Manager guy: How did you make those sandwiches so fast?
Sammich guy: Performance-enhancing drugs.
–Subway, 23rd & Madison
Archive for 2005
Now Available in Prune!
Old lady #1: What are you eating? It smells good.
Old lady #2: Nicorette.
–DR2 theater, E. 15th Street
She’s Talking About Her Boobs!
Girl #1: What do you mean? What are pajama bottoms?
Girl #2: You know, like those cotton pants you buy at Old Navy.
Girl #1: I don’t know what you’re talking about but I have 3 pair.
–University & 12th
They Sell Cartons at the Specific Nutrition Center
Girl #1: I really need to buy cigarettes. Would they sell them there?
Girl #2: Um…that stands for “General Nutrition Center.”
–10th Street & 7th Avenue
Overheard by: djlindee
That “Contract” is Going Straight to Judge Judy
Queer: When did this song come out?
DJ: I was in diapers.
Queer: That’s hot!
DJ: You think?
Queer: I won’t date guys in their thirties anymore. They’re so conservative.
DJ: Uh-huh.
Queer: I wanna be your daddy!
DJ: Put it on paper.
–Barrage, W. 47th Street
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
A Real Man Knows Where a Girl’s Spot Is
Chinese guy: What are you, Brazilian? Argentinian? I can’t quite place my finger on it.
Indian girl: No, I’m Indian.
Chinese guy: Ooh. You’re my little tandoori chicken. Where’s your dot?
–KGB Bar, E. 4th Street
What Did Jamie Lynn Ever Do to You?
Girl: So, Britney Spears said that her mother told her that, like, childbirth is like the most excruciating pain ever.
Guy: Well, look what she ended up with. If my child was a slutbag whore, I’d be in pain too.
–Hudson & Vandam
Wait for It…Wait for It…
Girl #1: I like to surround myself with ugly people because it makes me look prettier by comparison.
Girl #2: I know what you mean.
–F train
Overheard by: Daile
Yeah, the Post Office is Pretty Crunked Up
Teen boy #1: She my nephew’s godmother. He got her a cell phone in prison, yo.
Teen boy #2: How’d he do that?…That’s nasty.
–Penn Station
She’s Like a Golden Retriever That Way
Guidette #1: So I called her and she says, “I gotta get off the phone, I’m naked, wet from the shower” and she started mumbling.
Guidette #2: That’s just like her. She’s always naked with something in her mouth.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Koaloha