Archive for August, 2005

De­pends on How Much Axle Grease You Put on It

Con­duc­tor: Good news for rid­ers go­ing lo­cal. This train is not go­ing ex­press, as pre­vi­ous­ly an­nounced, but go­ing lo­cal, like nor­mal. If there’s such a thing as normal…Questions? Com­ments? Sug­ges­tions? See your con­duc­tor, lo­cat­ed in the cen­ter of the train. Don’t just walk around con­fused. Ask me! I know! Usually…Just a re­minder to turn those frowns up­side-down. Smil­ing burns more calo­ries!
Guy: Giv­ing the fin­ger to the con­duc­tor burns calo­ries, too.

–R train

Over­heard by: Dawn

The Bo­som Bud­dies Movie Looks Re­al­ly Dumb

Yup­pie guy #1: I’ll have a straw­ber­ry mar­gari­ta. As fruity as pos­si­ble. I just cov­er it up with a wife and kids.
Yup­pie guy #2: Hey, I’m mar­ried, and I’m still not com­fort­able with my sex­u­al­i­ty.
Yup­pie guy #1: Re­al­ly?

–79th Street Boat Basin

Over­heard by: An­drea Na­tal­ie Gold­stein

Man, That Hobo Sure Gets Around

Hip­ster chick #1: …So I was giv­ing this guy a hand­job and he was­n’t circumcised…it was so bizarre look­ing.
Hip­ster chick #2: I know, is­n’t it so weird? I’m all like, “What am I sup­posed to do with that thing at the top? Touch it, play with it, leave it alone?”

–5th & A

Girl #1: I just saw a bum pee­ing on 88th Street.
Girl #2: Was it big?
Girl #1: I did­n’t no­tice. He was a bum. Even if he had John Holmes’ cock, I would­n’t touch it with a ten foot pole.
Girl #2: Was it big?
Girl #1: Not re­al­ly.

–6 train

Over­heard by: Matt Mon­ti­ni