Archive for 2005

The Train­ables Take Man­hat­tan

Tourist mom: Well, the stick­er there next to the door says this is the 2029 train, find that on the map–
NY guy: This is the R train, and that is a bus map.

–R train

Over­heard by: An­ge­lo Coluc­ci

Tourist woman: So what do you call this?
Tourist guy: The sub­way.
Tourist woman: Oh.

–1 train

Over­heard by: B. Howard

Tourist mom: So we just wait and the trains come right here?

–1/2/3 34th Street sta­tion

Over­heard by: Adele

A tourist cou­ple gets on at Times Square. It stops at 72nd next.

Tourist girl: Is this our stop?
Tourist guy: No, they said to take it two stops, we’ve on­ly gone one.

The train con­tin­ues on to stop at 96th.

Tourist girl: Wait, is this near the stop for Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion?

–2 train

The train car had no air con­di­tion­ing so the door be­tween cars was kept open to let in a breeze. A la­dy steps on the train, stands near the opened door, and then clos­es it.

Seat­ed la­dy: We need the air!
Stand­ing la­dy: It’s not safe.
Seat­ed la­dy: It’s too hot in here. We kept it open to get some air.
Stand­ing la­dy: But it’s not safe. I could get sucked out the door.

–2 train

Over­heard by: Eboni­ta

“…are you busy af­ter work?”

Stock­er guy #1: Hey, lis­ten to this.
Stock­er guy #2: Yeah?
Stock­er guy #1: So I’m dri­ving home last night, and my cell phone rings. And it’s a num­ber that I don’t rec­og­nize. I pick it up, and say, “Hel­lo?” And there’s this wom­an’s voice, and she’s like, “Is this Michael?” and I say, “Yeah.” So I’m thinkin’ it’s that girl I met the oth­er day, that I gave my num­ber to. And she’s like, “Did you meet a girl at 88th and 2nd?” And I’m like, “Yeah.” “How old are you?” she asks. And I like, I say, “I’m 34”, but I’m re­al­ly 44. And then she’s like, “Well, she’s 15. This is her moth­er.”

–Food Em­po­ri­um, 87th & Madi­son

I’m Not Fa­mil­iar with That Fist­ing Eu­phemism

Girl­friend: So let me get this straight, you think that God used the tiger to pun­ish Roy?
Boyfriend: I think it’s pos­si­ble.
Girl­friend: I can’t be­lieve I’m dat­ing you. What’s wrong with you, you have gay friends.
Boyfriend: Whoa, do you think I’m some sort of right-wing nut? I have no prob­lem with gays. God pun­ished him for dab­bling in the black arts.
Girl­friend: Oh…huh?

–La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Pe­ter Lu­cas

“This phone stinks. The re­cep­tion is re­al­ly shit­ty.”

Clerk la­dy #1: So, like, my kid dropped my cell in­to the toi­let last week.
Clerk la­dy #2: Oh yeah?
Clerk la­dy #1: I had to recharge it for over a week be­fore it worked.
Clerk la­dy #2: Hmm.
Clerk la­dy #1: When I made a call to my friend, it was all sta­t­ic. And the but­tons did­n’t work. A few days lat­er my kid picks the phone up and says: “I threw your cell in the toi­let! Ha ha!”
Guy: …you took it out of the toi­let first, right?

–Du­ane Reade, 49th & 9th

Over­heard by: BBW