Archive for 2005

Only 1 Month Until Illegal Christmas!

Street guy: Belts, watches, designer Bags! I got it all, step right up and buy, buy, buy! Everything just $10!
WASP woman: Careful, he probably stole most of it. Let’s not buy anything that’s been stolen.
WASP man: Sir, you know stealing is illegal?
Street guy: Hey, fuck you, man. Get the fuck out, I didn’t want your fuckin’ business anyways, faggot…stolen fucking goods for sale, stolen watches, stolen bads, stolen belts…! 

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: John Doe Patriot 

Mary and Jesus Don’t Have Advice for You

Teen boy #1: So I gotta go home, change, and then meet her and go to church.
Teen boy #2: Who the hell goes to church on a Friday night? How often do you go to church?
Teen boy #1: Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays…sometimes Sundays.
Teen boy #2: Damn dude, when are you gonna have time to lose your virginity, dude?
Teen boy #1: That’s what I’m working on, man! 

–F train

Overheard by: Geisa 

Bridge v. Tunnel

Woman: Do your gay thing and get us up ahead of this line full of teenage girls!
Queer: All right! “Girl…I need to get me a t‑shirt! Move this Long Island trash outta my way!”
Teen girl: Please! Whateva Jersey!
Woman: Oh my god! She knew you were from Jersey!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: J.Mo

I’m Thankful That I’m Free

AM New York guy: AM New York!
Metro guy: Metro New York!
Guy #3: Free donuts!
AM New York guy: AM New York, Metro New York, free donuts, all at Penn Station, New York!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jenny Lichtenwalner 

Daily News guy: Hey baby, free Daily News. Hey baby, take my paper and you’ll be satisfied…Yo baby, you take that paper and you keep looking that fine. Shake what God gave ya baby, and read my paper!

–Jamaica

I’ll Bring the XXX Jug

Girl: So, I was thinking we could have a hick themed Thanksgiving.
Guy: What does that even mean?
Girl: You know, we could drink bad beer, and eat gross deep-fried food, and, like, rent hick movies and stuff.
Guy: “Hick movies”?
Girl: You know, like that Nicolas Cage movie where he lives in a trailer park, or that Hilary Swank movie where she’s, like, a lesbian and stuff. Those are pretty hick.
Guy: That movie is about rape, and discrimination.
Girl: It’ll be really fun.

–A train

I’m Thankful I’m a New Yorker

Lady #1: Can you please choose a direction and stick to it? You almost made me tumble down the stairs!
Lady #2: What? I know you are not talking to me!
Lady #1: Yes, I am talking to you, you keep changing your direction left, right, back, and forth! You walk right in front of me as I am walking down the stairs and almost tripped me down the stairs!
Lady #2: Well, if you were not right up my ass, you would not have had a problem!
Lady #1: How can I avoid being up your ass? Have you seen how much room your ass takes up?–
Man: Ha!
Lady #1: –It’s like a wide load truck swerving across the highway with no warning to fellow drivers! It’s huge!
Lady #2: Nasty ass bitch!
Lady #1: I am sure you would know.

–103rd Street 1 station

Counter guy: Who is next on line for a sandwich?…Anybody?…Does anybody want a sandwich?…Okay, who wants a salad?…Anybody waiting on line for a salad?.…Anybody want anything?…You, what would you like?
JAP: Excuse me, I was next!

–EEE’s, East 34th Street

Overheard by: SK

Queer: No, thanks.
Flyers woman: You’re a faggot.
Queer: Fuck you, you fucking piece of trash skank bitch. Why don’t you wipe off your clown makeup, get some acutane, and find a real job? Fucking bitch.

–110th & Broadway

Girl #1: Where’s Broadway?
Girl #2: Well, Broadway runs like the entire city from North to South.
Girl #1: But where’s the part that has the famous stuff, like Cats?
Girl #2: Oh, I have no idea.

–Fulton & Nassau

Overheard by: Velzzy 

I’m Thankful for My Health

Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.

–Washington Square Park

Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!

–2 train

Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.

–18th & 5th

Overheard by: basselope

Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad… 

–Stop and Shop, Astoria

Overheard by: Dan