Archive for 2005

Smells Like Teen Coitus

Guy: Why didn’t you want to tell my mom what you’re studying in school?
Girl: What was I supposed to do, say, “I study sexuality and your son is homework” and drag you by the arm into the bedroom? I don’t want her thinking I’m some kind of hussy who only uses people for sex as part of her doctoral research.
Guy: Actually, she would’ve been fine with that.

–Mott & Grand

Overheard by: Djlindee

Make Sure You’re Not That Someone Today

Black guy on cell: Yeah, man, you know. I don’t do that stuff no more, y’know what I’m sayin’? I used to, but I leave all that stuff in the past. I know where it’s all at, though, in case I have to go back to it, I can, y’know? I can still work it so if they fuck up, someone ain’t gonna see they momma in the mornin’, y’know?

–Metro North train

Overheard by: Mike Sidoti

Call Me, Ishmael

Chick #1: I still haven’t make him come! It’s become, like, the major quest of my life.
Chick #2: So, basically, you’re Captain Ahab and he’s your Moby Dick?
Chick #1: Do you spend your spare time sitting around and thinking up these retorts?
Chick #2: I lead an empty life.

–Dallas BBQ, 8th & University

Overheard by: Djlindee

I Sense a Craigslist Ad Coming

Chick #1: What’s the matter?
Chick #2: My fucking tits are sore and I’m starting to get horny. My period is probably coming. Shit.
Chick #1: That happens to you too? I thought it was just me.
Chick #2: I am so fucking horny I would fuck any man right now.
Chick #1: You got it bad.
Chick #2: I’ll just go home and use my vibrator, what the hell.

–68th & Lexington

Overheard by: princess