Archive for 2005

They Like to Sum­mer in Vail

Chick #1: You know if I was go­ing to be home­less, I would­n’t choose New York. I’d go some­place warm.
Chick #2: Yeah, I’d go to Flori­da.
Chick #1: Or New Or­leans. Well, not now, but it would have been good.
Chick #2: At least Myr­tle Beach.
Chick #1: Yeah. If I were home­less I would­n’t stay here. I’d go to Aru­ba.

–58th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Tri­cia Morall

Hence the Base­ball Tick­ets

Guy #1: Be­fore I for­get, I got four Yan­kee tick­ets for us to­mor­row night. I’m gonna bring my fa­ther.
Guy #2: Did you get these tick­ets from a scalper?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: Well, the Yan­kees don’t play in De­cem­ber. Nei­ther does any oth­er team. Base­ball sea­son end­ed al­most two months ago, dum­b­ass. You got fuckin duped. How much did you pay for these?
Guy #1: Ah, shit. Like a hun­dred bucks.
Guy #2: Dum­b­ass.
Guy #1: Then why did my fa­ther ask me to get tick­ets for to­mor­row night’s game if they’re not even play­ing?
Guy #2: I don’t know. He’s prob­a­bly a dum­b­ass like you. You’re a whole fam­i­ly of dum­b­ass­es.

–Star­bucks, 42nd & Broad­way

Dude, That’s Yes­ter­day’s News

Man: You wore red panties to your broth­er’s fu­ner­al?
Woman: Yeah, I wore green shoes too…You wan­na say some­thing about it?
Man: Oh…very…Christmasy.
Woman: I thought you were Jew­ish?
Man: Well, I am. But I’ve heard of Christ­mas be­fore!

–Canal & Mul­ber­ry

It Was So Ob­vi­ous­ly a Piece of Coal

Black woman: My god. This bagel is hard as a rock!…I mean I can’t eat this shit. Can you eat this shit?
White guy: I’ll eat it.
Black woman: Ugh.
White guy: Well if you dont want to eat it, I’ll eat it. I’m hun­gry.
Black woman: I’m just sayin’ it’s the worst god­damn bagel I’ve ever had.
White guy: Hon­ey, it’s from Dunkin’ Donuts. What do you ex­pect? Domi­no’s ain’t good piz­za and Olive Gar­den ain’t good Ital­ian, ei­ther.
White chick: Dude! Next thing I know you’ll be telling her there is no San­ta Claus. Go easy.

–Bor­ough Hall 4/5 sta­tion

Over­heard by: phil j