Archive for 2005

Hap­py Moth­er­fuck­er Day!

Boy: Mom!…Mom!
Fa­ther: Dad. The name is Dad.

–Eli’s, 80th & 3rd

Co­lum­bia guy: I don’t think I should see Av­enue Q on stage. When­ev­er I see pup­pets I start throw­ing up. Just throw­ing up all over the place. The same thing with porn. When I’m a fa­ther I’m just go­ing to show my kids so much porn that they throw up. Then I’ll turn them in­to com­put­er geeks.

–114th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Maxwell Co­hen

Woman: I mean, he got re­al­ly mad at me af­ter I slept with his father…and it was on­ly one time!

–6 train

Dad on cell: …we got­ta go out by ourselves…the fuckin’ kids, they al­ways want some­thing, it nev­er stops!…Yeah?! Well, what the fuck does the lit­tle Princess want now?!

–Du­ane Reade, 14th & 3rd

Dad on cell: Hi, Sam­my. How was school today?…Uh huh, what did you do in computers?…What do you mean, you had to show three pictures?…And you were able to do it?…You use Macs in school, right?…Yeah, it’s an Ap­ple. A Mac is an Apple…You know that’s dif­fer­ent than the com­put­er you use at home…Yeah, it’s a dif­fer­ent op­er­at­ing system…Well, I’m glad you were able to do it. Let me talk to Mom­my.

–Acela Ex­press train

Pa­pa thug: Yo, next time some­one push­es you like that, you don’t push back, you hear?…you kick him in the moth­er­fuck­ing face.

–12th Street be­tween 1st & A

Over­heard by: mi­lo

Her ba­by dad­dy: …yeah, she’d be about 15 or 16 by now. But her mom was messin’ around, too, so…She bet­ter not come to me 50 years lat­er sayin “she’s yours” cause I don’t play that. Plus, I got a lit­tle girl of my own, so I’m good.

–A train

Over­heard by: lori dock­endorf

Dad: Walk­ing is just like run­ning, on­ly slow­er.

–At­lantic Av­enue mall

Boy: I mean, if it weren’t for the child sup­port, you’d be good, right?
Fa­ther: What?

–60th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Kaitlen

Dad: Ba­bies have gi­ant heads…and our heads shrink as we get old­er.

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry