Girl: So a midget construction worker hit on me yesterday.
Guy: A midget construction worker? What was he building? Dollhouses?
–33rd & 7th
Overheard by: Laura Lou
Archive for 2005
It’s Straightened Pubes, Glued Together
Girl #1: Whoa man, you look totally creepy. Like a creepy molester.
Girl #2: It’s a molestache!
–B‑Side, Avenue B
Bitch Barking at the New iPodle Mini
Dogwalking woman: No! Come here! I said no! Stay!
Guy: Dude, take off your earphones.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Thompson Patton
These Boots Are Made for Worshippin’
Queer: Do you know why else I want to move to London? Camdentown. There are lots of punks.
Chick: But wouldn’t there also be a lot of white supremacists?
Queer: I could do white supremacists.
Chick: But aren’t they also homophobic?
Queer: No, just repressed.
–Law office, 50th & 8th
The Toilet Kept Getting Encores
Dude #1: Hey, I’ve got some Valium if you want.
Dude #2: Nah, that’s a bad idea right before a show.
Girl: Well, I have some laxatives.
Dude #1: No way, remember what happened last time?
Dude #2: That was a really nice bathroom, though.
–F train
Overheard by: Athena
Becoming Jessica and Ashlee
Two young girls switch seats while in their stroller.
Daddy dearest: Never do that again!
They shrink in horror. One starts to cry.
Daddy dearest: Now smile for Daddy!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: girl w/ camera
It’s Where the Chain Got Its Start
Girl #1: Do you want a sandwich?
Girl #2: Making a sandwich on the subway is so ghetto!
Girl #1: Shit girl, we are ghetto.
–A train
Take Me Out to the Bore Game
Snack guy: Peanuts! Get your peanuts here! Buy one, get the second for the same price!
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: HelloClairice
Suit #1: He basically crawled up my ass and started punching me from the inside.
Suit #2: Nice picture, dude. Christ.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Brett
Girl on cell: I’m here in Harlem right next to Yankee Stadium.
–4 train
Woman: It’s a good thing we got here early. I don’t want to miss the kickoff.
–Shea Stadium
Chick #1: Boo, you’re gonna miss!
Chick #2: Aren’t you cheering for the wrong team?
Chick #1: I wasn’t cheering, I was making an ominous prediction.
–Richmond County Ballpark
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Guy #1: I thought that girl was his daughter. He has to be in his 50s.
Guy #2: I know, it’s skeeving me right out.
Guy #1: What do you think? She’s 22 or 23?
Guy #2: Dude, she’s a hard 18 tops.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Todd Horan
Death is a Kind of Power
Doorman: Out for your morning power walk?
Old woman: Power walk? I’d fucking drop dead before I got to the corner.
–55th between 5th & 6th
Cut the Crap and Go Blow Each Other Already
Fratboy #1: Oh God, did you see that? That little Asian boy just fell down and skinned his Chi-knee.
Fratboy #2: Think he was running from Godzilla?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Matt Murdock
