Archive for 2005

Happy Motherfucker Day!

Boy: Mom!…Mom!
Father: Dad. The name is Dad.

–Eli’s, 80th & 3rd

Columbia guy: I don’t think I should see Avenue Q on stage. Whenever I see puppets I start throwing up. Just throwing up all over the place. The same thing with porn. When I’m a father I’m just going to show my kids so much porn that they throw up. Then I’ll turn them into computer geeks.

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Maxwell Cohen 

Woman: I mean, he got really mad at me after I slept with his father…and it was only one time! 

–6 train

Dad on cell: …we gotta go out by ourselves…the fuckin’ kids, they always want something, it never stops!…Yeah?! Well, what the fuck does the little Princess want now?!

–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd

Dad on cell: Hi, Sammy. How was school today?…Uh huh, what did you do in computers?…What do you mean, you had to show three pictures?…And you were able to do it?…You use Macs in school, right?…Yeah, it’s an Apple. A Mac is an Apple…You know that’s different than the computer you use at home…Yeah, it’s a different operating system…Well, I’m glad you were able to do it. Let me talk to Mommy.

–Acela Express train

Papa thug: Yo, next time someone pushes you like that, you don’t push back, you hear?…you kick him in the motherfucking face.

–12th Street between 1st & A

Overheard by: milo

Her baby daddy: …yeah, she’d be about 15 or 16 by now. But her mom was messin’ around, too, so…She better not come to me 50 years later sayin “she’s yours” cause I don’t play that. Plus, I got a little girl of my own, so I’m good.

–A train

Overheard by: lori dockendorf 

Dad: Walking is just like running, only slower.

–Atlantic Avenue mall

Boy: I mean, if it weren’t for the child support, you’d be good, right?
Father: What?

–60th & 3rd

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Dad: Babies have giant heads…and our heads shrink as we get older. 

–Museum of Natural History

She Got Thrown Out Soon After (For Serious)

Girl: Why are you making fun of people? Someone as fat as you shouldn’t be runnin’ your mouth to nobody!
Drunk guy: OK, I may be fat but can lose weight. You’ll always be a nigger.
Girl: Ooh, so now you’re stupid and fat? Look drunk-ass, I’m not Black, I’m Dominican!
Drunk guy: Oh my bad, you’re a Spanish-speaking nigger.

–Croxley Ale House, Avenue B