Woman: Why are you smiling and licking your lips at me? Do you do this to all the customers?
–J & R Music World, Park Row
Overheard by: mimi lester
Archive for 2005
I Myself Just Went From Pretty Good to Pretty Bitchy
Girl #1: She was so pretty.
Girl #2: Good pretty or bitchy pretty?
Girl #1: Can you, like, recognize a nosejob when you see one?
Girl #2: Why? Are you thinking of getting one? You don’t need it.
Girl #1: No, I just wanted to go hang out someplace where people have had a lot of plastic surgery.
–B61 bus
Translation: I Crave Cock
Husband: Sex with you is great, but it’s no substitute for pepperoni!
–Stop & Shop supermarket, Ridgewood
Overheard by: Dawn
(Funny Because the Skinhead Beat the Mom Afterwards)
A blonde bumpkin boy stared silently at the heavily tatooed skinhead for 10 minutes before he made his observation: You know what you are? You’re a human doodle pad!
–PATH train to Hoboken
Overheard by: Margo Channing
Why The Fuck Are You Surprised?
Girl: Why the fuck is that other train moving?
Boy: Because that train isn’t fucking defective.
Girl: Whatever.
–1 train
“…my daughter actually swallows.”
Guy #1: So you like that girl?
Guy #2: Yeah, so far.
Guy #1: Well, don’t get married. Unless you wanna have kids; that’s the only reason to get married.
Guy #2: You married?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: You have kids?
Guy #1: Yeah, thank god.
–55th Street between 1st & 2nd Ave.
Overheard by: Brandy Rowell
More Like Man-dog
Teen #1: Damn, kid! Your face mad hairy!
Teen #2: I’m a grown-ass man, dog.
–A train
Readers: Answer This Antique Question
Man on cell: The Golden Girls DVD?…Why not?
–Astoria
Overheard by: spygirl
Neither Does The Internet, But Here We Are
Cashier Lady #1: What I’ma do if I gotta go to the pussy doctor? Tell the boss I gotta itch in my pussy?
Cashier Lady #2: Yeah, you gotta protect your privacy.
Cashier Lady #1: They don’t gotta know all about my pussy’s issues.
–Hunter College cafeteria
Overheard by: Carrie
