It’s Not Gay if You Blow for Blow Money

Guy #1: You don’t have one gay relative?
Guy #2: Well, maybe my junkie cousin.

–7^th Street & 2^nd Avenue

When You’re in Her, You’re Family

Girl: What about that one ugly girl?
Guy: Man, she is so ugly. I would not touch that shit.
Girl: But you already fucked her!
Guy: Yeah, but it was only once. And I used a rubber.

Guy: You’re an ugly cheating cocksucking whore; you’re a fucking ugly slut. But you know why I stay with you? We have compatible personalities.

Guy: I hate that bitch. I want to fuck her in the ass.
Girl: But baby, you like to fuck me in the ass.
Guy: Yeah baby, but you like it when I fuck you in the ass.
Girl: Yeah, it doesn’t hurt so bad when you remember to breathe.

Girl: So when we get married are you gonna stop fucking my sister?
Guy: But I’ve been fucking her for a while now…It’s like a habit.

–Olive Garden, Times Square

Overheard by: helen r.

Oaf’s Got His Hawaiian Shirt Ready to Go

Girl: So I’m gonna be doing this punch thing
Guy: Oh…yeah, I heard about that. Yeah, like, that punch was making a comeback.
Girl: Oh yeah, like, punch is really trendy.

–F train

Just Don’t Spell It “Heil”

Law chick #1: I assume you passed the corporate accounting exam?
Law guy: Yeah, somehow. I couldn’t get the balance sheet to add up so I just added $130,000 in cash to assets to make it balance. It was a total Hail Mary but it worked…Wait, can you do a Hail Mary at a Jewish law school?
Law chick #2: Sure you can. There’s less interference.

–Cardozo School of Law, 12^th & 5^th