Woman on cell: Little did I know you can’t keep charging if you never pay the bill.
–Union Square West
Overheard by: Maggie and David
Archive for August, 2005
The Wednesday One-liners Bizarre Guide to NY
Dad: See there? When people tell you to go jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, that’s where you have to go.
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Jackie Randazzo
Wednesday One-liners Still Haven’t Gone to Bed
Queer: It was my dealer’s fault. If he had coke I would’ve done coke. He only had crystal, so we did crystal.
–Therapy, W. 52nd Street
Bon Appetit, Wednesday One-liners
Chinese boy: What street is this? Onion Street?
–N train, Union Street station
Rick James’ Wednesday One-liners
Queer: That bitch thinks he’s some Andy Warhol superstar! Fuck him bloody!
–Ludlow & Houston
Wednesday One-liners Dress You Up
Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m wearing ahhh…a football jersey and Speedos.
–Houston & Allen
Overheard by: M!J
Depends on How Much Axle Grease You Put on It
Conductor: Good news for riders going local. This train is not going express, as previously announced, but going local, like normal. If there’s such a thing as normal…Questions? Comments? Suggestions? See your conductor, located in the center of the train. Don’t just walk around confused. Ask me! I know! Usually…Just a reminder to turn those frowns upside-down. Smiling burns more calories!
Guy: Giving the finger to the conductor burns calories, too.
–R train
Overheard by: Dawn
The Bosom Buddies Movie Looks Really Dumb
Yuppie guy #1: I’ll have a strawberry margarita. As fruity as possible. I just cover it up with a wife and kids.
Yuppie guy #2: Hey, I’m married, and I’m still not comfortable with my sexuality.
Yuppie guy #1: Really?
–79th Street Boat Basin
Overheard by: Andrea Natalie Goldstein
Which Class Do I Take to Learn About Blaming Jews?
Shopgirl #1: So school starts again soon?
Shopgirl #2: Yeah. School starts soon. But it’s not anything interesting, like math. It’s like, all history and sociology and ethnics. Ethics.
–American Apparel, E. Houston Street
Overheard by: isti
Man, That Hobo Sure Gets Around
Hipster chick #1: …So I was giving this guy a handjob and he wasn’t circumcised…it was so bizarre looking.
Hipster chick #2: I know, isn’t it so weird? I’m all like, “What am I supposed to do with that thing at the top? Touch it, play with it, leave it alone?”
–5th & A
Girl #1: I just saw a bum peeing on 88th Street.
Girl #2: Was it big?
Girl #1: I didn’t notice. He was a bum. Even if he had John Holmes’ cock, I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole.
Girl #2: Was it big?
Girl #1: Not really.
–6 train
Overheard by: Matt Montini