Suit #1: …and he’s been playing on that game City of Heroes for two months straight now.
Suit #2: You reckon he’s still alive?
Suit #1: Well, he’s been typing nothing but “J” for a whole week on MSN.
–JFK
Overheard by: Pete Jones
Archive for 2005
Special Sale on Whipped Cream
Customer: Christ, there are beautiful women every time I come in here.
Cashier: Yeah! All day long! It hurts!
–St. Mark’s Gourmet Market, St. Mark’s Place
More Like a Valid Fucking Complaint
Woman #1: He was complaining about how pussy tastes.
Woman #2: Well, that’s a fucking valid complaint, if I ever heard one.
–70th & 2nd
Overheard by: nita
Yeast Infections Are Much More Common There
Guy #1: See ya, Scotty!
Guy #2: Wasn’t Scott supposed to be dying or something?
Guy #1: Well he still is, just a little slower now than before. He’s the only guy I know who can get a bacterial infection at the dentist.
–Madison Square Park
Translation: He Gives Bad Head
Hipster girl: It’s like, OK, we only see each other when we’re drunk, and he doesn’t seem that interested, and we never have a decent conversation, and he might be gay, but on top of everything he’s also a Red Sox fan. He even made fun of Bernie Williams once.
Hipster queer: So that’s really the clincher for you?
Hipster girl: Well, you know, there’s a limit to how many areas where you can be incompatible.
–Metropolitan bar, Williamsburg
Going to the Talkies (A NYC Story)
Before a movie, a man gets up and jumps off a balcony. His friend remains seated.
Fellow movie patron: Did he just die?
Friend: Nah, nah it’s cool. He’s a French wall-jumper.
–Union Square Regal Cinemas
It’s Not Like He Can Crash It
Conductor, doors closing at East Broadway: This is a Manhattan-bound F train, next stop Steinway Street.
Conductor, doors closing at Delancey: This is a Manhattan-bound F train, next stop 23rd Street.
Girl: Should I be worried?
–F train
Overheard by: Suzanne
And So Munchausen’s-by-Proxy Was Born
Mom: I know you would love homeschooling but you would have to be really sick or have a broken leg or something.
Son: Then why won’t you just break my leg?
–Lexington & 63rd
Overheard by: Christopher
Yes, I’m Sure There’s a Duane Reade Around There
Woman #1: Excuse me, is this the right way to Canal Street?
Woman #2: Yeah, keep walking north, you can’t miss it.
Woman #3: It’s about 4, 5 blocks.
Woman #1: Oh, OK…is that where you can get the stuff?
–Church & Thomas
Overheard by: Becka
A Different Sense of Screaming Queer
Queer: So how was your date?
Hispanic chick: Oh, it was nice, he was nice and sweet, and a real gentleman, you know, he would hold open doors, make sure to walk between me and the street, you know, really nice.
Queer: Oh, you know what that totally screams?
Hispanic chick: What?
Queer: That totally screams: I want to get into your vagina right now!
–6 train
Overheard by: Luke Reynolds
