Revenge of the Newstards

AM New York guy: AM New York! AM!
Metro lady: Shaddap!
AM New York guy: AM! AM!
Metro lady: Shaddap! Shaddap! Metro!

–42^nd & Park

Overheard by: Jodie Goodnough 

AM New York lady: AM New York! They ain’t playin’.

–53^rd & 7^th 

Overheard by: Camodee D 

So That’s Where All the Balloons Went

Little girl: I thought your mom wore really short skirts and see-through shirts.
Mother: No, that’s your other grandmother.

–F train

The Most Sophomoric Statement in History

Guy: Plutarch was–
Girl: Plutarch can suck my cunt. He was stupid.

–1 train

Overheard by: Jesse Shaver 

She Didn’t Implement Her Plan Very Well

Hipster girl: I want him to think I’m clever, not some desperate a‑hole.
Hipster guy: Good luck!

–Central Park

Guy: Is that your boyfriend? I saw you guys making out at the bar.
Drunk girl: He’s just a friend. He’s whatever. I’ll probably be making out with you tomorrow.
Guy: That’s great.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Spooner 

It’s Raining Snark

Drunk girl: Is that your new wallet?
Drunk guy: No, it’s my umbrella.

–Daddy’s, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Bart Calendar 

Tara Reid, Mayor

Woman: Where are we going?
Man: We’re going to Drunk City!

–1 train

Overheard by: steph m 

That’s Pretty Much What They Invented Clubs For

Two guys and a girl are walking down a street when a strange man sitting in an office chair rolls toward them.

Chair guy: Ah, this girl got two boyfriends! Mmm…Can a black man join the club? Can…a black man.…join the club. Join the club.

–4^th & Jane

Overheard by: marissa 

Then Who’s Going to Make the Bag?

Sun-bathing girl #1: Uh oh, they’re bringing a dog into a No Dogs Allowed park.
Sun-bathing girl #2: I don’t understand that rule. I think it should be no kids or dogs allowed.
Sun-bathing girl #3: Yeah, I hate kids.
Sun-bathing girl #2: I’d kill a baby for a Birkin bag.

–Central Park

Overheard by: JB 

You’re Never Too Old to Quit

Guy #1: Hey, what’s up?
Guy #2: Not much.
Guy #1: I heard you went to the hospital or something.
Guy #2: Yeah, I stopped breathing.

–F train

That’s Street for Skin Cancer

Girl #1: I’m hungry.
Girl #2: Sorry, I don’t got anything. No wait, I have melon that I brought.
Girl #1: You have what in your bra?

–120^th & Riverside Drive