’m Sayin’?”
Asian girl #1: Who’s that guy that’s not Steve Harvey?
Asian girl #2: Cedric the Entertainer.
Asian girl #1: Yeah, he might have been in The Cookout.
Asian girl #2: Oh my God, that’s so racist. “Who’s that guy that’s not Steve Harvey?”
Asian girl #1: Well, you knew who I was talking about!
–McDonald’s, 85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Aisha Moore
How Sleeping with a Girl Can Still Be Gay
Guy: It was hot, I can’t even tell you.
Girl: So you guys slept together?
Guy: Oh yeah, it was hot.
Girl: ’cause I talked to her this morning and she said you guys just cuddled and stuff.
Guy: Yeah, yeah, that’s what I meant by sleeping with her. Y’know, spooning and shit.
–MetroTech Commons
You’re Giving Yourself Too Much Credit
Girl #1: Oh my god there’s too many people in this elevator! There’s only supposed to be 10 people!
Girl #2: It’s OK, I’m skinny. In my own reality I’m actually only half a person.
–Hotel Gansevoort, 9th Avenue
Overheard by: Priscilla Perez
Yet It’s OK for Him to Kill His Son…
Crazy lady: I hate my fucking mother and I want to kill her. I want to watch her bleed. She is a fat lazy bitch. She was nothing but a container!
Guy: God will not forgive you if you kill your mother. Can you also keep it down please?
–PATH train
Overheard by: JMK
The Paramedics Were Too Late to Plug Her In, Plug Her In
Girl #1: …so apparently she died from lysol poisoning–
Girl #2: Wow.
Girl #1: –yeah, she suffocated from one of those boxes that sprays air freshener. No oxygen could get in the room.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: J-Mo
How About Being Permanently Labelled as Such?
B&T Girl #1: He is so “not Westchester.”
B&T Girl #2: I know!
B&T Girl #3: I don’t get it. I’ve been here a year and I don’t get that. And what is or who is “the bridge and tunnel crowd”? Is it a good thing that those guys called us “bridge and tunnel crowd” when we walked in?
B&T Girl #1: Eww.
B&T Girl #2: Gross.
B&T Girl #1: Ew, oh there is so no way anyone called me bridge and tunnel.
B&T Girl #3: So that’s bad?
B&T Girl #2: What could be worse?
–Metro-North
Japanese Food Tastes of Pleasure
Chinese girl: I hate it when non-Chinese people make my Chinese food.
Puerto Rican guy: Yeah, when Chinese people make it, it tastes like greed.
Chinese girl: What did you say?
Puerto Rican guy: Relax. Italian food tastes like lazy complacency.
–49th & Broadway