Guy #1: So, you really know those chicks in there?
Guy #2: Just the bartender with the big guns.
–Angry Wade’s, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: AD
Archive for 2005
When We Just Tag Her as “Girl”, Hobos Get Confused
A hobo picked out two girls on line and started insulting them. When the police came to get him he started again.
Hobo: See this is what the White Man does! They’ve gotta protect these little Jewish girls from Long Island, don’t give a shit about proud Black men like me.
Girl: I’m Puerto Rican and from Brooklyn.
He attempts to high five her as the cops escort him away.
Hobo: Right on, sister!
–19th & Broadway
Unfortunately the Package Came Express
Guy: You had sex in a mailbox?
Girl #1: By a mailbox. In my building.
Girl #2: You must have been wearing a skirt.
Girl #1: Well, a dress, yeah.
–UWS party
Sounds Likes Quails Makes for Easy Shoplifting
Store guy: I don’t get it. If I lost my kid for 5 minutes I’d be crazy.
Customer man: You’d be hysterical. You’d be a madman.
Store guy: Meanwhile, the kid must have been in the store for 45 minutes before I noticed him!
–Quails, SI mall
“…we need to find me a puke bucket. Now.”
Drunk #1: Guys, I got us a taxi!
Drunk #2: Dude, we don’t need a taxi.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Bill Atkins
“Put it in the fridge. That’ll make it warm.”
American businesschick: How is your food?
Russian businesschick: It’s OK, but my salad is cold.
–Cosi, 45th & 3rd
Parents: Don’t Let Your Kids Learn About Knifefights on the Street
Two kids find a pocket knife on the train.
Older sister: Yo, I’m gonna bring that shit to school tomorrow!
The younger brother wipes it off with his shirt.
Older sister: No, you gotta leave the dirt on it. Then when I cut that bitch, her face will get all infected and shit.
–F train
Overheard by: erik
She Should Clean Out That Blender, Too
Man: Should we get something special to drink with this?
Woman: No, I think I’m just going to have water. I need to detoxify myself from all the coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, Red Bull and marijuana I’m constantly ingesting.
–Astoria
She Gives Good Overheard
Girl #1: If she moves into your kitchen and her boyfriend visits, you are gonna overhear them fucking.
Girl #2: Uh-uh. I’m puttin’ the kibosh on that.
Girl #1: You can’t tell them they can’t have sex in her own room where she pays rent!
Girl #2: I don’t want to hear no sex…unless it’s on the porn. Or me. Or two men.
–International Bar, 1st Avenue
Overheard by: Nicole A.
Relax, It Was Yo-Yo Instructions
Dad: …you’ve got to use your middle finger.
Son: Which one’s the middle finger?
Dad: This one.
Son: Why’s it called the middle finger?
Dad: Because it’s in the middle of your hand, I guess. There’s two fingers on either side.
Son: That’s retarded.
Dad: It may sound retarded, but that’s the way it is.
–Astoria corner store