Archive for 2005

Trying to Fit In, post-Village People

Construction guy #1: Then we gotta fuckin’ knock down that bitch of a fuckin’ wall…in this fuckin’ humidity, can you fuckin’ believe they’re makin’ us do that shit?
Construction guy #2: I know. That fuckin’ shit is fuckin bullshit. We should fuckin’ kill the fuckin’ captain and shit, makin’ us take down a fuckin’ wall that we fuckin’ put up in the–
Construction guy #1: Ooh! Italian ices!

–57th & 10th

Overheard by: Peter Shankman 

This is What Happens When You Ban Queer Scouts

Man with briefcase: Is the boss in?
Store guy: No. He’s in back. What do you want? Why?
Man with briefcase: Because I can help you. You need me. Does anyone owe you money?
Store guy: What?
Man with briefcase: Do you have any non-paying accounts? Has anyone been skipping payments?
Store guy: Why?
Man with briefcase: Because I run a collection service. Here’s my card. Does anyone owe you money? Do you need to collect money from anyone?
Store guy: Why?

–Import/export store, 29th & 6th

Honey, Those Are So Clearly Friction Burns

Woman: My butt is burning! This seat is so hot! I can’t believe it! Not that I think you’re interested, but I just want you to know my butt is burning.
Man: Actually, I kind of am interested.
Woman: That’s the one downside of having such nice seats: they’re in the sun all day! Seriously, my butt is on fire!

–US Open

My Shit Only Has Dental Coverage

Guy #1: So she fine?
Guy #2: Yeah, man, and get this, dog: she’s got full benefits!
Guy #1: Yo man, you better marry that shit!

–Elevator, 42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Manny M 

Girl #1: So $120 of antibiotics later, my cat should be just fine.
Girl #2: Doesn’t your cat have health insurance?
Girl #1: Yes, but it doesn’t cover prescription drugs.
Girl #2: Do they offer that type of coverage?
Girl #1: If anyone’s getting an optional rider prescription drug plan in my apartment, it’s going to be me.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Melissa Mink

She was the One in the Wheelchair, Idiot

Dude #1: …This girl was so fucking hot. I went up to her and asked her if she wanted to dance. She said, “I don’t dance” and I said, “I don’t either.” But she was like, “Sorry, I really don’t dance. I’m not, like, rejecting you or anything.” So I went back towards the stage and kept dancing.
Dude #2: Okay.
Dude #1: Then, after the next song, I went up to her and asked her to dance again and she said no, but she kinda smiled at me like she thought it was cute.
Dude #2: So?
Dude #1: So, after the show, I hung around to try to talk to her.
Dude #2: What happened?
Dude #1: I don’t know. I got too drunk and forgot what she looked like.
Dude #2: You’re a fucking moron.

–6 train