Archive for 2005

Wednesday One-liners, Ladies

Tall woman on cell: …there’s something I haven’t told you too: I’ve been sleeping with hundreds of women all this time!

–4th Ave. & 10th St.

Guy: Dude, who needs a date when you’ve got a vagina?

–8th & University

Overheard by: Chitin 

Chick on cell: He said I’m high maintenance. I am not high maintenance…I’m crazy, but I’m not high maintenance.

–Uncle Ming’s, Avenue B

Overheard by: djlindee 

Classy Wednesday One-liners

Dowager: I’ll take a Swiss cock, please. That looks good.

–Bakery, 58th & 7th

Man on cell: That stuff was too expensive. Why don’t I just buy one of those cheap necklaces on the street and you can put in a blue boz and say it was from Tiffany’s. 

–57th & 5th

Overheard by: Angie 

Preppy: Hey Dave, put another beer in this cooze!

–Blind Tiger Ale House, Hudson Street

Spare Some Change, Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: I’m homeless! I’m battling child abuse! The Jews and the Irish are spreading lies about me!

–14th Street between 5th & Union Square

Overheard by: a Jewish-Irish girl 

Hobo: Nice chickie, hot, another one, good, love them, there’s a good one. No, wait: that’s a guy. 

–29th & Madison

Bald hobo: If I was tall they’d braid my hair! But no, I’m short, so they won’t braid my hair!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Jeremy 

Hobo: I’m technologically impaired. Spare a cell phone? An iPod?

–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Rose Yndigoyen

Wednesday One-liners are for the Dogs

Guy: Golden retrievers are beautiful animals. If I were a golden retriever, I would be so vain! 

–Shade, Sullivan Street

Guy on cell: Oh, you want a doggy treat? When I get home I’ll give you a big fat bone.

–34th & 8th

Woman: Peter! Dog poop is not a toy! 

–CPW & 65th Street

Overheard by: Johnathan 

Attention DEA: Wednesday One-liners

Queer on cell: Michael Alig…yeah, I don’t remember those years so well. 

–1st & A

Hood on cell: Yo man, that bitch stole two ounces of coke from my house!…She’s your friend, you go get it back! 

–outside The Martini Red Lounge, Staten Island

Overheard by: Becka Dash 

Guy on pay phone: …and Santa’s reindeer won’t be coming home!

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Traczie Bellinger