Archive for 2005

Smells Like Teen Coitus

Guy: Why didn’t you want to tell my mom what you’re studying in school?
Girl: What was I supposed to do, say, “I study sexuality and your son is homework” and drag you by the arm into the bedroom? I don’t want her thinking I’m some kind of hussy who only uses people for sex as part of her doctoral research.
Guy: Actually, she would’ve been fine with that. 

–Mott & Grand

Overheard by: Djlindee 

Make Sure You’re Not That Someone Today

Black guy on cell: Yeah, man, you know. I don’t do that stuff no more, y’know what I’m sayin’? I used to, but I leave all that stuff in the past. I know where it’s all at, though, in case I have to go back to it, I can, y’know? I can still work it so if they fuck up, someone ain’t gonna see they momma in the mornin’, y’know? 

–Metro North train

Overheard by: Mike Sidoti

Call Me, Ishmael

Chick #1: I still haven’t make him come! It’s become, like, the major quest of my life.
Chick #2: So, basically, you’re Captain Ahab and he’s your Moby Dick?
Chick #1: Do you spend your spare time sitting around and thinking up these retorts?
Chick #2: I lead an empty life.

–Dallas BBQ, 8th & University

Overheard by: Djlindee

I Sense a Craigslist Ad Coming

Chick #1: What’s the matter?
Chick #2: My fucking tits are sore and I’m starting to get horny. My period is probably coming. Shit.
Chick #1: That happens to you too? I thought it was just me.
Chick #2: I am so fucking horny I would fuck any man right now.
Chick #1: You got it bad.
Chick #2: I’ll just go home and use my vibrator, what the hell.

–68th & Lexington

Overheard by: princess

Maybe You Need to Lose 40 Pounds

Chick on cell: …It was the worst. First of all, he have a big dick. And to make things worse, he did not know how to fuck…I mean, come on, what the hell is that all about?…Uh huh, yeah, you are probably right…and another thing he couldn’t fit…I guess my pussy was too small or something…yeah, uh huh, I don’t think so. It’s not worth the trouble. Would you go back?…Exactly.

–Time Square

Overheard by: Jada