Archive for 2005

These Boots Are Made for Wor­ship­pin’

Queer: Do you know why else I want to move to Lon­don? Cam­den­town. There are lots of punks.
Chick: But would­n’t there al­so be a lot of white su­prema­cists?
Queer: I could do white su­prema­cists.
Chick: But aren’t they al­so ho­mo­pho­bic?
Queer: No, just re­pressed.

–Law of­fice, 50th & 8th

The Toi­let Kept Get­ting En­cores

Dude #1: Hey, I’ve got some Val­i­um if you want.
Dude #2: Nah, that’s a bad idea right be­fore a show.
Girl: Well, I have some lax­a­tives.
Dude #1: No way, re­mem­ber what hap­pened last time?
Dude #2: That was a re­al­ly nice bath­room, though.

–F train

Over­heard by: Athena

Take Me Out to the Bore Game

Snack guy: Peanuts! Get your peanuts here! Buy one, get the sec­ond for the same price!

–Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Hel­loClairice

Suit #1: He ba­si­cal­ly crawled up my ass and start­ed punch­ing me from the in­side.
Suit #2: Nice pic­ture, dude. Christ.

–Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Brett

Girl on cell: I’m here in Harlem right next to Yan­kee Sta­di­um.

–4 train

Woman: It’s a good thing we got here ear­ly. I don’t want to miss the kick­off.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Chick #1: Boo, you’re gonna miss!
Chick #2: Aren’t you cheer­ing for the wrong team?
Chick #1: I was­n’t cheer­ing, I was mak­ing an omi­nous pre­dic­tion.

–Rich­mond Coun­ty Ball­park

Over­heard by: Bec­ka Dash

Guy #1: I thought that girl was his daugh­ter. He has to be in his 50s.
Guy #2: I know, it’s skeev­ing me right out.
Guy #1: What do you think? She’s 22 or 23?
Guy #2: Dude, she’s a hard 18 tops.

–Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Todd Ho­ran