Archive for 2005

The Trainables Take Manhattan

Tourist mom: Well, the sticker there next to the door says this is the 2029 train, find that on the map–
NY guy: This is the R train, and that is a bus map.

–R train

Overheard by: Angelo Colucci

Tourist woman: So what do you call this?
Tourist guy: The subway.
Tourist woman: Oh.

–1 train

Overheard by: B. Howard

Tourist mom: So we just wait and the trains come right here?

–1/2/3 34th Street station

Overheard by: Adele

A tourist couple gets on at Times Square. It stops at 72nd next.

Tourist girl: Is this our stop?
Tourist guy: No, they said to take it two stops, we’ve only gone one.

The train continues on to stop at 96th.

Tourist girl: Wait, is this near the stop for Grand Central Station?

–2 train

The train car had no air conditioning so the door between cars was kept open to let in a breeze. A lady steps on the train, stands near the opened door, and then closes it.

Seated lady: We need the air!
Standing lady: It’s not safe.
Seated lady: It’s too hot in here. We kept it open to get some air.
Standing lady: But it’s not safe. I could get sucked out the door.

–2 train

Overheard by: Ebonita

“…are you busy after work?”

Stocker guy #1: Hey, listen to this.
Stocker guy #2: Yeah?
Stocker guy #1: So I’m driving home last night, and my cell phone rings. And it’s a number that I don’t recognize. I pick it up, and say, “Hello?” And there’s this woman’s voice, and she’s like, “Is this Michael?” and I say, “Yeah.” So I’m thinkin’ it’s that girl I met the other day, that I gave my number to. And she’s like, “Did you meet a girl at 88th and 2nd?” And I’m like, “Yeah.” “How old are you?” she asks. And I like, I say, “I’m 34”, but I’m really 44. And then she’s like, “Well, she’s 15. This is her mother.”

–Food Emporium, 87th & Madison

I’m Not Familiar with That Fisting Euphemism

Girlfriend: So let me get this straight, you think that God used the tiger to punish Roy?
Boyfriend: I think it’s possible.
Girlfriend: I can’t believe I’m dating you. What’s wrong with you, you have gay friends.
Boyfriend: Whoa, do you think I’m some sort of right-wing nut? I have no problem with gays. God punished him for dabbling in the black arts.
Girlfriend: Oh…huh?

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: Peter Lucas

“This phone stinks. The reception is really shitty.”

Clerk lady #1: So, like, my kid dropped my cell into the toilet last week.
Clerk lady #2: Oh yeah?
Clerk lady #1: I had to recharge it for over a week before it worked.
Clerk lady #2: Hmm.
Clerk lady #1: When I made a call to my friend, it was all static. And the buttons didn’t work. A few days later my kid picks the phone up and says: “I threw your cell in the toilet! Ha ha!”
Guy: …you took it out of the toilet first, right?

–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th

Overheard by: BBW