Archive for 2005

Smells Like Teen Coitus

Guy: Why did­n’t you want to tell my mom what you’re study­ing in school?
Girl: What was I sup­posed to do, say, “I study sex­u­al­i­ty and your son is home­work” and drag you by the arm in­to the bed­room? I don’t want her think­ing I’m some kind of hussy who on­ly us­es peo­ple for sex as part of her doc­tor­al re­search.
Guy: Ac­tu­al­ly, she would’ve been fine with that.

–Mott & Grand

Over­heard by: Djlindee

Make Sure You’re Not That Some­one To­day

Black guy on cell: Yeah, man, you know. I don’t do that stuff no more, y’­know what I’m sayin’? I used to, but I leave all that stuff in the past. I know where it’s all at, though, in case I have to go back to it, I can, y’­know? I can still work it so if they fuck up, some­one ain’t gonna see they mom­ma in the mornin’, y’­know?

–Metro North train

Over­heard by: Mike Sidoti

That, and His Ad­vanced HIV

Nurs­ing stu­dent #1: That would­n’t hap­pen to him. He’s not like that. His blood is­n’t bad or any­thing.
Nurs­ing stu­dent #2: No, his blood is fine.
Nurs­ing stu­dent #1: The on­ly thing bad about his blood is that he’s a man.

–NYU bath­room

Call Me, Ish­mael

Chick #1: I still haven’t make him come! It’s be­come, like, the ma­jor quest of my life.
Chick #2: So, ba­si­cal­ly, you’re Cap­tain Ahab and he’s your Mo­by Dick?
Chick #1: Do you spend your spare time sit­ting around and think­ing up these re­torts?
Chick #2: I lead an emp­ty life.

–Dal­las BBQ, 8th & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Djlindee

I Sense a Craigslist Ad Com­ing

Chick #1: What’s the mat­ter?
Chick #2: My fuck­ing tits are sore and I’m start­ing to get horny. My pe­ri­od is prob­a­bly com­ing. Shit.
Chick #1: That hap­pens to you too? I thought it was just me.
Chick #2: I am so fuck­ing horny I would fuck any man right now.
Chick #1: You got it bad.
Chick #2: I’ll just go home and use my vi­bra­tor, what the hell.

–68th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: princess