Archive for 2005

When You’re in Her, You’re Fam­i­ly

Girl: What about that one ug­ly girl?
Guy: Man, she is so ug­ly. I would not touch that shit.
Girl: But you al­ready fucked her!
Guy: Yeah, but it was on­ly once. And I used a rub­ber.

Guy: You’re an ug­ly cheat­ing cock­suck­ing whore; you’re a fuck­ing ug­ly slut. But you know why I stay with you? We have com­pat­i­ble per­son­al­i­ties.

Guy: I hate that bitch. I want to fuck her in the ass.
Girl: But ba­by, you like to fuck me in the ass.
Guy: Yeah ba­by, but you like it when I fuck you in the ass.
Girl: Yeah, it does­n’t hurt so bad when you re­mem­ber to breathe.

Girl: So when we get mar­ried are you gonna stop fuck­ing my sis­ter?
Guy: But I’ve been fuck­ing her for a while now…It’s like a habit.

–Olive Gar­den, Times Square

Over­heard by: he­len r.

Just Don’t Spell It “Heil”

Law chick #1: I as­sume you passed the cor­po­rate ac­count­ing ex­am?
Law guy: Yeah, some­how. I could­n’t get the bal­ance sheet to add up so I just added $130,000 in cash to as­sets to make it bal­ance. It was a to­tal Hail Mary but it worked…Wait, can you do a Hail Mary at a Jew­ish law school?
Law chick #2: Sure you can. There’s less in­ter­fer­ence.

–Car­do­zo School of Law, 12th & 5th