Doctor lady: OK, so what happened to you?
Bloody guy: I fell down some stairs, bitch.
–Bellevue Hospital, 1st Avenue
Overheard by: feitclub
Archive for 2005
Fat Eating Fat: Irony or Hate Crime?
Fat lady #1: Excuse me, could you move over?
Thin woman: Well, I can’t move over anymore.
Fat lady #1: Excuse me, could you move over?
Fat lady #2: There is no way you’re going to fit in that space.
Fat lady #1: If you moved over I could. I’m not fat like you.
Fat lady #2: Not only are you fat, but you’re crazy. You think I’m fat? Get away before I eat you.
–E train
Chinese Food Doesn’t Think It’s Better Than All Other Foods
Tourist guy: So what’s the difference between Korean and Chinese?
New York guy: You mean the food, or the people?
Tourist guy: Either one. But I only care about the food.
–Bayard & Mulberry
Overheard by: iiams
Don’t Hate the Fender, Hate the Grime
Guy #1: Why did the cops just pull that biker over?
Guy #2: I dunno, it’s what, 4AM? Maybe he got on his bike drunk or something…
Guy #1: He’s wearing his helmet and everything though.
Guy #2: Yeah, but that motorcycle is pretty fucking ugly. That orange shit on the fenders is a crime.
–Delancey & Ludlow
Overheard by: a jay
That, and Blasting That Music at All Hours
Suit #1: I had to dig a four foot trench last weekend.
Suit #2: Why?
Suit #1: Well, we’re putting a waterfall into my swimming pool.
Suit #1: That’s why they invented Mexicans.
–Trinity Place
Overheard by: B-tron
“Makes Sense”: Delegating Sovereignty to Brussels
Girl: How come music downloads here cost $1 and they cost $0.10 in Europe?
Guy: Because anything that makes sense can’t happen in America any more.
Girl: Fair enough.
–86th & 1st
The Gaydar on Her Tinfoil Hat is Broken
Hoboette: I bet a lot of men try and make out with you.
Guy: Excuse me?
Hoboette: I bet a lot of men try and make out with you. You’ve never had that happen? Every time I see an attractive, well-groomed man, he is gay. So you are saying you aren’t gay?
Guy: Nope.
Hoboette: Keep up the good stuff. Too bad I wasn’t younger.
–52nd & 10th
It’s Not Enough That She Turned Him Into a Hippie
Hippie boy: What are we going to talk about? He’s a hairdresser and I’m a teenager!
Mom: Date him, I guess.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Gretchen
They Meant Raccoon, and They Saw Rat
Suit #1: That sure was a big coon, wasn’t it?
Suit #2: Uh huh, big coon.
–Little W. 12th Street
His Mattress is Trying to Kill Itself
The train door squeaks constantly.
Fat guy: That’s what it sounds like in my bedroom!
Old lady: Yeah, before you get home from work.
–Metro-North train